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I have a friend who spent two weeks in Europe with his girlfriend, and some of it didn't go too well. He didn't like the haircut she got pre-trip.
She didn't like the way his eye wandered on the streets of Paris. They fought some. So when my friend got back home, he asked a wise friend (no, certainly not me) what he should do.
Here's the advice he got: Every relationship is going to come up against some obstacles. They'll either break it up, or make it stronger. If it ends, it wasn't meant to be. If you push through, the relationship will be better than ever.
That's stuck with me for a long time, in part because my friend
is now 21 years into marriage with that one-time girlfriend. So I'm
just guessing that their relationship grew stronger when they faced
obstacles. What made the difference for my friend, and for guys in
general, when they face that step-up or break-up moment? Here are
some ideas....
Marriage Maker 1: (In)dependence
Guys like all the things that can come with marriage - the
companionship, the safety, a guarantee of having good sheets on the
bed and good reasons to change them. But one of the things they
fear the most: that they're going to feel more constricted than
David Blaine in an ice block.
Upgrade your relationship today.
While most men understand that being married doesn't mean that
they can play six nights a week like they did in their bachelor
days, they also want to feel like they have the blessing, support,
and encouragement to play golf with their pals every once in a
while, to knock a few back at the sports bar when the big game is
on, to still feel free even when they've willingly surrendered some
independence.
Marriage Maker 2: Adoring, Yet Not Needy
Few things turn a guy on as much as a woman who makes her man feel
like he's the only guy for her. And few things turn off a guy as
much as a woman who makes her man feel like he's the only
guy for her.
Right, both statements are the same, but hugely different. It all has to do with where the woman and man are coming from. If they're equals, they're not making undue claims on each other, and they can be an even stronger pair. If either one of them is weak and needy, however, that emotional burden can drag both partners down. So, throw your partner some compliments and some assurances, but don't tell him the planets spin around him.
He knows they don't, and will question your sanity if you say
they do. Especially at the start of a relationship, it won't hurt
for him to know that you're perfectly OK without him, thank you
very much, but that it's more fun when you're together.
Learn how to avoid 7 relationship killers.
Marriage Maker 3: An Imaginative Mind
There's a lot of press these days about men who worry about dating
successful women, that they feel their masculinity is threatened if
their women make more money or have more power. To that I say
baloney (low-fat).
Men are very turned on by women who have big goals, big dreams,
and big imaginations - whether they're career-oriented or not.
Because when a woman is driven, that means that she's moving
forward, and the whole family is, too.
Here are 10 other things men love about women.
Marriage Maker 4: Jekyll and Hyde
Not that we want our partners to flip-flop and pretend to be people
they're not, but there's something intrinsically exciting about a
partner who has the ability to be a sort of chameleon - a little
fun and imaginative in bed, yet charming at a family reunion.
It's the all-in-one woman who can equally pull off the roles of wife, mother, boss, friend, neighbor, vixen. That's not asking too much, is it? After all, if a guy is going to commit for a lifetime, he'll want his partner to be able to react to a lifetime's worth of challenges and opportunities, right?
Show him you've got that going, and the relationship will last a
long time (if he knows what's good for him). And be warned: He may
give you a pre-nuptial pop quiz straight from Men's Health
to see if you're the one for him. Take it, and
grade him on this great quiz. Will your romance pass the
test?
Have more ideas about love and life-long commitment? Please share
them here with the rest of us.
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