Love + Sex

Monday, December 7, 2009

4 questions to ask in search of a quality guy

0518-peter_da.jpg

Peter and Erin

[Hi, there! It’s Erin! Today I’m on a plane returning from Vienna, so please welcome my brilliant friend Peter. He is always enlightening me on the ways of the male species, so I felt compelled to share him with you. Enjoy!]

When Erin asked me to write a guest column, I said yes because she’s awesome and has provided me free beer in the past, not because I claim any great insight into how women (or men) think when it comes to relationships. But there is one area where I might have some advice to offer. After several years of my female friends asking me, “How do I find a quality guy?” while I run into quality guys on a daily basis, I’ve come up with some questions I think a woman should—but often doesn’t—ask that can help determine whether the guy sitting across the table is a keeper:

Is he curious?

No one wants a relationship to grow stale, and guys who ask a lot of questions or are willing to try new things are better at keeping relationships interesting. A quality guy will truly want to learn about you and what’s going on in your life. He’ll be more willing to try a new restaurant, not just to be nice to you, but because he wants to experience new things.

See our tips: The Dos and Don'ts of Text-Message Flirting!

Does he have a hobby?

A guy with a hobby is a guy who has passion and follow-through, and those guys are less likely to flake out on a relationship when it hits the three-month mark. But beware the guy with the obsession. If he spends his entire Sunday playing Call of Duty, run the other way, because he already has his true love.

Check out these 7 things a guy’s bedroom says about him!

How does he respond to being challenged?

A quality guy is one who is able to take challenges in stride without overreacting and without making things unnecessarily personal. These guys don’t sweat the small stuff, they’re confident enough not to constantly need to prove their manhood, and they’ll never try to win an argument by tearing someone else down.

Does he have close female friends?

A guy with close female friends is more likely to be better boyfriend material. He’ll have a better idea of how to treat women, a source of advice to turn to when he needs help with the relationship, and once you befriend his girl friends (and he’ll want you to) you’ll have powerful allies who are invested in your success as a couple.

Do you think I’m totally off-base? What other questions help you sniff out a quality guy?

Find out the 9 things you need to know about his man parts!

MORE FROM SINGLE-ISH:

Syndication:

From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 63
  • Aj's Avatar
    Posted by Aj Mon May 18, 2009 10:30am PDT

    I kinda have a problem with #4.. I dated a guy who had tons of females as friends but they told him wrong information about a relationship because they secretly liked him! So not all the time do guys' female friends provide the best advice!!!

    Report Abuse
  • Jasmine's Avatar
    Posted by Jasmine Mon May 18, 2009 12:31pm PDT

    Yea number four is a bit much... this usually causes more problems than good. I get where you're tryna go... mabey if he's really close to his sister or a cousin, then number 4 would work better.

    Report Abuse
  • Mirella's Avatar
    Posted by Mirella Mon May 18, 2009 1:14pm PDT

    My perants dont k now that im sexually active should i tell them!!!!

    Report Abuse
  • Feliciana's Avatar
    Posted by Feliciana Mon May 18, 2009 1:24pm PDT

    I agree with Aj, sometimes female "friends" really do just want him so they play the friend card when they are trying to get him away from you. However, if your bf is aware of this type of thing, and cuts off ties with someone who doesn't respect your relationship, then you have a good man.

    Report Abuse
  • mike's Avatar
    Posted by mike Mon May 18, 2009 2:46pm PDT

    someone who treats his mother with respect etc,. is not on here?

    Report Abuse
  • opiniononly's Avatar
    Posted by opiniononly Mon May 18, 2009 3:11pm PDT

    Do you see and support your kids? How often? Do you see your parents? Your sibs? What have you learned from prior relationships? How did they end? The more info you can get that describes his core values and integrity, the better chance you have to judge whether he is just on 'dating good behavior' or truly authentic to what he says.

    I agree with the double edged sword of women friends. They can support as well as tank relationships - as can his sisters. I'll voice my opinion of the women my men friends are dating - if asked - but unless there is something that just makes my skin crawl about a woman, I keep my mouth shut and will respect their choices.

    Report Abuse
  • Kenda's Avatar
    Posted by Kenda Mon May 18, 2009 3:38pm PDT

    lol... yes number 4 is a problem..the guy i last talked to had an awesome close friend that was a gurl...but it didnt seem that her goodness rubbed off on him..he was not at all a gentlemen

    Report Abuse
  • Ben's Avatar
    Posted by Ben Mon May 18, 2009 7:25pm PDT

    i don't agree with last one. Close female friends always will bring jealousy.

    Report Abuse
  • jen-jen's Avatar
    Posted by jen-jen Mon May 18, 2009 11:25pm PDT

    Not a good article at all... female friends... really??? You seriously wrote that??? Do you work for all men???

    Report Abuse
  • JME's Avatar
    Posted by JME Tue May 19, 2009 12:59am PDT

    I agree with the other comments. Number 4 is just... bad. Seriously. That's why they have moms, sisters and aunts and sisters-in-laws for!

    Report Abuse
Comments 1-10 of 63

leave your comment

You must sign in to post a comment

Sign In for personalized information

New User? Sign Up

Love Byte

Skip the multiple-choice quiz, and read up on if you're a mom, a nag, too clingy, or perfect in every way. Aren't we all?