Love + Sex

Monday, November 30, 2009

Bad Boys: Why they make us feel so good

By Erin Clements

Public Enemies, Michael Mann’s much-anticipated summer blockbuster, romanticizes the storied exploits of notorious Depression-era gangster John Dillinger (Johnny Depp)—including his courtship with loyal paramour Billie Frechette (Marion Cotillard). Ask any member of the female persuasion and it’s not hard to figure out what turned Frechette into Dillinger’s gun moll: The brazen bank robber possessed qualities often considered attractive—a cocky swagger, a disregard for authority. And though none of our beaux has ever held up the local Chase, many women today still find men with an appetite for danger—or at the very least, a little old-fashioned bravado (remember when we secretly applauded the punk from elementary school who sassed back the teacher?)—rather alluring.

According to Dr. Theresa Rose, a psychologist who specializes in relationships, women are drawn to “bad boys” because—much like romance itself—they represent something fresh and different. “It strikes a chord with people when there’s something new and exciting and dangerous,” she says. “And while somebody on the outside looking in might say, ‘Why is she with that guy? He’s bad news,’ it does typically meet a psychological need,” one that she says often resonates with something in the subject’s past.

Dr. Thomas Miller, a health-and-behavioral psychologist, agrees that the proclivity for “bad boys” often stems from childhood experiences. “I worked for 17 years in a family violence clinic, and I saw a lot of children who experienced verbal, emotional, and physical abuse from fathers, brothers, stepfathers, and neighbors.” Daddy issues aside, Miller cites other developmental factors, including hormonal desires for one-stop sex that emerge in adolescence and a fear of failure (settling for Mr. Wrong may take considerably less effort than landing Mr. Right).

While the challenge of attaining a good guy can be daunting, the intimacy associated with a long-term relationship can be far scarier for some. “Girls who go for bad boys tend to avoid deep emotion,” says Peter Jonason, a researcher at New Mexico State University. “They shy away from stable guys and are drawn to the more wild-card guys because it allows them to keep themselves at an emotional distance.”

Jonason’s primary focus, however, is on male mating tendencies. Last summer, he studied the effects of the “dark triad”—narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy—on 200 college students and discovered that men who possessed these traits were more predisposed to seeking casual sexual partners. So, what does that say about the women they lure? “We suspect the issue is that they advertise good genes,” Jonason says. “These are dominant men with mucho testosterone, and women are drawn to that type of guy, especially for short-term mating.”

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 38
  • Crystal's Avatar
    Posted by Crystal Mon Jul 6, 2009 8:44am PDT

    i love bad boys<3

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  • princess's Avatar
    Posted by princess Mon Jul 6, 2009 3:56pm PDT

    me too! Always have! Unfortunately they make the worst husbands/bf's. Flings - great! Anything esle - run!!!! :)

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  • KittyKat's Avatar
    Posted by KittyKat Mon Jul 6, 2009 6:41pm PDT

    I wish that was a question that could be easily answered but its not. But I think for now princess gave the best answer.

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  • TJ S's Avatar
    Posted by TJ S Tue Jul 7, 2009 6:19am PDT

    Haha, too funny. Yeah, they make you feel great!!!....that is, until they abuse, use and cheat on you. Then you blame all men for what they've done and have a warped self-esteem that causes you to see good men as boring or weak because they're not acting like asses! Take it from a former bad boy, not what you want. I grew up, matured and went on with the goals and dreams I have for myself and voila! Bad boy no more.

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  • vincent's Avatar
    Posted by vincent Tue Jul 7, 2009 6:31am PDT

    Tj is correct bab boys show deceptive carin, while they need ur underneath.

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  • Mysterious Gryphon's Avatar
    Posted by Mysterious Gryphon Tue Jul 7, 2009 6:33am PDT

    I think that one thing this article misses about Depp's portrayal of Dillinger is that he puts Billie at the top of his list. He makes her feel protected and safe and as if she is the MOST important part of his life. Even more important that the law.

    And that, in my opinion, is extremely powerful. If a man told me I was the single most important thing in his life and then backed it up with his actions like Dillinger in the film, I'd go to jail to protect him, too.

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  • tinext's Avatar
    Posted by tinext Tue Jul 7, 2009 6:57am PDT

    let me tork abult the bad boys,they make we woman fill so good becuse they no there not reel? the preted too much they can go as far to woshe ur pent to get ur heart becus the will not want u to understand there game,they will always show fake love. tey like free things.

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  • tinext's Avatar
    Posted by tinext Tue Jul 7, 2009 7:05am PDT

    yes married men shuld have but not to take them to bed

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  • another hockey fan's Avatar
    Posted by another hockey fan Tue Jul 7, 2009 7:31am PDT

    I've always been attracted to bad boys, but the part about keeping them at an emotional distance doesn't apply to me. I really fell hard for these guys, but it was them keeping ME at an emotional distance that hurt me. For me, that makes more sense because my father was emotionally distant with us kids. I do agree however in not being ready in my youth for anything long term (due to my immaturity and inability to grasp what a commitment entailed). Anyhow, I am older now, wiser, mature, etc and married an ex bad boy, who is everything I want and more.

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  • Caroline's Avatar
    Posted by Caroline Tue Jul 7, 2009 7:54am PDT

    I love a bad boy. Everything about one. Their confidence, the way they treat you when you are with them, and the fact that they are not clingy. You posess something that they want. Unfortunately, don't try to get this person to settle down. If you need security and boring homelife, get a stable good man later. Definately get the bad boy thing out of your system first and then reflect upon it forever. Its great.

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Comments 1-10 of 38

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