I hear a lot about women complaining about guys not having the
balls to approach women anymore and how women aren't being
asked out and how men are weak and don't want a confident
woman. I can understand what would make them say that.
From their point of view, they are intelligent, classy and have a
lot to offer. They have their own everything and are
independent and "Don't need a man."
On the guys side, I can understand guys not wanting to approach
women. Some are just out to attract you to boost their egos
with no interest in you whatsoever when you are genuinely trying to
make a connection. After a few times of being rejected, no
one wants to keep dealing with it. And another point men make
is "Well, if you're all that then why don't you
approach me? You have everything and always complain about
men and you're time being wasted, you should be able to pick
and choose your men, right?" That's why women
stating that men don't have balls anymore seems like the pot
calling the kettle black because if given that same scenario,
switched around, most would never do it. Maybe they are
trying to use reverse psychology to goad men into approaching them
more by challenging their manhood? Who knows. Some go
as far as evolution and that's the way it should always be,
regardless of the fact that there are some species in the animal
world where the female courts the male. I digress.
But ladies, I have to say a lot of you THINK these things and
whether all of the above are true or not, throwing it in a
guy's face will get you right where you are: by
yourself. If a guy approaches you and you act as if
you're God's gift to men or they aren't worthy of you,
that is picked up almost immediately. Yes, even before you
are approached. There are just some guys so full of
themselves that they approach anyway. Another thing is guys
have feelings too whether you like it or not, and whether they
admit it or not. It can be a nerve racking thing to approach
a stranger and not know whether you are going to get laughed at,
maced, totally ignored or something else. The imagination can
run a bit wild in these situations just as they do for you.
I think both sides can learn a lot by being more open and
understanding towards each other. Some days you feel the
confidence and can say all the right things. Some days the
confidence may be there but your tongue gets twisted between
thinking about what you want to say and actually saying it.
Other times, there's just no confidence or desire at all
despite receiving all the signs.
I don't presume to know it all or speak for anyone by any
means. So, ladies what are your feelings on this topic?
Guys, am I on point or close to it? Both sides can add their
own takes on the subject.
Approaching women...
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 9:33am PST
Report AbuseI think we live in a shallow society where no matter what the opposite sex does, it's like throwing water in a strainer... all will sink to the bottom no matter how fast and furiously we try to fill the pot.
The only way to attract a real person is to add water to a solid pot.
To find the solid pot, one doesn't have to jump through hoops and get rejected. One just has to hang out and "be". I really believe that 100%.
Now, as I always say, if you're looking for sex only, then you're going to have to join the dog and pony show and take your lumps when they are dished out. It's up to you if it's worth it or not.
Either way, YOU are worth it and I wish you luck, TJ!
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 11:40am PST
Report AbuseAs I stated before.........it shouldn't matter who make the first move, who approach who first or who initiates what but it has to be a JOINT EFFORT following the approach. If good vibes (attraction, flirting) are being felt by both individuals involved, then having the fear of being rejected should be greatly reduced.
Everyone has or will get rejected in their lifetime but it's not the end of the world. What frustrates me the most about some men is that most times,they have no intentions of ever contacting you or asking youout but yet they approach you pretending to be genuinely interested in you only to discover that he was actually on a booty hunt.
Also, most guys (this DOES NOT apply to all ) no longer want to put forth the effort anymore to get to know someone. Unfortunately, real dating has been replaced with cheap "hook ups" (cheap wine and him taking up space on your couch or "chilling @ YOUR crib) thinking he's doing something in hopes of getting some a#@ from the woman, NO TO THE HELL NAW!
I'm not asking a man to paint the town red for me but damn, what's wrong with a movie, a nice reasonably priced restaurant to dine in with a few cocktails, things that folks use to do when getting to know someone. It seems like a lot of these men nowadays just want something for nothing. It doesn't matter if the woman approaches the man, ask him out or whatever the case. And yes, I definately agree with the author above, approaching a woman who thinks she's God gift to man with gold laying between her legs should be avoided @ all cost, same goes for women who are approached with hidden agendas (FWBs, casual friends, non-committment types and so forth)
I believe it's someone out there for everyone but we have to learn how to be a little more patient with the dating game and also keep in mind who, where and what type of people we meet, it definately does make a difference.
I understand that there are no guarantees that anything will come out of a few dates but people need to be more upfront with their intentions instead of wasting each other's time with games and b*# s#@%. And some men wonders why some women just be like to hell with the whole dating scene.
