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When a high-profile man is caught with someone other than his wife, it's enough to get the collective voice of women asking a whole bunch of why questions.
Why do men cheat? Why can't they control themselves? Why do they have to pay for it? The answer may seem simple at first (if he's not being satisfied at home, he'll roam the neighborhood). But the reasons are a little more nuanced than that.
Some
guys are simply serial cheaters - think about the trail of rumors that
followed Bill Clinton into the White House. But other guys seem like upstanding citizens until wham, bam, thank you
ma'am, they show exactly how low they're willing to go. What is it,
then, that triggers a normally faithful man to cross the line from being committed to breaking trust, from home cooking to ordering out?
1. Power (or Cash)
It's
not to say that entry-level men who make minimum salaries don't cheat,
but it's also pretty clear that powerful men with the means to withdraw
hefty sums of cash (for hotels, gifts, prostitutes) are often
candidates. It's not just because they have more options; it's also
because they think their invincibility in the office will also extend
to their private lives, which they assume will remain private no matter
how high-profile they may be. Arrogance is a form of blindness, after
all.
2. A Sudden Change in Status
Maybe your guy isn't a celebrity, but has he gone from middle
management to senior exec lately? Simply making the leap from corporal
to captain can put a guy in a difficult spot - he's suddenly separated
from his office crew, facing challenges at work that you may not relate
to, and looking for someone to tell his woes to - even if it costs
$1,300 to get her to keep quiet and leave after he's seemingly
unburdened himself.
3. The Family Circus
I'm
not saying it's right, and I'm not saying it's fair, but some men can
feel like they're last in the family pecking order once the gaggle of
children dominates schedules, time, and his wife's attention. That
doesn't mean that kids drive their fathers to cheat, nor does it mean
that families are to blame. It just means that the situation can make
some men more vulnerable to be influenced by...
4. An Unexpected Ego Stroke
A
note from an ex, a compliment from a co-worker, a good rapport with a
server at his favorite bar. If the affection in his primary
relationship dwindles as time goes on, a guy's hormones can skyrocket
when he feels the charge of a new woman showing some attention. Most
times, innocent bantering is just that, but coupled with other
triggers, the chemical reaction is a dangerous one.
5. Cyber 'Safety'
Plain
and simple: The Internet has made it easier for men to feel safer-in
everything from looking for dates and mates to sending innuendo-laced
IMs to the hot coworker on the third floor.
The apparent safety
of flirting in his own keyboard can build an unhealthy feeling that
everything he's doing is OK, making it more likely he can slip into
making some very stupid choices. An addictive personality only
compounds the problem. To find out if he might have one, take this important quiz.
But don't live in fear, either. Here are 10 simple secrets successful spouses know that will keep a marriage firing on all cylinders for years to come.
Have other triggers or observations to share? Please lend your voice to this important topic.
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