Love + Sex

Don't you hate how the past is always haunting you, i mean having horrible nightmares or just even the thought of it. yeah well that's me and i have to let this all out NOW !
well heres my story..
        well my boyfriend and i have been going out for like 2 years now and right now everything is totally perfect, i have a 4 month daughter and the greatest boyfriend ever. He's totally the right one for me ! But it haunts me how when i look back of all the bad things he used to do. It just makes me think. Before when i met him it was awesome i mean we had everything in common it was just great till when we went to school it seemed like all the girls wouldn't stop talking to him. Yes iam the jealous type and i'm insecure but i mean who cares that's just how iam, i don't want to see myself get hurt. Anyways, the way i saw him when we started going out, i saw him as this quiet shy guy. But it was different when we were at school. People would talk about him to me and such and i would be like what are you talking about ? I hated how this one girl always talked to him and she would walk with him to class, and in between periods we would meet up and talk for a sec, and this girl would just stand right next to him and wait. And i would ask her "why are you here waiting?" and she'll just be like "ugh whatever" and for awhile its been like that, till finally i would tell my boyfriend i didnt like her and why is she always just standing there waiting? At first i didn't really care i was just wondering why ? And so i found out that he started to talk to her like at school and on the phone. And it made me began to hate her more. Sooner or later it created this whole drama and made me very upset. Everyone would tell me things that i didn't want to hear, i would hear "oh i thought they were like best friends" or "yeah i heard they hungout yesterday" and i had no idea. This totally broke me. I mean how could this go from happy and him loving me to him not telling me anything and hiding things ? From there, things got so bad !
i found out that every year they would have a class together and he didn't tell me, i mean i asked him like once or twice if he had a class with her and he lied of course and said NO. Later on i found out that she liked him and was trying to lead him on, and i thought i would never hear the words, "they liked each other" and i wasn't sure if it was true ? As time went on everything has just got so much worse. i couldn't believe it ! Well over summer i got pregnant and to me made it seem so much harder on me because he wasn't comforting me when i need him or wasn't there period. And i became depressed like literally depressed i would cry my eyes out. I mean i cared about him so much and we have so much in common and it made me feel like he was the one for me and i don't want to lose someone like that, and i really wanted to be with him. So i would cry and cry and i prayed to GOD that everything would changed. So as things were horrible he dumped me at one point and would tell me that he doesn't want to be with me and that he would breakup with me and then maybe he'll come back and to me that wasn't right. Why would you tell me your going to dump me and then maybe come back. I remember that he told me that he was embarrassed to be around me or even be with me because i was pregnant, he would constantly lie and hide things behind my back. He would swear to GOD and put everything on me and make promises that he would don't do anything but yet did he keep them? NO of course not. And that really broke me in pieces. I couldn't believe he would just break them.
I mean your probably wondering why i don't just break up with him ? but the reason, i can't. i just love him to much i mean we've been through alot i mean we lasted longer than probably anybody at school. But i just couldn't believe this was happening to me. As time went on, this girl just wouldn't stop and leave my boyfriend alone and also me. It seemed to me like she was jealous of me that she doesn't have what i have a boyfriend that actually loves me. Yeah she had a boyfriend but they eventually broke up i don't know the details but they broke up is all i know and the whole school knows that she likes to flirt wheather or not they had a girlfriend she gets around. 
           After having a long talk with my boyfriend and me having to explain to him that we are having a baby and that he needs to step up and stop playing games and start being mature and have some responsibility cause i'm tired of everything and i told him, if this keeps continuing and you keep talking to her i swear that he isn't going to see me and my daughter ever again and we will be gone forever, i mean seriously would you want to have some girl who leads guys on and flirts with guys and you thinking oh she likes me but yet she doesn't and she's talking to like all different kinds of guys then what ?! but i made him realize what he can lose forever and finally after months and months of crying and praying it paid off. "HE CHANGED FOR THE BETTER" he stepped up and wanted to be a father and boyfriend. i was so happy and he was happy that he was having a baby girl. so my boyfriend got the point and from there he didn't want to talk to her no more and didn't even want to be friends with her cause he knew she was just going to make things even worse.
But then for us things did get worse that same girl didn't seem to want to leave us alone or at least me. People would tell me things that she would talk about me behind my back saying things about me and even to my boyfriend (but of course he ignored her), she would just say i'm stupid, i'm insecure and i'm a pysco b**** and mean typical things you get the picture. She would also tell her friends and they would all hate me and whatever but i mean what are they going to do, nothing. But the thing that pushed me that most was that before my daughter was even born she would say "yeah your daughter will probably end up pysco like you and she'll probalby will come out ugly like you and your boyfriend" i just about had it with her. And of course she would go on and on and on random days she would just text me saying things like, "your just mad that your boyfriend was going to dump you for me" and blah blah and seriously it pushed me even more. I wanted to be done with her forever. So i of course told her off and i thought hey if she's going to say mean things to me of course i'm going to say things back so i did and i ignored her. And for awhile it stopped. And I mean me and my boyfriend had our beautiful daughter and it was really the happiest day ever.
               Just when i thought that everything was well it wasn't. She started telling everyone about what was happenening between us like our whole fight thing. She start texting me again saying "i could beat you up anyday, just tell me where and when i'm ready" and seriously i would be like your wasting my time i have a baby to take care of why would i ? i mean yeah i wanted to beat her up but my boyfriend would just tell me "don't because it would make a bad influence on our daughter" but really i was tired of her. so i ignored her. When the school year was soon to be over, one random day i got a visitor at school, it was a cop and he was there to give me a piece of paper which was a restaining order and guess who it was from yes, her. She told the police that she wanted a restaining order against me because she said that i said i want to beat her up. which was not true she was lying the entire time. And it pissed me off. My boyfriend thought it was the most stupidest thing ever and so did all my friends i told. So i had to go to court, i had support from my friend, her boyfriend and her daughter along with my boyfriend and my daughter. so i was soo nervous i mean i never been to court or anything i didn't know what do or anything. When that day came, i saw her and i was thinking in my mind like i just want to beat her up and throw her away. So when it was our turn i didn't say anything really i just sat there and she was bringing up all this evidence that i said this and that, and it was stupid. I wrote on my response i had to do that "this was just highschool girl on girl drama that was just taken to a uneccessary level" and of course the judge agreeed and i won. she was pissed you can tell. so from then on she didn't bother me or my boyfriend again.
                 Today, i couldn't be any happier. My boyfriend and I are doing so great, its just so wonderful, he's happy, i'm happy. hes a daddy and he gets to spend time with me and our daughter. Like we seriously act like we're married and its just great. Everything is just so perfect and the way that i wanted it to be. Its like now i trust him because we always talk and he would tell me that he wouldn't want to hurt me or lose me because we have our family and he doesn't want to lose that. And it makes me happy that he would tell me how he feels and what he's doing, i know that he wouldn't do anything. but iam insecure and so is he so we're like the same. But once in a while you have to check up on him.

But sometimes i have nightmares that he still talks to her behind my back, or something. i'm just afraid that he's going to hurt me again. And since next year i'm going back to the same school as him cause before i wasn't, i just don't want things to go back bad and start all over again. And i always think. Sometimes i have these feelings and my boyfriend will tell me that its just me thinking about it, but really my feelings are always right i don't know how or why they just are. But my boyfriend always tells me that its all in the past and is over with done and we should thinking about now and how happy we are and start looking ahead and whats going to happen in the future. and yeah i guess he is right but its like,
WHY DO I KEEP THINKING ABOUT IT?! and having nightmares and just always thinking about it?
if anyone has any sugguestions or comments let me know please.