Love + Sex

Thursday, December 3, 2009

A Cute Gesture, Or Total Insanity?

One of my co-workers, Jenn, went temporarily psycho a few weeks ago when her overseas love interest visited NYC from Denmark. I've decided to chronicle the events here to save others from making the same kind of error.

She met him over New Year's and the two hung out for a week before the guy had to conclude his visit to NYC. At this point he headed back home to Denmark-needless to say this was quite a long distance relationship. But if they were making one another happy, no problem there.

For Valentine's Day, chocolates and a teddy bear showed up at our office prompting a wild reaction among co-workers like village town folk gathering for a witch trial. I often wonder if sending huge Valentine's packages into offices is a good idea. Bored workers cooking under white light are just waiting for something to spice up the day. It puts the spotlight on the recipient and they have a lot of explaining to do.

This occasion was no different; she explained that her and her guy decided to stay together and that he was coming to visit soon. We even read the card: "To My Favorite American," which led us to wonder if his favorite English, Italian, Chinese, and Samoan had received the same form letter. Perhaps something was lost in translation.

For the next few weeks we all came to accept the strange little yelps and sighs that Jenn emitted as she got instant messages from her Dane. The Visit was coming, and we knew it was going to be a production, but we were not prepared for the opening act.

Just a day before her Dane's visit, Jenn showed up and quickly drew a throng of female co-workers around her. As I approached, I noticed female co-workers leaving the circle with pensive and slightly disturbed looks on their faces as if they were walking away from a snake exhibit after getting a close look at the specimen inside. When I got into the huddle, I saw the source of the ruckus: Jenn had decided to paint the flag of Denmark on her toenails.

Danish Flag

http://wwp.greenwichmeantime.co.uk/time-zone/europe/european-union/denmark/images/denmark-flag.jpg

She had her toes out of her shoes (already questionable) and was wiggling them with the red background against the white cross-I must say it was a rather handsome flag. The beauty of the flag aside, the guys looked at one another with that collective "she's gone psycho" look. But she was sitting there pleased with herself with that "I've just joined a cult" perma-smile. We decided we had to do some intervention.

We told her that she had to get rid of the patriotic pedicure. It looked calculated and insane. This guy, after his long trip overseas, would get off the plane and see that she had adorned her body with his country's colors, and would probably turn around and get right back onto the plane.

In addition to thinking she might be insane, the poor Dane would see that the entire challenge and mystery of this girl was gone. Personally, I would take one look at this girl's pedicure, even if it was something as amazing as, say, the Maryland flag , and assume that I had already won this girl over and could easily makeout with her.

Guys like a challenge, and they like to work a little bit to get to "paint my flag on your toenails" phase.

Guys look for managable baggage and general sanity in women above all else. Perhaps we were a little tough on our co-worker, but we felt that it had to be done. In a moment of sanity, she later thanked us and said that she had "clearly underestimated how crazy this maneuver would look to a guy."

Do you think we were too hard on our co-worker, or do you agree with her defense that she thought it was a "cute" idea? What is the most insane stunt an admirer has pulled for you? Have you made any "insane stunt" errors in your romantic past?

Follow Me On Twitter: www.twitter.com/richravens


Posted by Rich


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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 27
  • BrokenHeartedGirl.com's Avatar
    Posted by BrokenHeartedGirl.com Wed May 27, 2009 3:39pm PDT

    I don't know...I talk to so many women that are so scared to really go all out and let themselves be in love, that I kind of envy this woman. Maybe she's young and carefree, but I just really wish more women would allow themselves to let go and let themselves be happy. It's not easy to be vulnerable and she's taking a BIG chance dating someone who lives that far away completely exclusively. But sometimes it works out.

    The toenails - maybe it was a bit much - but her enthusiasm is wonderful. It's so nice to hear that there is someone left in the world who isn't totally cynical about love and romance.

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  • BrokenHeartedGirl.com's Avatar
    Posted by BrokenHeartedGirl.com Wed May 27, 2009 3:44pm PDT

    And you know what...I want to amend my comment. I wish more PEOPLE (not just women) were willing to let themselves go and let themselves be happy without all the cynicism. I probably should have been born in the 60's, that's such a hippie attitude.

