Love + Sex

From the Community…

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  Posted by BIGGUY Thu May 15, 2008 11:36am PDT

  I love to hold hand, kiss and hug and I am in nio hurry to have sex, but it seems I don't really know when its time to go for it, perhaps being 6'6" and 350lbs and a wieght lifter, which I though when I was younger that most women perfered a well developed body, now I can't sopor it will turn to flab, as some already has, and because of this, I get very nervous when it comes to sex, If I can't get hard I am very self consious, I would enjoy meeting the right lady, for romance anda Long term realtionship, but it seems the greasy guys get the ladies, where i ama gentleman, I have friends who are scrum and trhey always come home with the ladies, and I am left with myself, and slowly I am becoming more and more withdrawn, I do not like smoker or heavy drinkers, some guy don't care as long as they get sex.

  What am I doing wrong besides being over weight and having 22" bicepts and shoulders, and a chest that took over 20 years to develop, I get very nervous when I see someone i like I want to say hi but instead walk away and kick myself later, Please help, Mom always told me to be a gentleman I always am now I am 46 still single and haven't had a good relationship in over 14 years, some lady out their has to prefer a gentleman over a grease ball? or am i just kidding myself?

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  Posted by angelbaby Fri May 16, 2008 2:37am PDT

  Dear Lonely Guy~ As a woman let me enlighten you as to what I personally think you could do to increase your odds. First of all I hope you're not attempting to meet a potential date at the same establishment as your 'grease-ball' buddies. I've come to learn that we tend to attract partners who reflect how we feel about ourselves on the inside. My advice; at the grocery store,coffee shop,bus line,dry cleaners (where ever) make direct eye contact! Softly smile while doing so. Perhaps even a friendly "Nice day isn't it?" whatever it takes to get her to politely respond and smile back. Even if you have to fake it and you're knees are knocking, self confidence, NOT arogance, is so appealing. A nice friendly outgoing "Hello" direct eye contact with a warm smile is great for those everyday and every way casual meetings that could turn to perfect chance to ask her to coffee or even an ice cream cone. Im very attracted to a man that's got his eyes,chin and chest up! Fake it if you have to the first few times, but soon you'll see results and be walking tall with confidence because you will be getting "Hello" back along with a flash of her beautiful smile. It seems also that you're in need of a better relationship with YOURSELF!! If YOU LIKE YOU, that energy will pour from you and this is extremely appealing to us women. As far as the occasional lack of cooperation from the man below the belt...heck,you sound pretty normal for a man your age. Just think, most other men your age are dealing with the same issue. Initial fear, once overcome is managable but dont deny yourself or a partner when its really an easy obstacle to overcome, talk to your doctor. You may find the better relationship with self helps attract the better ladies which in turn will love you, Lonely Guy, for that knight in shinning armor that you really are!! Good luck! Love yourself better!

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  Posted by VICKIW Fri May 16, 2008 8:51am PDT

  WHEN YOU MEET SOME ONE THAT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT THEY WANT,THEN YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU NEED,THIS IS YOUR LIFE,YOU MAKE YOUR OWM HAPPINESS,SOME GUYS DOES NOT WANT TO COMMMIT,DO NOT WAIT FOR EVER FOR SOME ONE TO MAKE UP THEIR MIND.LIFE IS TO SHORT,STAY FRIENDS MOVE ON.

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  Posted by Beach Raccoon Fri May 16, 2008 9:21am PDT

  I really agree with angelbaby, although I'll admit I didn't read the whole thing because my attention span is on a meltdown right now... but leaving that apart, she is so right when she suggests that you have a better relationship with yourself. Confidence outshines everything and if women feel like you love yourself, they'll want to love you just the same. But don't give up on yourself, or women. You'll find someone out there when you least expect it! That's how life is, so just focus on yourself for now and... who knows! Maybe you'll find that lucky lady during your search for a boost of self-confidence. Buena Suerte!!!

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  Posted by lynn Fri May 16, 2008 9:43am PDT

  I know that I NEED to move on in my relationship of 4-years, however the courage to let go does not seem to be within reach.

  This relationship has nearly -0- for affection and I not only want it I need it---there is no kissing-hugging-holding-touching-caressing, and Sex is maybe once every 6-7 weeks if I am lucky. The only thing he does is go to work and come home to lay in the bed and watch the TV.

  I have explained in detail many times the need for even a hug--and still nothing.

  HOW do I let go?????????

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  Posted by Jeff Fri May 16, 2008 11:04am PDT

  I wrote a blog about character traits several days ago. Did you get the get the idea from me?

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  Posted by Jeff Fri May 16, 2008 11:14am PDT

  Lynn: If you are not married then breaking up someone is alot easier. Best to be honest and talk with the other person face to face. You obivously made a decision to be in the relationship and took steps to do that. It sounds like you have made the decision to break up but havent taken any steps to do so. My ex-wife told me last summer she wanted to seperate. We are now divorced. Yes there was pain and alot of changes. With the being said, I am still greatful for her honesty. I would rather be alone then with someone who does not want to be with me.

  The longer you prolong it, the more painful it will be. Ask yourself this. "Is it more painful to stay in this relationship then it is to break up with him?" I do wish you the best of luck.

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  Posted by xxxx Fri May 16, 2008 1:01pm PDT

  Where did my comments go?

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  Posted by Melis Fri May 16, 2008 1:41pm PDT

  I do not really agree with the entire article. The two warning signs about a lot of looking and relationship length. I laughed at these because my fiancé is prone to looking around. Sometimes is can drive me nuts, especially in a restaurant or even dancing. lol

  I have narrowed it down to insecurity.

  When he is feeling insecure this is when it happens--not that he has wandering eyes for other woman. He doesn't.

  Also the other warning about other relationships, my fiancé and I have been together for 6 years and it was the longest for both of us after just a few months. We basically learned and grew well together.

  Of course we both do nasty irritating things we don't like, but like my mother says, it is whether it is so bad you cannot handle it. If not, just ignore it, laugh at it, or get used to it!

  I feel sometimes both men and woman have very unrealistic standards for each other. If we just stop thinking about it and just let it happen, most of the time it is for the best.

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  Posted by CreamiItalian Fri May 16, 2008 2:17pm PDT

  I WASTED * YEARS WITH A GUY WHO WAS WRONG AND DIDN"T WANT TO COMMIT... I have been woth another guy for almost 2 YEARS and I AM HIS LONGESTTTTTTT REALTIONSHIP!! he's says I'm the one but knowing he's NEVER gone past that INFAMOUS 6 month mark... MAKES ME NERVOUS!!! I'm afraid if we DO get married he WILL get bored, what's a girl to do?? WE are both 34 and are professionals.

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