I have worked so hard to get to where I am today. It's not easy going from an erotic & celebrity like industry into the main stream world. I've actually always been kind of proud of that. Just because I did that does not make me an idiot! It's almost comical the reaction that I get from people when they find out. It's even more comical to me to watch the people that are fascinated by it all get either uncomfortable around me all of a sudden, or become suddenly overly "interested" in me. I got phone calls from guys who hardly talked to me at all for the first two years that I worked there.
I went from the new kid on the floor who was kicking ass...to the "now I know how she made all those sales" impression on people. Why is it that people automatically assume that you must be using your looks or your "female" to get ahead in the corporate world? To be quit honest, I'm tired of it. I am just an average woman, who, by the way, is very good at her job & like many of you, did some crazy things when I was young that I will never live down.
In my case I am paying the price with my own humility. For some reason I always feel like I have to prove myself worthy when the reality of it is that I took a bad situation, during a bad time in my youth and turned into something that really worked for me at the time. There is nothing stupid about that. We all do it in different ways. People are just very different than each other & we all have our own story don't we?
I think what's bothering me the most is the fact that one minute I was a rockstar performer at my "real" job...(one of the top producers in the office) yet the minute someone found out about my former career path, rather than them respecting my privacy, they turned their back on me as a friend and couldn't wait to tell EVERYONE. I don't understand. I was very well respected at work until this. A successful business woman in the corporate world. How am I different all of a sudden because people know that, God forbid, I was having sex at that time in my life just like they were. The only difference is my escapades are on TV once in a while.
Sorry. But I have a very hard time looking at someone and judging them simply by their past , or the way they look, or whatever your particular beef is with a ramdom person. Maybe it's because of the fact that I live with this every day. I know deep down that I am a decent and contributing person in society, but I am still judged by the masses. How is it that we as people judge someone based on their current situation if we don't the facts? I'm here to tell you that there are many of us one paycheck away from being homeless.
I met a guy downtown at the mission where I volunteer who's wife died unexpectedly, and because he was now a single father of two children and didn't have the support system he needed, he ended up losing his job and now all three of them live in a shelter behind the mission. He worked for Microsoft. He was a respected and financially secure until the medical bills poured in, his emotions got the best of him, and he couldn't keep up with work or his mortgate on a bad loan.
I think that before any of us judge another person we had better take a good look in the mirror at ourselves and think about things in our own lives that people may judge us on and remember that the person we are passing judgement on is just as human as we are and they deserve the same type of common courtesy you and I expect every day.
Humility is a very powerful tool. Be careful how you use it.
As for me, I'll get through this transition just like I have everything else. That doesn't mean I have to like it! But I suppose everything does happen for a reason...even if we don't understand what that reason is.
