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Thursday, December 3, 2009

7 Things To Say While Getting It On

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This may be too old school for you old fools, but I was just interneting the interweb and bumped into this oldie but goodie of things being said during whoopie-making on Incredimazing (give it a gander, it's a flowchart). That was pretty funny (in both the weird and ha-ha sense). But talking dirty, even if already sexually engaged, is a big turn-on for some. Just not everyone is good at it. Read: Dirty Talk Saved My Relationship

Normally, I'd go the other route and give a list of things that will spoil the moment so you can avoid them (or things NOT to say before or after). Instead, I'm going to do a 180 and go with seven good things to say while making love, or just having sex (I'm going to paraphrase because a girl's gotta keep some secrets).

*Note: if you're not comfortable with these exact phrases (impossible though it seems), change the wording and make it your own. It's the spirit that counts. Have some spirit, ladies.

  1. "I am having a great time." Let 'em know you like what's going on.
  2. "Can I get you anything?" It's imperative to check if there is anything you can do to improve their experience.
  3. "Where does the time go?" If you're not able to finish, you may want to somehow signal to the other person that it's OK for them to. (It's generally considered rude to stand up until they leave, at this point.)
  4. "I am fairly fond of you." In addition to enjoying the time that you are currently spending together, lots of people appreciate that you may enjoy their company outside of coitus. Complimenting the person's looks may also go a long way.
  5. "My, what a pretty picnic, Mrs. Pettigrew." There's no corollary to this one, it would just be funny to say.
  6. "Intercourse me." Pretty much a self-explanatory thing to say to a guy (if he is intercoursing you). Guys can ask "do you like me intercoursing you?" (Note: this one is pretty similar to Item 1 but the subtle distinctions are worth exploring.)
  7. "I can almost see my house from here." If you're about to crest a summit, it's polite to let the other person know so they don't suddenly call an audible. Read: Top 4 Hollywood Orgasm Scenes

Anything incredibly PG that you can think of that should be said in bed/other funny phrases you've heard between the sheets? (Anyone ever been called Mrs. Pettigrew?)

More From YourTango.com:

Written by Tom Miller for YourTango.com.

Related: yourtango.com, sex, relationships, married, dirty talk, dating

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 60
  • sam's Avatar
    Posted by sam Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:49pm PDT

    retarted

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  • Klobb's Avatar
    Posted by Klobb Tue Jul 21, 2009 4:05pm PDT

    stupidest thing i have ever read! how do people like this get jobs?

    Report Abuse
  • Austin's Avatar
    Posted by Austin Tue Jul 21, 2009 4:14pm PDT

    are these 7 thing to say if you want to get kicked out of bed???

    Report Abuse
  • Kendra's Avatar
    Posted by Kendra Tue Jul 21, 2009 4:25pm PDT

    It should be titled "Things to say to someone if you never want sex again!".

    Report Abuse
  • Jennifer C's Avatar
    Posted by Jennifer C Tue Jul 21, 2009 4:29pm PDT

    I agree, keep it light, it's an experience, not a conversation.

    Report Abuse
  • knowledge's Avatar
    Posted by knowledge Tue Jul 21, 2009 4:49pm PDT

    wow this is one of the most horrible things i've ever read

    Report Abuse
  • princess's Avatar
    Posted by princess Tue Jul 21, 2009 4:49pm PDT

    I'm old fashioned and would kick you got of bed if you said any of these things to me. I agree with "sdavid5420", "Klobb"; "austinkerr@..."; "fromsealuf0"; and "Kendra". Give me a break YourTango!

    Report Abuse
  • Kyle's Avatar
    Posted by Kyle Tue Jul 21, 2009 4:55pm PDT

    hey dum basses why you dont you all go back to english class, learn the language again the right way and look at it again it all makes perfect sense you have understand the language and interperet and use in your way like she said in the damn title i swear to god this country has gone to s---, no proper education, i didnt even graduate high school and im smarter than 80 percent of the earths population.

    Report Abuse
  • mommaofsun's Avatar
    Posted by mommaofsun Tue Jul 21, 2009 4:55pm PDT

    Today is our anniversary. I thought a subtle "rip my clothes off and do me right here" might work.

    Report Abuse
  • Kyle's Avatar
    Posted by Kyle Tue Jul 21, 2009 4:56pm PDT

    shut up people

    Report Abuse
Comments 1-10 of 60

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