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 11:59am PST
Report AbuseBeautiful answers, that's what I'm talking about! RC, I was going to give the women's point of view but didn't want to speak for women and also, didn't want the post to be too long. Thank you. Guys with "game" have ruined things for most guys who are interested in a long term relationship or at least getting to know a woman. I have seen girls knowingly choose these guys over the real ones because he "seemed" to be more fun. In the end, they wound up being just that: fun for HIM. A play thing. Other times, guys come off like they are a decent guy to get in the door but a week or two later, show their true colors. The signs are there but most of the time are ignored or "He's cute" or "He's fun" gets in the way and the pain begins. Dating for me has been put on the back burner because it's just not what it used to be and the excuse we all give of "I'm too busy." I may wrote a blog about that next but it's such a broad topic. We'll see. Thanks again.
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 12:26pm PST
Report Abusegood post TJ, when I was single I approached women all the time, I was successful about 20% of the time and considered that successful, even some of the best looking male friends of mine got rejected a lot. and if she wasn't interested, then moved on as it wasn't going to work anyways. Don't take those rejections personally, she really doesn't know you, you may be a great guy, she just has a different idea of her ideal man. Better to find out then just guessing. I fear regret more than I do rejection. If you don't approach, she surely isn't going to no matter how many articles are written about it.
But what it does is let's you "decide who you will approach" and that gave me the power to decide/choose who I was interested in. if women don't want to approach you, they will forever be left to be "choosen" and I personally don't want to wait around for that. Plus men now a days worry too much what she will think of you. if you think she is interesting, go up and talk and if she rejects you...well she wasn't as interesting as you thought. but now you know. better than to be always guessing or worst hoping and getting angry because nobody is asking and leaving you to think all men/women are jerks.
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 1:33pm PST
Report AbuseExcellent advice, Tom. I'm in total agreeance with what you said and learned that a while ago but I think more guys need to hear it. The good ones anyway. Plus, the more you practice something the better you get at it is what I say. It will be easier to do and less painful. Great answer on the sitting around and waiting too.
RC, You're welcome.
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 2:39pm PST
Report Abusebeing a woman I see all the time women who try to achieve so much and then say they got their own and they dont need a man. but i am successful and i know at the end of the day that whats the point of having everything with no one to share it with. So, a word of advise ladies, dont try to put down a man because you acheive more than him because you wiil find yourself "standing in the mist of everything surounded by nothing."
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 3:19pm PST
Report AbuseWell it is part of evolution.Man don't "need a woman" either, they do their own laundry there're plenty of restaurants around, too busy with work/goals/achievementl to meet the demands of a serious relationship.
And let's not forget world has mixed which is great however is harder to understand different coultures/religions/ethnicities.
I agree with Tom man shouldn't take it personal/feel rejected cause we're looking for one guy not for anyone and everyone.
I believe that woman should choose among the ones that choose her.
No body's fault if people are single and complain. They're not comfortable in theirown skin and expect someone to do that for them.
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 4:33pm PST
Report AbuseApproaching a male or female would be easier if we knew what was coming after the initial hello, but see that is the beauty of it. We don't know, we don't know if we are going to get turned down or if that person is going to smile an inviting smile. No one likes it when they are rejected and so what it happens, instead of feeling like your world just crashed, feel good about actually saying something.
Because every place is the new hook-up spot it is hard to understand where a man is coming from. Most of the time you think they want to have some sort of relationship with you. Then before the 20minutes are up you realizes home boy is wanting a quick lay that last for about a mouth or two. No real genuine feelings just something to past his time with.
While women may do the same thing, I'm sure women are more obvious with the booty calls, and they I'll see you when I want to hit it again. There isn't a sugar to coat it it is what it is.
I think the problem is people have forgotten the difference between the hook-up and actually dating.
The hook-up is blah blah blah, it is based on instant selfish gratification. Where as dating is meaningful.
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Posted by Tue Nov 24, 2009 10:02am PST
Report AbuseAs a woman I know that I am not usually open to guys approaching me in the street, train, in route anywhere etc. Mainly because I've been ingrained with the idea of not talking to strangers even in adulthood. Its for my safety. I'm usually more comfortable breaking the ice when there's a commonplace involved. Now I know I come off as having an attitude but its out of caution, not that I am better than anyone. This is often mistaken by men, and it quickly reveals bad intentions. 'Oh well you wasn't all that anyway" blah blah blah. I usually reply "well you should go for what you really want and I'm glad we got that out in the open before any time was wasted." Understanding that women are preyed upon is important. A man with good intentions must do something to stand out against the wolves that are merely attracted to the ass print in dem jeans vs. actually wanting to date. Now again some women are not as open to being picked up by a stranger than others. I am admittedly one of those people. I don't know what the solutions is or how I'll ever be able to meet someone but thats just my take on the issue. Outside of places that serve alcohol where do adults meet? The environment is important for meaningful interactions and not that of an altered state of mind.
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