Love + Sex

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

5 Things Your Mother-In-Law Won't Admit

So you married your soul mate and are about to walk down the aisle towards the start of something special. Don't be alarmed if there's a tugging at your sleeve as you link arms with Mr. Wonderful and head off into the horizon.

That's not an overzealous bridesmaid biting at your heel; it's your husband's mother.

Before becoming your husband, the man of your dreams was the center of someone else's universe, his mother's. Mama's boy or not, your husband's mother had first dibs on your guy even before you were old enough to walk, let alone say "I do." Now that you're married, there are a few things she'd like you to know about the man you now call your own.

Reader's Digest recently published a list of 13 Things Your Mother-in-Law Won't Tell You compiled by Susan Abel Lieberman, PhD author of The Mother-in-Law's Manual and Jane Angelich author of What's a Mother [in-Law] to Do? A few mother-in-laws chimed in, anonymously of course, but as expected. 

We thought we'd take a stab at her, err, it as well.

1. He'll treat you the same way he treats me. If your guy calls his mother every day, chances are he's just as likely to check in with you as often. Likewise, if a man forgets his mama's birthday, don't expect there to be frequent bouts of flowers and chocolate

2. I'm ready for you to have children even if you're not. Although the word "grandma" might not be her cup of tea, from the moment your man left home, she's been craving the opportunity to cradle a little one. Just because she's not taking you shopping at Babies R Us doesn't mean there's not a stack of onesies waiting in the guest bedroom.

3. If you leave me alone in your house, I'm going to snoop. Oh please, as if you wouldn't do the same. Bedrooms may be off limits but the kitchen is fair game. Don't stock your fridge with frozen dinners unless you're prepared to be judged.

4. I care about your sex life. This has less to do with the aforementioned child rearing and more to do with the fact that good sex usually leads to a healthy marriage. She may not want to hear all the details but she cares about your guy's happiness just as much as you do.

5. He loves you more than me. Difficult to prove but definitely fact, you are the center of your man's world right now. There's a very expensive rock on your finger that, in addition to the mother-in-law he just inherited, proves he's willing to move mountains on your behalf. Tread lightly on this one, as mountains tend to shift, but chances are your mother-in-law sees the way he looks at you and knows, deep down, he's gone for good.

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Written by Anne-Marie Scali for YourTango
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Comments 1-10 of 352
  • Marie's Avatar
    Posted by Marie Mon Apr 20, 2009 9:38am PDT

    Well I have been married to my husband for over 15 years. I always felt a strain in my relationship with my mother in law. She isn't even talking to my husband or my self. Or even my son for over two years. She has always been getting involved in my personal business. Coming over when ever she pleased without calling first. Amoung other things she has done I finally had to tell her how I felt. So that's why she chose not to speak to us. Hey if you want to hate me fine, but don't shut out your son and grandson. She really is a monster-in-law.

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  • mommaofsun's Avatar
    Posted by mommaofsun Mon Apr 20, 2009 9:52am PDT

    I have been with my hubby for 15 years and my MIL have always had a good relationship. We both love to cook and not much on talking. But, we do get chatty when I am her home, and we are both in the kitchen, cooking together. The both of us love books also. We hit it off from day one. I just hope it stays that way.

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  • Becky P's Avatar
    Posted by Becky P Mon Apr 20, 2009 9:59am PDT

    I was complaining to my mother in law once and she told me that i didnt have to tell her anything, she knew exactly how her son was and that she was glad she wasnt the one married to him.

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  • J.J.M.'s Avatar
    Posted by J.J.M. Mon Apr 20, 2009 10:40am PDT

    I've never even known what day my mother's birthday is. But I can still recall all of my ex-girlfriends birthdays at any given moment.

    I treat everyone on an individual basis.

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  • opiniononly's Avatar
    Posted by opiniononly Mon Apr 20, 2009 10:47am PDT

    Oh please, what's with the assumption that a MIL (or I) will snoop if given the opportunity? Not all women are hard-wired to think it is appropriate, cute or acceptable to go nosing around in another person's belongings. My mother didn't raise me that way and she would never presume to snoop in my Bro and SIL's home. My ex-MIL was also raised as a gracious woman who would have been embarrassed to do so. As for me, I've been with my beloved SO for more than a decade and his parents are dead so I don't have IL issues, but he has a large group of sibs who we see often. I've yet to go through his wallet, briefcase, cell phone or any place in our home that is 'his' (like his dresser drawers) and I don't snoop around his sibs' homes.

    In both families, if we want information, we ask the person best equipped to answer. Snooping around is shoddy, disrespectful and immature behavior. A person may want to snoop, but if s/he has any self respect, doesn't do so.

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  • Amanda's Avatar
    Posted by Amanda Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:29am PDT

    I am just about to walk down the isle. I have been with my future husband 7 years now.... well my mother in law is having a hard time letting go of her son... she wanted to come on the honeymoon with us until we had a talk with her.... she wants us to live across the street from her rather then a few blocks down now.... So I dont know if its because hes her only son or because hes the youngest between him and his older sister but when we were dating my soon to be mother in law was so awsome now shes like on mother overdrive.....

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  • Marilyn's Avatar
    Posted by Marilyn Mon Apr 20, 2009 12:21pm PDT

    my mother dont care about anything she'll say stuff when not true just to make u miserable because shes not happy.Dont matter if you dont say anything and she treats my fiance like crap when he goes all out for her to impress her.I just told her im happy and im going to marry him,if she wanted to go to the wedding she has to start getting along with him

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  • MrsKlingonPasadena's Avatar
    Posted by MrsKlingonPasadena Mon Apr 20, 2009 12:22pm PDT

    ESPECIALLY #5

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  • Doktor Eevol's Avatar
    Posted by Doktor Eevol Mon Apr 20, 2009 12:42pm PDT

    Yet another myopic blog post courtesy of YourTango that seems designed to piss people off. As if I'm surprised.

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  • sherida's Avatar
    Posted by sherida Mon Apr 20, 2009 5:32pm PDT

    how about my mother-in-law and her daughter only come over and eat when I'm not at home and they both are so overly concerned about my husbands income I would not suggest marriage to anyone unless their boyfriend's mother is dead and they don't have a sister.

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Comments 1-10 of 352

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