Love + Sex
Saturday, November 7, 2009
5 Types to Avoid in Relationships
user
Last week we told you about 5 Types
to Avoid in Bed; here we present
5 types to avoid going steady with...
- The Umfriend: Someone who always
introduces you as an acquaintance of nebulous status, as in,
"This is my...um...friend." Your companion may suddenly
downgrade you from new girlfriend/boyfriend status to an umfriend
when they unexpectedly bump into a recent ex who is either
heartbroken-slash-psycho or someone your companion would like to
get back together with (sorry, sucker).
- The Method Dater: Someone who adopts
your personality traits and beliefs, in the process losing their
sense of self. It might seem flattering at first, until they morph
like a chameleon into a less convincing version of you, reminding
you of everything you hate about yourself.
- The Serial Dater: Someone who tries on
relationships like new outfits and handles breakups with eclat,
occasionally shedding a single tear if it seems right. They like
their monogamy in brief, intense bursts. They leave their baggage
at home. They like long walks on the beach, but
they’re not particularly picky who’s holding their hand by their
side -- it’s just nice to have company, ya know? So you never know
if they're really into you or just the idea of
you.
- The Commitment-phobe: A person who's
afraid of commitment, settling down (or just plain settling),
intimacy, monogamy, "attached strings," obligations,
ultimatums, or anything else that restricts their freedom to sleep
around without responsibility. We're know they're sexy as
hell, but the 100%-guaranteed break-up will hurt like hell.
- The Blogger. For the record, we're still
talking only about those bloggers who publish self-indulgent
diaries as a sort of poor man’s insta-therapy, replete with poor
spelling, gratuitous sexual minutiae, rants about exes, rants about
you, gushing over a new crush, "photos of me," more rants
about you, a blow-by-blow of last night’s fight, "a photo of
my new tattoo," and even more rants about you. Unless you
actually like the idea of your every niggling argument
being adjudicated by the masses.
For more dating terminology than you can shake a stick
out, check out our book Rec Sex: An A-Z Guide to Hooking
Up.
MORE FROM
EM & LO
photo
by Rob Gale
Related: types, sex, relationships, love, emandlo.com, em and lo, em & lo, dating, advice
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Posted by Zom-B Mon Jul 6, 2009 10:20am PDT
No one should date anyone. Everyone should stay celibate.
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Posted by Dubs Mon Jul 6, 2009 2:33pm PDT
Bio-Hazmat suits for everyone. Rejoice
Everyone should avoid the typical...<insert stereotype here> because the <insert stereotype here> has <insert behavioral tendencies of said stereotype> and we don't want to deal with the <insert baggage of said stereotype> because our own <insert stereotypical behavior> doesn't apply when we put ourselves on a ...*ahem* ready....( I had to do it:P)...."peddle stool."
Hooray for lists. Not.
Yes I know its spelled pedestal. Next <insert predictable article about men>.
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Posted by Runa Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:16am PDT
How about we add the memory-clinger? You know, the one who STILL isn't over their first date in high school even though the girl/guy broke up with them two weeks later?
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Posted by HON Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:19pm PDT
i think we all see the red flag even on the very 1st day. but ofcourse we avoid it AND the weird part....we NEVER learn from it.
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Posted by sxkitten Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:33pm PDT
No 4 is soooooooooooo true fine as hell, breakup up hurts like hell
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Posted by Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:40pm PDT
The Blogger! Thank you! People tried to peg me as the bad guy, saying I was overreacting, but in a relationship you have NO right to go crying to your blog about relationship issues when they're about the your current relationship with someone and you didn't even confront the person, you looked to e-strangers for feedback/comfort/advice. Its deceitful, backhanded, and I was just all around disgusted.
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Posted by Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:41pm PDT
LOL @ Dubs. I agree completely.
"Because no one should have to put up with crap from someone who is trying their best to put up with them."
That's my own quote, thanks.
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Posted by James L Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:44pm PDT
Sorry, but only 1/2 of #1 is valid. If your ex is a bona-fide PBFH it might be wise to introduce your new squeeze as your um, friend for the safety of both of you.
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Posted by chimpapino Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:46pm PDT
I'm breaking up with this article because it doesn't even know how to use proper grammar. See #4 The Commitment-phobe: "We're know they're sexy as hell, but the 100%-guaranteed break-up will hurt like hell."
Yuck.
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Posted by GOP RULES Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:55pm PDT
I like to take a dump in a paperbag, ignite, and toss it at my potential ex's doorstep.
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