I'm a fun person. My friends would tell you that I'm wild and crazy, the life of the party. I love to go out- I'm a college student in the nation's biggest party city- especially if there will be dancing. I frequently make inappropriate jokes (especially while playing bridge; it's so easy!). I'm attractive, and guys are always after me.
I'm also a virgin.
When I read this blog post by Colin Adamo, I knew I would have to take issue with it. This article represents exactly what is wrong with society, what pushes young people into having sex, and why there's such a huge divide between my generation and that of my parents.
In the post, Colin's friend "Hannah" is clearly upset that she is still considered a virgin, although she is apparently a very experienced lesbian. She's "been really frustrated recently by the fact that she'll be receiving her degree while still holding onto her V- Card" (to quote directly from Colin's text). While the points Colin makes about who should be considered a virgin are completely valid (in my opinion), he makes the same fundamental mistake so many people my age make: he characterizes virginity as disabling, a nuisance, something to be rid of as soon as possible. He even suggests that anyone who has been in an intimate setting "deserves to have swiped his or her V-Card," as if society needs as few of us as are absolutely necessary! This backwards logic reflects the same line of thought my friends used in high school as they hastened to have sex with anyone who seemed to be "Mr. (or Ms.) Right," and the same excuses high- school boys give to young girls to get them to spread their legs.
Don't get me wrong- I'm not putting down anyone who lost their virginity in high school or earlier. Having sex is (usually) a choice that depends on many different factors for many different people. I'm just tired of hearing about how virgins are always ugly or boring people who can't find someone who would be willing to do them. I'm tired of being told that I should have had sex, or that I should be drinking, or any manner of behaviors that I'm not interested in (currently). I'm tired of popular culture telling me that virginity is some kind of unspeakable evil.
Remaining abstinent is a choice I made on my own. Like Hannah, I did not have a father who "dragged" me "to a Purity Ball." The only time I spent "buried behind a wall of books" was the time I got paid for (I was a librarian). I don't even like studying. Virgins cannot and should not be classified as unattractive or undesirable. Some of the ugliest (by conventional standards) and most boring people I know are also the biggest freaks I've ever met.
The next time you put someone down for not being sexually active, please realize that this is often a choice people make willingly. There are people like me out there who are just waiting to be ready- whether that will be when they're 16, 18, 22, or married. Personally, I will be proud to graduate with my V- Card, and I'm looking forward to my wedding night, when I can give myself to the man that has pledged himself to me.
All My Virgins, Put Your Vs in the Air!
- by , on Sat Jun 14, 2008 12:54pm PDT
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From the Community…
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Posted by Sat Jun 14, 2008 1:11pm PDT
Report Abusebut you see i been praying for over a year to get over a way older guy that im not supposed to even like but thank you at least you care my friends dont my life so far has been a huge reck
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Posted by Sat Jun 14, 2008 11:04pm PDT
Report AbuseV
^- there's my V in the air for virgin! I completely understand and respect your decision and where you are coming from and I am experiencing the exact same thing as well. I also do not drink, so I really agreed with everything you had to say. We just have to find more people like ourselves and make it a point to stay strong.
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Posted by Sat Jun 14, 2008 11:20pm PDT
Report Abusei totally agree with u. we shouldnt be told and somewhat pressure by others and tell us to give it up because we are getting old and still not getting some. i too havent had sex because of choice not for the lack of getting some. i actually think we should be role models to those teenagers who give it up for peer pressure, curiousity, or simply just cause. we should embrace them to save it up for later on in life and by choice not bc u would be the only 'loser' in ur group who hasnt had sex yet. i honestly love being a virgin i have no shame to it because it shows my willingness to stick to something i promise to myself regardless of any weak moments ive had in my life.
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Posted by Sat Jun 14, 2008 11:28pm PDT
Report AbuseCongratulations! on being strong, and stay proud. I'm glad that you’re standing for something because too many people are falling for everything.
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Posted by Sun Jun 15, 2008 4:52am PDT
Report Abusei think that is so amazing-way to go.it is very hard in life to stay so strong in this world today.i sometimes wish i would have waited longer than 18 but then i wouldnt have 2 beautiful boys in my life.but i am glad you are taking a stand on soemthing that matters
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Posted by Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:03am PDT
Report AbuseREAL MEN RESPECT REAL WOMEN. As a man, I have learned to appreciate that women deserve to to have their own voice and opinions, and that includes their views on sex.
While in college, I knew several women who made the decision to keep their virginity. One of them happened to be my "little sister", a young lady that I'd known most of my life, and who lived just down the street from me. I had always counseled her about guys, and on several occassions, I had to step in to protect her from some who were overly aggresive.
I don't ever think she regretted waiting to lose her virginity. As a matter of fact, I truly believe that she is happy having waited until she met the man who eventually became her husband. They have a wonderful life, a wonderfuyl family, and a wonderful relationship.
I doubt if "what if" has ever crossed her mind.
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Posted by Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:37pm PDT
Report AbuseVVVVV!!!!!!*Vs in the air!! i agree with everything u said.im 17 an a very very proud virgin and im planning to keep it that way till my wedding nite.i dont drink either:) and i agree with everything u just said
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Posted by Sun Jun 15, 2008 11:38pm PDT
Report Abusewow i was begining to think that that was alost cause thanks so much for putting that out there it is so amazing to here of some one else who beleives it is a good thing to hold on to and is why the longest i ever had anything to do with a guy stands at 5 wks and its really horible that it is put out as a thing to loose not keep ill be 22 in less than a month and even though there are some things im not proud of im saving that one thing of going all the way for the night i decide to commit the rest of my life to that specail amazing someone
i do drink but didnt till i was 21 and had been 21 for a few months but i only drink on acassion and only with people i trust and never to much.
i beleive it is important to know yourself inside out before you ever get that close to a man or in alot of todays cases a boy
and that every decision in life like drinkin and having sex and even just simply making out with a guy is to be made with great thought and that you should decide yourself when you are ready for each next step or avoiding that step and not let others influence your choices and keep being strong
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Posted by Mon Jun 16, 2008 9:38am PDT
Report Abuseyou see thats the problem my friends arent there for me they just say you love him and are so mean to me about it
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Posted by Mon Jun 16, 2008 9:38am PDT
Report Abuseyou see thats the problem my friends arent there for me they just say you dont love him and are so mean to me about it
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