I think we can all admit that "forever" is a scary word. Even the quickest of decision makers may cringe at the thought of a choice that will last a lifetime. But in our world of double standards, it's usually the guys who are getting pegged with the "commitment-phobe" label. You can picture them now: classic bachelors, terrified of settling down and being locked into a death trap (aka relationship).
But let's face it ladies, guys aren't the only ones prone to commitment issues. We feel terrified of the future from time to time too. And while feelings of fear are normal to an extent when a relationship turns serious, there's a fine line between having the fear of forever and being a full-blown commitment-phobe. Here are some tell-tale signs that you could be avoiding true love forever. (See, it's not so scary to say!) Read on to evaluate whether you may be struggling a little bit of commitment anxiety yourself.
You're a serial short-term dater:
The most obvious sign is simple--as soon as things start to get serious, you bolt for the door. Maybe you've disguised yourself as the relationship type because you've always had a boyfriend, but in reality you can't make it past the six-month mark because you're scared of what's to come. Take a look at your past relationships and examine whether this sounds like you. If you think you may have given up a good thing too soon, it may have been because you were fearful of taking that next step with your significant other.
What kind of girlfriend are you??
You have a history of dating the wrong people:
People with commitment issues often go after types that they know are wrong for them. This eliminates any chance that the relationship could last indefinitely, making them feel safer in a backwards sort of way. Maybe you're a serial long-distance dater, or always go for the bad boy. Ask your friends to honestly tell you what they think of your past choices in men, and their answer may provide some insight into how you deal with relationships.
You struggle with reciprocation:
Maybe you're getting to the point in your relationship where your guy's barriers have broken down. He's showering you with affection, constantly expressing how much you mean to him, and all that other mushy stuff. The only problem is, you can't seem to make these same sentiments come from your mouth. You might even be turned off by your man every time he whips out roses or gives you a sentimental card. If this is the case, you may need to consider whether you're with the right guy, or whether you're just fearful of committing.
You can't let go of your singledom:
Just like all those 40-year-old bachelors out there, you can't fathom the idea of one sexual partner for life. And giving up your crazy girls' nights out? No way! But the key to getting over this scary thought is to alter your mindset. After all, a man who loves you unconditionally would never want you to give up your spa retreats with the girls--not even the occasional girls' night out at the bar, that is, as long as you don't bring someone else home. Tell yourself that by committing to your man, you're not giving up anything completely, only making small adjustments.
Where are all the hot men hiding? We have the answers!
You fear that he will betray you:
This may be an unnecessary fear, or it could be warranted by your experience in a past relationship. Either way, fearing that your loved one is going to cheat on you or leave you when you least expect it is a common fear that we all have to some degree or another. The problem is, if you let this thought run wild, it will poison all of your relationships with trust issues and jealousy. If you can empathize, it might be helpful to talk out past issues with a therapist, or communicate honestly with your partner about your fears. Trust is one of the most important foundations of a solid relationship, so make sure you have this mastered.
You care more about your own interests than him:
While it's great to have your own hobbies and interests independent of your man, constantly pushing your guy aside in order to do what you want crosses the line from independence to selfishness. You need to strike a balance so that he feels included in your life while not feeling suffocated by your presence. If you're busy with grad school, that's one thing, but if you can't give up one night of Gossip Girl to hang with your guy, then you probably have issues. After all, if you're not willing to share anything of the things you love with the one you love things aren't looking up for the relationship.
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