It's true that I love to
flirt! I flirt with men, women, children, dogs, and anyone
else I usually come into contact with. In fact, it is
difficult for me to pinpoint a time in my life when I haven't
flirted on a regular basis. I flirt because it makes
me feel alive. I flirt because it makes me feel
pretty damn good when I'm doing it, and I flirt to feel
connected to other people.
Some people like to judge me and think it's not "right" for a proper married woman like me to flirt so readily with others. Luckily, I am married to a very wonderful and secure man who enjoys my playful side and doesn't see the harm in my flirty behavior.
People who regularly flirt report having
higher levels of self esteem as well as enjoying a higher
level of overall life satisfaction. Those who flirt well
often get rewarded with little life "perks" like hotel
and flight upgrades, better customer service, job promotions,
and sometimes even free or discounted products.
While not everyone is born with the natural
ability to flirt and do it well, it is a skill that can be
developed. "But I'm shy" you say, and
"I can't handle rejection." 1) It's ok if
you are shy...what is important is that you have the desire and
commitment to change. 2) Everyone has been rejected and you
know what? We all got over it eventually and moved on.
What I suggest to those who are shy is that you
"try on" your new flirty attitude for a few hours a
week. You don't have to be magically transformed,
and please don't expect that it is as simple as switching
on a light. Everyone has there own unique style and way of
flirting! You will begin to feel more comfortable with your
style the more often you put yourself out there and just do
it.
For those of you who are ready to begin a new way of life, I have included some useful information and tips on flirting and body language.
Non Verbal Body
Language Accounts for the Majority of
Communication
Research shows that somewhere between 65%
and 90% of communication is through non verbal body language.
Some research suggests that we signal around 12 things silently for
every verbal message delivered. Most signs of flirting are
made unconsciously and are difficult to control. Body
language is a mode of acting out what a person has in mind.
Fake It Till You Make It
It’s really incredibly simple—happy people smile & angry or depressed people frown. Your mind can be “tricked” by your own body language. Walk tall and smile and your self esteem will soar. Try it for yourself, even if you are shy. Act confident: stand up tall, look people in the eye. Don’t be surprised if you are included more in the conversation. After all, confident people get asked more for their opinions.
Signs of Flirting In Men
When they are flirting, men often try to make themselves appear taller, bigger or stronger then they are. They stretch, flex their muscles, suck in their gut, and/or puff out their chest. Men also adopt a “readiness” stance by standing with their legs about shoulder width apart, putting their hands on their hips, or locking their thumbs in their belt loop. He may also slightly flare his nostrils to make his face appear wider. Now I'm not saying that this is an attractive look for most people...just remember that many of these signals are done unconsciously. Watch for it...men also preen. Adjusting their collars or sleeves or smoothing their hair are all signs of common flirting gestures.
Signs of Flirting in Women
Unlike when men flirt, women often try to make themselves appear smaller. She might turn slightly to the side and expose her neck to you, or she will play with her hair, regardless of it's length, (tossing it from side to side) thereby exposing the skin of her neck. Look for her showing you the thin skin of her wrists. This gesture goes back to the Victorian era when women's bodies were almost fully covered by clothing. It can also often be missed, but she is letting you know “I want to show you more!” Women also love to play or toy with their accessories. Look for a woman touching her necklace or earrings much like a man will play or adjust his tie.
Founded in 2009, Catherine Coaches is a unique consulting service offering workshops, dating coach services, and sex coaching services to help individuals living in Silicon Valley and San Francisco have a red-hot love life. Catherine has been conducting sex positive workshops through Good Vibrations and BAY Positives since 2002. She worked as the Program Director for the world's first peer based non-profit serving HIV positive youth from 2002 to 2008, and is uniquely tuned into the nuances of the San Francisco LBGTQIQ community. Find Catherine Coaches on Twitter, Meetup, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Typepad.