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  • Ms.Marie's Avatar
    Posted by Ms.Marie Wed May 27, 2009 3:50pm PDT

    i couldnt agree more brokenheartedgirl! I'm so over holding back and being coy, blah blah blah. Sure, some guys wont give an enthusiastic girl time of day but who wants to be in a lukewarm relationship anyways? I dated a guy who, after about a month created a collage of photos of me. Yeah he did. A little crazy? Maybe, but endearing nonetheless becuase it showed that he was excited about me, and he wasn't trying to be cool or BS, he was just being himself and that was SO refreshing! That was three years ago and we're living together now. Maybe we should spend less time debating how we SHOULD be and more time being who we are.

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  • Doktor Eevol's Avatar
    Posted by Doktor Eevol Wed May 27, 2009 3:57pm PDT

    You know what? Her relationship isn't about you, the people you work with, or all the guys on the planet for that matter. Her relationship is about her and Mr. Dane.

    Your reaction is more about you and your co-worker's inability to understand a romantic relationship beyond the childish stuck up posturing everyone thinks will make them look cool. In reality, it just makes you all look like petty, jealous backstabbers.

    And how do YOU know how Mr Dane is going to react to her toenails? Do you talk to him on a daily basis as she does? Maybe he's got a foot fetish, and will *love* it. But I know that possibility would just infuriate you more - because the idea of someone feeling so great about themselves and their relationship enough to do something a little wonky to show her affection - really tees you off huh?

    It's just painted toenails and you reacted as though she sent him a dead squirrel. You and your coworkers need to grow up, get over yourselves, and stop trying to brainwash everyone else into the same stuffy, repressed little [ ] box of thinking.

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  • BrokenHeartedGirl.com's Avatar
    Posted by BrokenHeartedGirl.com Wed May 27, 2009 4:08pm PDT

    Wow Ms. Marie. That sounds so romantic! A lot of women might have been 'turned off' by that - because they are too cynical to appreciate it. You're right. A lukewarm relationship isn't something we should be striving for. I think it's great that you guys are living together now. What a great story to tell your friends/family (maybe kids one day?!).

    MJ

    BrokenHeartedGirl.com

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  • elle's Avatar
    Posted by elle Wed May 27, 2009 4:12pm PDT

    Rich, I really like you. After the week I have had with mixed signals and people showing up after being MIA for 5 months, I really like hearing a guys opinion on things like this. Personally, I think the Denmark flag on her toenail is really cute---if they were a serious, hardcore, dating for at least a year couple. Seeing how they just met and they were still in the very early stages of getting to know one another, face to face that is, I don't think you were hard on her. If she really wanted to show her support for her Danish lover then maybe she could have opted for some Danish flag colored inspired lingerie instead. Subtle is always better ladies.

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  • james's Avatar
    Posted by james Wed May 27, 2009 6:10pm PDT

    I wonder (Rich)if any female was that excited about seeing you,

    would you be that afraid of her...if so,you might be projecting your issues on others.if love or lust is painting your toes funny then,,lets go shopping for some toe polish.lol

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  • opiniononly's Avatar
    Posted by opiniononly Wed May 27, 2009 6:27pm PDT

    It's toenail polish for gosh sakes...what is the big deal if she wanted to do something outside the box for her foreign bf...and really, what business is it for any of you to judge her? All you succeeded in doing was tossing a bucket of cold water on her anticipation of seeing him...which is one of the GREATEST parts of being in love. I agree with Doktor Eevol - as I often do - get you own lives and butt out of hers. Why don't you all try to celebrate her happiness instead of trying to control it with your own buzz kill pettiness. Shame on all of you!

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  • Pulchritude's Avatar
    Posted by Pulchritude Wed May 27, 2009 6:45pm PDT

    Personally, I think, Rich, you've been a good colleague and friend.

    I'm not really sure how a guy thinks about an overseas girl, who he's been connected to via internet or through being pen pals, having his country's flag painted on her toenails is endearing to him - as I am a lass myself. But I think she was well too overboard.

    I agree with you that she might have let go too much of herself and that she should leave a little bit of mystery and challenge to herself.

    The Dane might have thought she was obsessed with him and this would certainly send him running to the hills.

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  • LydiaMarie's Avatar
    Posted by LydiaMarie Wed May 27, 2009 8:59pm PDT

    Wow. Its freaking toe nail polish. And you wrote an article about it, and you're not a girl.

    My other thought - You all have way too much time on your hands at work. Who's paying you people?

    Report Abuse
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