Love + Sex

Friday, December 4, 2009

College confessional: Do you suffer from "couple's stamina"?

kristine.jpg
This week, our intern Kristine deGuzman, a junior at UC Berkeley -- pictured above with her boyf -- bemoans the effects a significant other can have on one's quality college partying.

I frat-hopped every weekend of my freshman year. Once Friday rolled around, I would whip out my knee-high, lace-up, black leather boots (that were completely impractical any other day of the week) and strut my way in and out of various fraternity houses. I would drink, dance with random guys, go home, and then do it all over again on Saturday. In fact, my dorm floor pretty much knew it was the weekend if I was wearing my knee-high, lace-up, black leather boots. It was a predictable routine, but oh, how I enjoyed it. (Attention party animals: Some health news for you)

That is until I got a boyfriend and we fell victim to the phenomenon known as "couple's stamina."

I was first introduced to the term during an episode of How I Met Your Mother. It refers to how couples drastically differ from single people at parties. You can always tell who's single at a soiree they drink like it's an Olympic sport, mingle like the Ebola virus, and dance like they're on MTV's Spring Break coverage. Couples, on the other hand, arrive at a party and immediately look for somewhere to sit. They relax for a while, talk mostly to each other or other couples, yawn occasionally, and then leave the party pretty early to go home and watch TV, have sex and/or sleep. Thus the term "couple's stamina."

I'm ashamed to say my boyfriend and I suffer from couple's stamina...bad. We still go to frat parties and apartment kickbacks with our friends in an attempt to prove we're still fun and interesting, but we never make it past midnight, just when most people are showing up and the keg stands get into full gear. After about an hour or so, we'll decide to go home and spend the rest of the night cuddling. Seriously. We leave parties so we can cuddle.

The Ten Commandments of Campus Sex

We've tried not to let our social (read: partying) skills atrophy. We even concocted an elaborate plan to go frat-hopping separately, get our drink on with our own sets of friends, then "find" each other at the end of the night and hook up as if we had just met for the first time--not only to get us back in the game, but also to make kissing each other feel new and naughty again. Alas, we've never been able to completely follow through: before the night even begins we'll look at each other and say, "Oh, nevermind. Let's just stay home and cuddle."

Role-playing is hard, especially without costumes. Maybe I should dig out my knee-high, lace-up, black leather boots again.

Related:Do You Role-Play in the Bedroom?

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Comments 1-10 of 14
  • Leah W's Avatar
    Posted by Leah W Thu Sep 18, 2008 12:40pm PDT

    Honey I hate to tell you this but it isn't "couple's stamina" you are suffering from. It's called getting older. You can't party hop forever and eventually all that partying loses it's appeal (sad I know). That's not to say you can no longer have fun. The fun you have now is just different from the fun you had in the beginning years of college.

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  • Mysterious Gryphon's Avatar
    Posted by Mysterious Gryphon Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:01pm PDT

    I have experinced this, as well. My problem is that since I spend so many weekends visiting my boyfriend or with him visiting me (we're long-distance), it's hard to make new friends or keep a really strong social schedule going.

    But when we do go to parties, it's with one group of friends or the other; we really don't have any in common, per se. So if we're playing poker with his guys (and their girls), I'm bored and just want to go home and snuggle. If it's drinks with my girls (and their boys), he's ready to go home after two.

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  • siemprelisto10's Avatar
    Posted by siemprelisto10 Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:07pm PDT

    i agree with leah's comment. my gf and i still go out and do the whole party scene, but while its fun, its also kinda old. you mentioned you went to uc berkeley, well i graduated from UCSB and along with that comes all the fun Isla Vista has to offer, but i'm quite over that; not because i'm no fun or a party pooper, but like you, i just rather go home and cuddle. lastly, it just may be because you are in a relationship that you feel that way, but i'm sure that if that didn't work out, you'd be right back out there doing the same ol thing.

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  • Fifi's Avatar
    Posted by Fifi Thu Sep 18, 2008 2:19pm PDT

    What's the problem? I so-called "suffer" from "couple's stamina" and I'm loving every minute of it... I have never been one for parties, and my boyfriend [whose six years my senior and has been out of college for years] has already gotten that out of his system.

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  • hehehe's Avatar
    Posted by hehehe Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:26am PDT

    Man i hope i never go thru that. i am gonna get into college next yr then transfer to a State U n i just think of the fun and i have a bf and he's told me that if im sure i wanna be in a relationsjhip or i'd rather do the whole college party scene n im like damn if i wanna party U can come with me since he's my Party Patnah too, we love to party n then like 4-5 am go back n chill u know bt i just thik that i dont want it to get old!! =( i love partyin!!

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  • Amanda L.'s Avatar
    Posted by Amanda L. Fri Sep 19, 2008 5:15am PDT

    Hey! Wow, I have to ask- Are you two Greek? Or more importantly, is he in a frat? I just graduated from college and I have to say- you sound like me, years ago. However, I guess it really depends on your priorities. Would you rather cuddle or party? Do you not cuddle enough on the weekdays? I used to party hop and get crazy but when I got a boyfriend, it didnt stop. He was the one holding me up to do the keg stand and I was the one filling his beer bong. lol. We used to get crazy. It helped too that he was in a frat and understood, plus his house was THE party house. And we would do all our 'couples' stuff on the weekdays. Times have changed though but that way of life didnt stop till well into my senior year. Maybe it just depends when and how your priorities change? You will find balance once again.

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  • Beth's Avatar
    Posted by Beth Fri Sep 19, 2008 6:48am PDT

    She's not really just talking about partying, she's talking about socializing in general. When you get into a new relationship and sometimes for the first few years your world ends up revolving around your partner. Friends end up being cut off and you no longer do the hobbies you used to love doing. You opt for staying in to cuddle instead. I suffered through it as well, and even though it's still there a little tiny bit after 9 years my boyfriend and I are finally getting back into the routine of life outside of the relationship. I joined a theater group, he joined karate. As unfgirl said, you will find a balance again.

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  • Run_AroundMusic's Avatar
    Posted by Run_AroundMusic Fri Sep 19, 2008 8:31am PDT

    Isn't part of the reason people go to parties is to find someone, so they can choose whether or not they want to endure the party scene every weekend?

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  • Mr.D's Avatar
    Posted by Mr.D Fri Sep 19, 2008 8:31am PDT

    i'm lucky enough that the guy i'm with now can't help but socialize haha. He'd love to just sit on the couch with me but there's always someone walking in the front door of the party who's known him since Gymboree.which is awesome because then i dont feel awkward talking to them. i'm very shy, but having a friend or boyfriend to bounce my energy off of makes me social and astonishingly witty haha. I would die in a relationship like the one you say you have. Its very sweet and admitedly enviable, but i need my own space.

    -d

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  • Richie C's Avatar
    Posted by Richie C Fri Sep 19, 2008 10:28am PDT

    Single people just act differently than people in relationships. I could write a 3-page post on this but *yawn* naahhhh, I'm just going to go snuggle with my girl.

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