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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Advice from our guy friends: My boyfriend won't cuddle. Help!

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Q: Why doesn't my boyfriend like to cuddle?

Gay Committed Guy (Terence): Boys don't like to cuddle 'cause it rarely means foreplay. Cuddling is an
end to itself. You cuddle, and that's it. No climax. And half the time you wind up with a kink in your neck or trying to ignore your arm that fell asleep half an hour ago. Have you tried following up your cuddles with a happy ending?

Video: What Do Women Need To Know About Sex?

Straight Married Guy (Frederick): I dunno. He should. Cuddling is nice. What's his problem? Cuddling is the physical manifestation of intimacy. Sometimes guys have issues with that. I don't know why. I guess some guys just want to have a zen experience after sex, and intimacy complicates the feeling of freedom. Try to be cool with no touching after sex for a while. Then sneak in a cuddle in a different setting, in front of the TV, waiting for a flight. Then try working a little cuddle back in after sex.

The seven levels of love: Want to know where exactly your relationship is going? Measure your intimacy progress over at Glamour.

Straight single guy (Chris): He's tired, sweaty, or cheating on you. He also just really, really wants to finish watching Top Gear.

Actually, he does like to cuddle, just not when you like to cuddle. Want to lay on his lap while watching a movie on the couch? He'd be fine with that. You get cuddle-time and he gets to enjoy the movie without you talking over it and asking questions about shoes. Want to spoon up with him in the morning before eventually giving him a ----- and sending him off to work with a huge smile on his face and a super-boosted ego? By all means.

Want to cuddle in bed on the night the air conditioner brakes down and the bedroom temperature is something approaching "broil"? Actually, no, he'd rather change places with you so he could be closer to the fan. Want to cuddle at 5 a.m. after maniacal gorilla sex and a facial ending? Well, no. All that gorilla sex takes effort and he is tired and sweaty and feeling like a man. The last thing he wants is to wrap his arms and legs around you and pretend he loves you. He really wants to call his friends to brag about what a slut you are, then smoke a joint and go to sleep.

More from Glamour: Men tell women the sexual acts they've never done before--but would like to.

Our "guys" are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week's Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico.

MORE FROM DAILY BEDPOST AND GLAMOUR:

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Comments 1-10 of 23
  • 's Avatar
    Posted by Fri Aug 29, 2008 8:42am PDT

    Your boyfriend may not want to cuddle because of factors; does he love you, temperature, your stage of comfortability, location, publiv vs. private, and ect.

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  • David's Avatar
    Posted by David Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:38am PDT

    He won't cuddle? This is insane. Cuddling is huge positive point of being with my partner....It is such a warm gentle time to bond there is almost nothing better.

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  • Nose's Avatar
    Posted by Nose Fri Aug 29, 2008 2:18pm PDT

    Maybe he doesn't want to bond. Cuddling sets all those warm fuzzy feel-good chemicals into gear and then one feels more intimate. Some guys just aren't cuddlers. Others are really into it and even initiate it without the promise of sex. Depends on the individual. As for sleeping in the same bed afterwards, I don't want to be touched much. I want my space and sleep and don't want to spoon or cuddle or even have an arm draped across me. Sleep is precious. I don't mean immediately right after lovemaking.....some cuddling there is OK, I'd rather just hang out and talk for a bit then say g'night and roll over and go to sleep. Preference.

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  • Rae's Avatar
    Posted by Rae Fri Aug 29, 2008 6:41pm PDT

    I am the complete opposite. I hate to cuddle, love to sleep afterward. I can tolerate cuddling for only a little bit then I will actually find any excuse to leave the room whether its that I have to go potty or that I have a charlie horse in my leg, or I will feign that I cant breathe or anything to break up the captured feeling that cuddling can induce. My latest dude liked to cuddle waaay too much, was almost totally on MY BACK he was starving for attention. I tried to deal with it for about 2 weeks then I started making excuses that I had to leave early then I started shortening the time together and finally broke things off. I have to have space and I am finding that out the hard way. Sorry if that offends, maybe I am not really meant for marriage. Take Care.-Rachel.

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  • BEAUTY 22's Avatar
    Posted by BEAUTY 22 Fri Aug 29, 2008 6:59pm PDT

    my boyfriend only wants to cuddle in the middle of the night whn she want some and i dont like that he have all day to get some but he wait until he have to go to work to cuddle i dont no whats the problem i love to cuddle but i guess he dont whats up with that

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  • G-MACK's Avatar
    Posted by G-MACK Sat Aug 30, 2008 3:35am PDT

    could ot be your body type? i hate trying to cuddle with skin and bones... example, try spooning with a cactus...see not very comfortable. try eating a sandwich.

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  • JohnL's Avatar
    Posted by JohnL Sat Aug 30, 2008 3:46pm PDT

    I love to cuddle. It represents a closeness and a bond with the love of my life. Unless it's to hot (temp.) I also like my space, as others do. After the cuddle, let them have their space, it does not mean you are not loved. Some people are and some are not cuddlers. Find out in the beginning will they cuddle, if it's important to you. Mine cuddles, it's important for security and other emotional well being. :-) So cuddle up.

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  • mccray's Avatar
    Posted by mccray Sat Aug 30, 2008 8:48pm PDT

    I made my guy tell me why he doesnt want to cuddle and simply told me ...cuddling leads to nothing...there will be no ---. Sad but its understandable its almost like putting your key in the car turning it on and not going any where sad right ................but its a give or take ......at least i get it after sex!!!!

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  • monmon's Avatar
    Posted by monmon Sat Aug 30, 2008 10:25pm PDT

    my significant other does not like to cuddle..bummer..=[

    i try not to take it personally, but it does leave me feeling a bit unwanted. we discussed it, and to be honest, it does not matter what was said. certain things do not need to be over-analyzed. just ask yourself what you need vs what you want.

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  • ALIZE's Avatar
    Posted by ALIZE Sun Aug 31, 2008 1:26am PDT

    I had a boyfriend that loved to cuddle , and I am the same way.. there is some guys that I have been with for a while and if they dont cuddle I cut them loose .. talking about " no I dont do that stuff" F... That!!! latersss

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Comments 1-10 of 23

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