It's pretty well accepted that girls mature faster than boys in most aspects of life. But what about when it comes to sex? While these days girls tend to have sex just as early and just as often as boys, what about older / more mature women who have past the days of "checking out the field" and have settled into long-term monogamous relationships?
Speaking from personal experience, when I first met my husband (my first and only lover) almost eight years ago , we used to go at it like freaking rabbits!! I mean whenever, wherever - his house, my house (whether parents were home or not), inside the car, on top of the car, restaurants, parks....well you get the point. But while his appetite for sex has not dwindled at all, I find myself not wanting it as much as I used to. Now make no mistake, I think my man is the sexiest man on the planet and I love nothing better than to watch him take a shower, or get dressed, or get undressed. He has the sexiest glutes that I have ever seen and his kisses leave me breathless.
So why don't I want to jump his bones as soon as he walks through the door? Why is it that most times it's only while we are having sex that I get really turned on and not before? Or why is it that most times, he's the one to initiate sex? Is it an unconscious response to the daily stress of getting up early every day, dealing with the jackasses of the world, both on the roads and in the workplace, coming home to cook, wash, clean....? Or is it that my libido has slowed down for a while and at some point it should pick back up? Or is it that even though we used to have sex so frequently before, I still wasn't at my prime and it was just a response to the relationship being new and exciting?
Some people say a woman reaches her sexual peak at 35, some say 40 or 50!! I'm just on the edge of 30, do I have to wait 5 or more years to match my husband's sexual appetite? Or do I just need to find a really good shrink to work out some deep seated issues that only a shrink can identify? But as Mo'Nique would say, why pay a shrink $500 an hour to lie on a couch and ask for help when you can go through therapy for free with an audience?
Talk to me people...
Am I past my sexual peak?
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From the Community…
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Posted by Mon Aug 4, 2008 9:17am PDT
Report AbuseI do not believe it has anything to do with your sexual peak. As time goes by in a relationship, the fires do burn down a bit. It is normal. Some people's libidos are just higher than others. It is up to you and your husband to keep the fires burning. As you probably already know, if your last sexual experience with your husband was above and beyond great, you find yourself feeling more sexual and feel like you want to do it again.
My advice to you is to rev up your sex life. Don't let the day to day routine put a damper on your sex life. I don't know if you and your husband talk about your day at the end of the day or not but if you do, initiate the 10 minute rule. The 10 minute rule is that each partner can talk about their frustrations, joys and occurances of their day for 10 minutes each. After that, dedicate the rest of the night to other things and dedicate time to eachother before going to sleep at night. This will make you feel closer. Also, you can try different things such as going to a sex shop together and picking out toys that you can both get pleasure out of durning intercourse.
Also, if you feel sexy, you will feel sexual. Try to buy some nice lingerie to wear at least one night out of the week. And buy some sexy and comfortable babydolls to wear to bed instead of regular pijamas. Remember, the sexier you feel, the more sexual you will feel.
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Posted by Mon Aug 4, 2008 11:44am PDT
Report AbuseMy wife is the same way. We are both 41 with busy jobs and lives. Where my sexual appetite has maintained my wife's has dwindled a bit and she too wondered what to do. I have figured out that on the weekends or whenever we get a chance if I just brush against her in passing or nibble her neck or ears through out the day and let her know that I want her without pushing the issue then by that afternoon or night she is usually attacking me with no problem. We have also added phone sex, text sex, toys and mutual masterbation sitting facing each other turning each other on til we take each other to extasy. You may also want to try over the counter sexual stimulants fron any GNC store. Good luck and happy orgasms.
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Posted by Mon Aug 4, 2008 12:12pm PDT
Report AbuseI am 40years old and it's hard for me to find a man to keep up with my sexual appetite.
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Posted by Mon Aug 4, 2008 12:29pm PDT
Report AbuseAs for me, the case is different. I like to make love but he didn't provide me anything. When I go in bed I'm already turned on but he's not. In the last month almost he didn't touch me!
Please don't understand me wrong. I don't want to complain here of my life and I'm not starting to say now, something like this: "why we can't switch our husbands?" Into a way or another way, those things it seems to be on package.
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Posted by Mon Aug 4, 2008 12:46pm PDT
Report AbuseI went a few years without the least bit interest in sex when I was around your age. But boy howdy when it came back My man who is six years younger then me could not keep up I think every once in a while he pretends to fall asleep early. Hang on girl it gets better Lots and Lots better!
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Posted by Mon Aug 4, 2008 12:53pm PDT
Report AbuseIt's different for each person, I'm guessing yours is probably from the stress of real life. When you met your husband you two were probably just getting started in the real world. I have the same issues with mine, we both met young and now that we have been together and out on our own for a while it's sometimes hard to coordinate schedules. I would set aside one night a week for you and your husband to have date night, that might spice things up a bit for you. But I feel your pain lol no matter how much I love sex, most nights if I'm not getting home until 8 at night and still have to make dinner, I have no energy to get down and dirty. :)
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Posted by Mon Aug 4, 2008 1:01pm PDT
Report AbuseI'm 40 and have been married to my husband for 10 years....been with him for 12 all together. It was all good at the start of our relationship, we had sex everyday and night, he was my "god's gift to women", the only man that could fullfill all of my needs. I think you get "comfortable" with each other and the lust and desire that you share gets put on the back burner. Also the feelings that you have for each other in the beginning fades after a while....that hot lust and desire trades places with the bills getting paid, the kids needing your attention your job being more demanding...etc. We keep it alive by sending explicit text messages to each other through-out the day, it's an awesome way to let each other know exactly how you are feeling sexually and even if we don't have sex, we are intimate with each other just because we, and it gives us something to look forward to once all has been taken care of. I also agree with Aimeev,if you FEEL sexy you will BE sexual....As far as a shrink....toss the idea, you don't need one, all women at one time or another feel the exact way that you feel...it's normal and you don't need to waste money on someone that will tell you the same thing.
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Posted by Mon Aug 4, 2008 2:24pm PDT
Report AbuseIm 40 and i love every min of sex.
as we get older we get better
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Posted by Mon Aug 4, 2008 2:39pm PDT
Report AbuseI love you all girls (nothing personal)!
I don't say it isn't nice but after sex must be something nice to remember for the remaining day. If not, sex lead to troubles: strangers-friends-sex-"love u ... love u too"-sex-friends-strangers.
When I am happy, the people nearest to me are wondering what may be wrong with me: is my goofy smile. But, that don't have necessary something to do with sex. Instead, is something like: "if you look on me you will see that I'm not here but somewhere inside of a dream".
My question is how can be the: "marriage, routine and dreams" successfully linked together?
I have my secret weapons and I can reveal here secret info's, but I can tell you that, in my last 9 years of marriage, what I have tried to avoid was "a routine of dreams".
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