Love + Sex
Saturday, December 5, 2009
6 Reasons To Bail On A Threesome
user
The semi-Sapphic ménage a
trois is supposed to be ultimate male fantasy. But all is not as
dandy as candy in "2 chicks at the same time" land-y.
I'd first heard of the downright anti-American idea that a
girl-on-guy-on-girl could be anything other than legendary in an
old issue of Maxim (Read: 9
Things I Learned About Women From Editing Maxim). In an article
debunking sexual fantasies, a writer said the reality of a threeway
was having to hear, "are you finished yet?" in
stereo. "But what did he know," I thought, "he's
just some nerd writer in New York who's probably a complete
dork and doesn't know anything." Read: Threesomes:
A User's Guide
A recent Em & Lo reflection brought this near
blasphemy back to mind.
Em & Lo gave advice to a young woman who is way into this
sort of expression of her sexuality but is concerned that her guy
is less than thrilled to share her (even with another lady) and
then hear from the dude himself.
Here are six reasons (beyond performance criticism and
relationship insecurity) that a guy may turn down a threesome:
- Not an orgy
guy. Have no intention of becoming an orgy guy. And think a
threesome is a gateway to orgy guydom.
- The "one male and one female" policy was
good enough for Noah, 'nuff said. (Except for Noah's family
and possibly some "companions," if you buy into the Bahai
explanation.)
- Waiting for a better offer. That's right two chicks, a beer
helmet AND seven-layer dip.
- Pretty much luke-warm on new experiences, pleasure, the
off-line world, onanism.
- You think your wife and the women you've been sleeping with
may falsely imprison you, punch you in the face and superglue parts
of you to other parts of you.
- Misunderstood the question.
I'm sure there are much better reasons to turn down a bit of
threesome action, holler with 'em and keep it PG-13.
More From Tomfoolery:
Written by Tom Miler for Tomfoolery.
Related: threesome, relationships, married, marriage, couples, advice
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Posted by jimmy Sat Aug 15, 2009 7:23am PDT
i totally agree with this, i married my husband who lived twenty seven hundred miles away and we got to know eachother the first year, which was hard! but he is so much different than i thought and its so true that he is almost avid about no kinky sex! i cant get a toy into bed much less another partner! so we are safe there! but he is so distant at times and so open and talkative another!
its like living with two ppl! he is an aries and im a scorpio so you have fire and water! which may make steam, but it can put eachother out too!
blessings, heavner1010
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Posted by __A_YAHOO_USER__ Sun Aug 16, 2009 1:29pm PDT
if ur gonna have more then two then why get married? i wouldn't want to share my wife and she wouldn't want to share me, if ur into three's or more stay single until you feel ready to settle down and it be just u and ur hubby. kinkys fine but thats takin it to far i think. to each their own tho.
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Posted by bookwrm531 Tue Aug 18, 2009 10:43am PDT
"John Ritter died of a heart attack. John Ritter also starred in Three's Company. Thus, threesome's cause heart attacks." Hmmm, yeah...absatively fool-proof correlations win.
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Posted by Jonny Wed Aug 19, 2009 9:33am PDT
I don't believe there were ever any actual threesomes in Three's Company. Implied threesomes? Sure. Really silly misunderstandings? Absolulu. The Roper family? Mmmmhmmm.
I'm not sure that you just become an orgy guy. We, I mean "they" are just born that way.
One of my few life goals that I'm pretty confident I'll achieve is to not be falsely imprisoned by jilted lovers, assaulted and glued, branded, tarred or feathered.
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Posted by Sarah Thu Aug 20, 2009 7:25am PDT
One reason to not have a threesome is that it might not live up to your expectation, and then your fantasy is ruined.
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Posted by LoveN Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:59am PDT
Sarah, I agree. Especially if you're doing it uninformed -- and so should read things like this first -- so you know how the reality might differ from your fantasy.
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Posted by Claire Thu Aug 20, 2009 10:49am PDT
or, your chances for catching an std goes through the roof
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Posted by Melanie Fri Aug 21, 2009 7:39am PDT
Right on Sarah. Or worse, what if it does and then your new sexual high comes from having threesomes? Are you doomed to not enjoy just pain one on one sex? Sometimes opening Pandora's box is a very bad idea.
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Posted by Nils Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:08am PDT
Melanie has a really great point too. Be careful with these. They could definitely cause some problems later.
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