5 Ways to Spot a Player

Tell me this doesn't sound like a lost Sex and the City episode: Charlotte, fresh off a breakup from Vending Machine Guy, or Trust Fund Guy finally scrounges up the courage to ask out the tall brunette she passes every day when she goes to shop at Cynthia Rowley. Later that night they're at dinner, when she drops the bomb...that she was married before. Her date immediately pulls out his BlackBerry and starts furiously typing.

"Uhh...what are you doing?" she asks, sipping her Cosmo.

"I'm checking 'JustDon'tWifeHer.com.' I have to make sure you're not on there."

"Ummm......I'm going to call Carrie, and then cry."

JustDontWifeHer.com is a real life website devoted to whether or not men should 'wife' women. (I'm guessing the people who started this entrepreneurial genius also refer to women as "hos" and gave Foxy Brown the nickname "Supahead," and also say "wifey.") The site allows users to post photos of girls who should not be "wifed," and contains forums of which celebrities should "wife" other celebrities. Really, America!? Really!?

Here are our top 5 ways to spot a gold digger:

• If she has gold teeth.
• If she checks your bank statement before getting your digits.
• If she name-drops Louis Vuitton and Gucci as if she were related to them.
• If she refuses to get into anything but a Cadillac Escalade.
• If she's ever been in a Lil' Wayne video.

Luckily, (insert awkward face emoticon here) there's a female version in the form of an iPhone app. Date Check pulls information from Flickr, Myspace, and Facebook on dudes so you can tell if they're in a relationship, live with their parents, or made out with six girls at once at a frat party wearing women's lingerie.

This was most likely started by Khloe Kardashian pre shotgun-wedding. She doesn't seem to have much going on.

Basically....I'm giving up dating. And men. And the Internet.

Sidenote...would you ever use something like this? Is it the kind of thing you would totally use after every date, alone in your room, alit by candlelight and shame?

This totally could have helped Carrie and Big break up a bit faster.

Here are our top 5 ways to spot a player:

• If he has more than one phone, and checks both regularly.
  
• If you have no mutual friends, have never met his friends, and he refuses to let you meet his parents.
  
• If he has any Ed Hardy paraphernalia. (This doesn't mean he's a successful player.)
  
• He idolizes Bret Michaels, and watches all of the VH1 true love reality shows.
  
• He owns any clothing that say "Player."

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