CONFUSED AND NOT SURE WHAT TO DO!!!!!

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  Posted by urassismine2 Sun Mar 15, 2009 9:37am PDT

  Easy. Ask to look at his wallet, the pictures in them, a visit to his address, kids(your future financial liability-child support), a police check.Protect yourself, not his feelings because your life and future, is on the line. Don't mess up your happiness for an internet date.

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  Posted by urassismine2 Sun Mar 15, 2009 9:52am PDT

  You know, women always blame the guy for his behavior towards her, but have a problem fessing up to what they should have done for themselves during the binterview process, because she wanted the sex without doing her homework. cRemember, from a time stand point, you just met this guy, right?I've got daughters, so I get it.

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  Posted by Terry Marsh Sun Mar 15, 2009 9:53am PDT

  No Love

  First, you've gotta change that name... How about More Love, or New Love?

  Anyway, if the two of your are just getting to know each other, then just give it time. Since you're already committed to not having sex with him (good idea), there's no need to rush anything. As you get to know him better, ask questions. If he's sincere, then he won't mind that you're protecting yourself. Don't bombard him with questions like they're coming from a machine gun, because that'll only drive him away, but there's nothing wrong with a few probing questions on every phone call.

  Ask things like:

  -When will your divorce be finalized?

  -Does your divorce give you a bad feeling about marriage?

  -What are your goals for the next year, three years, and five years?

  Also, make sure he's not still living with his soon to be divorce wife. Since he's already visited your home, suggest visiting his. Try calling him at different times of the day, and see whether his voice changes or he rushes you off of the phone. Does he call you when he says he will? Is he available to take your call anytime during non-work hours?

  It'll take a little while for you to get a firm picture of his lifestyle, and his honesty. Don't close the door to the possibilities, but also, do not close your eyes to the truth. If there is anything about his life that you're curious about, then ask him.

  But a word to the wise... Most men are not looking for a serious relationship after going through a divorce, so I'll repeat... Take it slow! If he's serious about wanting to get to know you better, then he'll be patient. If he tries rushing you into anything (SEX), then beware! He may be looking for a casual booty call.

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  Posted by another hockey fan Sun Mar 15, 2009 9:57am PDT

  You don't. I met my husband online and we lived in different states. All you can do is wait and see...however, in your case your guy is still married. That's a HUGE red flag. Tell him you would love to continue to see him but that you need legal proof he is divorcing his wife. Either that, or wait until the divorce is final but that would require you waiting to have sex with him too. If he has issues with that, then I guess you have your answer. He's trying to hide something. But even if that is all true, do you want to start something with somebody who is going through the pain of divorce?

  I think the best thing is to find someone in a similar stage as yourself because you both can start from the same place because really that's the best way to go.

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  Posted by Zan Sun Mar 15, 2009 10:29am PDT

  You maybe not realize, he's having an affair with you since he not yet totally divorce with his wife.

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  Posted by pwsgirl Sun Mar 15, 2009 10:37am PDT

  Uh, I don't get it. The guy is married and you are continuing to see him? Big NO NO!! You need to tell him goodbye and to look you up only AFTER the divorce is final. Sounds to me like he's nothing more than a cheater and looking for a booty call. Nine times out of ten guys like this have NO intention of divorcing or leaving their wives. They are just out for a little excitement, and YOU are the one who will get hurt in the end. If he's cheating on his wife with you, then don't you think he would pass up the chance to cheat on you with someone else? My advice is to move on and find a guys who's fully available and ready for an exclusive relationship with you.

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  Posted by Clelia Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:19am PDT

  HI, Drop like a hot potato! My Ex...did the same thing....for weeks, We married and then hardly any love making, I was ready to step out on him...when he told me he was homosexual...after 10 years of marriage... I tought he was just half impotent ... but you see..when they do that a kiss on the forehead pufffff. let him go, you will be sorry afterwards.....at this tie after 11 years I am still wondering why he married me.....be smart....If you think he is respecting you, you should test him...because when you are a big girl it does not work that way.....

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  Posted by springtime Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:45am PDT

  He's a married man on the prowl. The online dating sites are full of these guys. They want something on the side.

  Don't be that something. Move on until he can show you divorce papers.

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  Posted by Michelle Sun Mar 15, 2009 6:43pm PDT

  for your own security ask to see the paper work and let him know that you choose not to get deeply involved until the process is over but will be a friend since you yourself have been hurt before and too mature for the high school games.

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  Posted by AmericanWoman Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:47pm PDT

  i too met a totally sexy and awesome man online...he told me he was separated from his ex for 8 years and their divorce was basically at a standstill...the kids were grown and out on their own and basically he told me she was holding out for money (i think)..i have no reason to not believe him so...we enjoyed a wild fun long distance very sexual relationship for 1 1/2 years then i just quit hearing from him....HUGE BUMMER......but i picked it up and moved on. last fall, i accidentally sent a group email out that included his old email and WOW i got email back from him! we chatted online a little, exchanged some emails and very quickly realized the attraction was still strong and still there. in the course of our conversation, i realized he had remarried and it was like getting slugged in the gut all over again. when i was honest with him about how i felt about him and our relationship all those years ago....GUESS WHAT? i have not heard from him since. i had lots of questions about why he could still feel attracted to me however be married to someone else...i had held the memories that he had been my best friend and i have limited my current relationships because of not having the "click" with anyone else yet. enjoy it, dont let your emotions get into it...if you cant play that way, then gotta be strong and say "see ya"....

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