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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Confessions of a Wedding Planner: 5 Signs a Couple Will Crash and Burn

Cosmo's Wedding Blowout

Cosmo's Wedding Blowout

After witnessing 50 to 80 weddings per year (and being exposed to behaviors that a couple doesn't always reveal to others), a wedding planner has identified some signs that scream "Red flag!" Here, she spills the predictors of whether a couple will live happily ever after or bite the dust.

1. The Bride Refuses to Let the Groom Choose the Cake

"Brides are almost always more interested in the minutiae of wedding planning than grooms are. But when I encounter a woman who refuses to relinquish any control to her fiancé, it doesn't bode well. I can think of a few instances in which the woman ruled the event with an iron fist and the couple ended up in divorce court a few years later. Basically, they weren't able to make decisions together."

Want the flip side to each of these signs? Read the complete article on Cosmo's official website.

2. The Groom Lets His Mom Call the Shots

"Most of my brides involve their moms in the planning process, and why wouldn't they? It's like having a second planner for free. But sometimes, grooms' mothers try to muscle in too, which is something I'll never understand. Not only is it inappropriate, but it's up to her son to tell her that."

3. The Bride Blows Half the Budget on Her Dress

"Weddings are pricier than ever, and money-related issues can cause a lot of undue tension. So when a bride goes behind her groom's back and splurges on a big-name dress or expensive flower arrangements, I start to get nervous. It's a huge sign that she doesn't respect him and refuses to compromise...and trust me, those tendencies don't disappear after she walks down the aisle. I have worked with tons of couples who fought viciously over the wedding budget and learned later that many of them continued to argue and eventually split."

4. The Bride Freaks Over the Groom's Bachelor Party

"I've seen some women wig out about the possibility of her guy having a boys' night at a strip club. One client of mine even threatened to leave her fiancé if he had a bachelor party. But my motto is: If you can't trust him, why the hell are you walking down the aisle?!"

Wondering how wild typical prewedding bashes can get? Read Cosmo's Confessions of a Bachelor Party Stripper.

5. The Bride and Groom Fight in Front of Me

"No matter how in love two people may be, planning a ceremony and reception is overwhelming and will no doubt cause a few tiffs. But warning bells immediately start ringing for me if the couple gets really heated with each other in my presence. Arguments are private, and dragging me into them shows that there is a lack of respect for each other and for their bond."

More from Cosmopolitan.com:

5 Signs He's About to Propose

Hints that your boyfriend is about to put a ring on it


Add Oomph to Newlywed Nooky

How to have the best sex of your life on the best day of your life


Quiz: Are You Really Ready to Get Married?

Or are you actually in zero rush?


Will He Ever Marry You?

An expert reveals the tipping point...


When Everyone's Getting Married and You're Still Single

5 tips for dealing with this emotional rollercoaster

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.  

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From the Community…

Comments 11-20 of 606
  • lonely girl's Avatar
    Posted by lonely girl Tue Jun 23, 2009 4:42am PDT

    IM IN LOVE WITH THE BEST MAN IN THE WORLD... HES JUST LIKE MY DAD BUT HES MY MAN..

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  • InLove's Avatar
    Posted by InLove Tue Jun 23, 2009 6:25am PDT

    My wedding was immediate family in a cabin in the woods with a preacher sent by at wedding service. Yes, my dress was $500 and cost more than anything except renting the cabin we got married and had our honeymoon in, but keeping it low-key meant that we had no fights and fewer things to worry about. More importantly, I would have liked a little more people there because I have a huge extended family I am very close to, but my now husband wanted to elope. We compromised by inviting our parents and siblings only. Overall, my wedding cost about $1000 dollars and was perfect!

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  • Beth's Avatar
    Posted by Beth Tue Jun 23, 2009 8:12am PDT

    Yeah, to the chick whose fiance went to the Mustang Ranch....bad choice of guy, love. Hope you do better the next time around. And it's not true that drunk or egged on common sense or guilt go out the window. I'd bet you dollars to doughnuts you'd have ended up in divorce court over some cheating issue with that one. Be more careful next time.

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  • Leah's Avatar
    Posted by Leah Tue Jun 23, 2009 9:11am PDT

    Big White Wedding are bunch of nonsense. It's basically a girls "Princess for a day" party! A lot of stress at a time when you really don't need more, just for some picture perfect ideal that was basically created by the wedding industry.

    We got married in my husbands parents back yard. I paid $15 for a regular dress. It was blue, my favorite color. The pastors wife provided the cake for free and we had just close friends and family. No bachelors party because my husband didn't want one. We planned everything together...not that there was that much to plan, lol.

    This August is our 10th anniversary.

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  • Miss  B's Avatar
    Posted by Miss B Tue Jun 23, 2009 9:44am PDT

    Majorly disagree about the fighting in front of you thing. I think couples who hide their feelings are more of an issue. Also I do not think any of these things means you won't have a good marriage, its all crap.

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  • flame-n-heather's Avatar
    Posted by flame-n-heather Tue Jun 23, 2009 11:35am PDT

    Whew!! Hubby and I passed on all of these! :)

    Report Abuse
  • Shawn S's Avatar
    Posted by Shawn S Tue Jun 23, 2009 1:33pm PDT

    Hey Sweet Thang You Kno Who Talkin 2 You Cosmopolitan.com

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  • another hockey fan's Avatar
    Posted by another hockey fan Tue Jun 23, 2009 1:39pm PDT

    BETH H: My ex was not a "bad choice" because he was a very trustworthy guy, even though he did go to the Mustang Ranch. My point was that just because a guy is totally upstanding etc doesn't mean it isn't possible for all that to go out the door when he has some hooker's you know what in his face and too drunk to care. Aside from that it's a respectful thing to your future wife and/or husband to NOT put yourself in a place or position where only bad could come from it.

    PS I did A LOT better the second time and we are both older and wiser. Thanks for your post!

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  • who me?'s Avatar
    Posted by who me? Tue Jun 23, 2009 4:31pm PDT

    The most beautiful weddings are simple and elegant. Lots of money poured into a tacky wedding doesn't make it less tacky!

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  • Grits's Avatar
    Posted by Grits Tue Jun 23, 2009 5:41pm PDT

    You are WRONG, WRONG, WRONG about not letting the groom's mother help with the planning. She is my fiance's mother and will be my mother-in-law. She raised the greatest guy on earth so why would I want to exclude her? His parents are helping pay for the wedding so they should have some say in the planning. The girls that think their mother is the only one who matters will be headed for divorce. BOTH sets of parents are important to a healthy marriage. I learned that from interviewing couples that have been married 20+ years. When we have children both sets of grandparents will be included in activities.

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