There was something about working late at a bar one night and having a few drinks after work. Normally, I go home, but this time I ended up following a nice woman home who had had a few herself. We had met a few times in the candlelit bar, and always seemed to just miss each other in the sparks category. This time, there seemed to be just the right combination of interest and flirtation that brought us to a "your place or mine?" level. She was wearing a tight black dress that showed off some very edible curves, and I was only too happy (she was more than pleased to reciprocate) to explore further.
Fast forward an hour later--
Setting: Her apartment.
Half watched movie: Napoleon Dynamite.
Light: While dim, still quite a bit brighter than a dark bar.
It wasn’t until we got to the ‘shedding layers’ part that made me realize, “Uh oh. I REALLY shouldn’t have done this.” As I watched, we removed bra, panties, dress, and "super body shaper spandex support" bathing suit thingy. Everything fell 6 inches once the support attire was released. The well preserved, sexy, demure woman who was nibbling my neck at the bar suddenly was, I hate to say it, the blob.
I went from being sex god gonna-rock-you-all-night...to Floppy, the forgotten 8th dwarf. I completely sobered up. The night ended with some awkward fooling around and both of us a little less than satisfied.
Now, I don't have a problem with women wearing clothing that makes one feel sexy, but if there is possible intent at a more...uh...intimate encounter, why invest in the element of unpleasant surprise, as opposed to a few sessions with the Pilates instructor?
Using clothes like that in order to 'get lucky' seems like the male equivalent of stuffing a sock down one's pants. It's all great until the moment of truth.
Body shaper support attire = not for dating? (please, dear god)
- by , on Mon Jun 23, 2008 9:48pm PDT
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Posted by Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:09pm PDT
Report AbuseYou're just asking to get yelled at by a bunch of angry girls, aren't you? Blob seems a little harsh, but what do I know? Sounds like it was a rough night...hehe
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Posted by Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:36pm PDT
Report AbuseThat was hilarious. I used to make if a point (back in my bar hopping/drinking/fooling around days) to NEVER try to pick up a guy while wearing one of those. First off, they can be freaking hard to take off. Very difficult for a smoooth transition to getting sexy. Worse they can leave some dents and divots in your body. Chafing- need I say more? Yes, they hold you in quite well. Yes they make your outside clothes look sleek. But no no no to the "I tricked you with my body to come back home just disregard that the pressure has blown this tire to bits" method of getting a guy to take you home.
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Posted by Sun Jun 29, 2008 7:59am PDT
Report AbuseFake it to you make it baby....if you have to wear shape wear until you can approve your body I say do it that's what they make it for, it's not to fool a guy into thinking you have a stellar shape. Lighten up a little...Men always want a perfect women but they aren't always perfect if we have to deal with your beer bellies deal with ours. Huh!
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Posted by Sun Jun 29, 2008 10:22am PDT
Report AbuseWell, well, well...............
I am cracking up ! Sounds like you had a real "eye opener"....
Perhaps it's because you SAW her peel out of everything that it was such a turn off....
I mean, are you Adonis or something? Truly great sex begins in the brain, sounds as though you two were a little too "toasted" for it to have been too great an experience anyway.
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Posted by Sun Jun 29, 2008 12:04pm PDT
Report AbuseFUNNY...VERY FUNNY. HATE TO SAY IT BUT YOUR GOT WHAT YOU DESERVE.
IF YOU WASN'T LUSTING AFTER THAT WOMEN MAYBE THINGS WOULD'VE TURNED OUT DIFFERENT. IT'S NOT ALL YOUR FAULT, BABY GIRL SHOULD'VE TAKEN THE BODY SHAPER OFF IN THE BATHROOM. THAT'S A GOLDEN RULE FOR WOMEN. NEVER TAKE OFF YOUR BODY SHAPERS IN FRONT OF A MAN. FUNNY....VERY FUNNY. I BET NEXT TIME YOU WONT PICK UP A WOMEN IN A CANDELIT ROOM AGAIN.
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Posted by Tue Jul 1, 2008 10:02am PDT
Report AbuseI agree you got what was coming! Welcome to the real world of mature women. If it wasn't for all the plastic surgery I have had my body would look the same, but money and exercise keep it looking young!
You should have enjoyed your time with a real woman, she may have taught you something and given you the ride of your life!
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Posted by Thu Jul 3, 2008 8:28am PDT
Report AbuseI wear "body shapers" a lot because they perfect the shape that I work hard at in the gym. My partner knows that I wear them, and he wants me to feel completely confident when I'm out on the town.
He also loves my body just the way it is - a couple extra pounds, a little belly ... and he'd rather just have me get naked as soon as I walk in the door (and I usually do). But that's the difference between a real commitment and a single night of lust.
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Posted by Tue Jul 29, 2008 4:13pm PDT
Report AbuseI would never, EVER, one of those to try and pick somebody up in (or for a first anticipated sexual encounter) for specifically the reasons you described. Try to be sexy and take one of those things off. You can't. And a push up bra - ! You take that off and it makes everything look worse than it would normally because you see everything disappear. For the ladies - imagine if the tables were turned and that hot guy you went home with took off to reveal a girdle-covered gut ala William Shatner in the last years of Star Trek? Or a plastic penis in his pants?
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Posted by Sat Aug 2, 2008 11:35pm PDT
Report AbuseThat's hilarious! Why would you watch Napolean Dynamite before trying to get lucky? Nothing puts me in the mood more than Napolean Dynamite! LOL!
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