Coping With Divorce

From the Community…

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  Posted by muse72 Fri Jul 31, 2009 8:44am PDT

  I am trying to rebuild after the loss of my 16 year marriage. The divorce is due to be finalized this September. We have been separated for a year-I thought reconciliation was possible, but he obviously did not and moved another woman in with him before the papers were even filed. I just found out about her thru the internet, not him, in May and I'm still hurt. I wonder why he is allowed this happiness, while I'm not, but I realize that this must be part of a bigger plan-I just have to figure out what it is. In hindsight, the marriage was kind of one sided and I was really was not treated as well as I could have been, but I always forgave and accepted it because that's what I thought you were supposed to do when you loved unconditionally. there was infidelity and mean things said about my weight and such things, but he was under the influence of drugs and alcohol and now has been thru rehab. He says he is very sorry for what he's done and I need better. I'm trying to take that to heart and build a good life for me and our daughter. Try to stay civil with your ex, no matter what, especially if you have children together. Forgiveness does not mean you condone their actions-you are helping yourself when you forgive. I wish luck and happiness to anyone else out there going thru this.

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  Posted by Howie Mon Sep 7, 2009 4:45am PDT

  I was married to a mail order bride and after 3 years(time necessary to get a Green Card)she walked out of the marriage with no intentions on working on it. I begged her to stay. She said my family was a bunch of red necks, I couldn't dance well, she didn't like the way I dressed, basically didn't like anything about me. We went to counseling and after the third session she determined that I was the problem and left the session. Since then, I attended Divorce Care and attend church regularly while taking anti depressants and anxiety pills in the meantime. We never spoke to each other again after the seperation. While we were still married and lying in bed, she did comment that she desired to marry a black man, have his child and live in Washington, DC. Within weeks after the final decree was signed, I learned she did marry a black man. It didn't take her long to find the love of her life after our divorce. Truly, I didn't mean anything to her but an opportunity to come to America. According to the Word, she committed adultery and we can never be together again and I must marry a believer (something she mocked for) The problem I have is that believers mostly are no different than non believers. If you don't like something, get rid of it. If you diasagree, find someone who will agree with you. Why is it that you must match 100% in everything the other says or does? The Bible says we should think together, not alike. That out differences is what makes us unique. Divorce these days is commonfold. It is commended. It is the answer to all marital problems as long as it satifies you. Look at John and Kate plus eight, Hulk Hogan etc. They all have new lovers and it looks like things are going great for all of them. Everybody's spouses are having the time opf their lives post divorce, so why am I still in pain? After all, I am supposed to get on with my life.

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  Posted by Brian Mon Sep 21, 2009 1:09pm PDT

  It has been hard! The one year mark is just two weeks away, and the heart ache is still there. Plus, the added bonus of seeing the ex with her new boyfriend, then picking your kid up at 0630 in the morning and seeing the boyfriends car sitting in the driveway! There is one common theme I have seen in just about all the post, and that is relying on God. God, is all I got! But the pain is still there! I just look forward to the day the pain is no more. I was hoping God would restore our marriage, but I guess that aint happening. So, I guess I will take it one day at a time, and pray that God will send a new helper into my life. Gods Blessings to all who have to go through this hell!!!!!!!!

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  Posted by brian Sat Oct 3, 2009 4:50pm PDT

  I'm in a failing , loveless marriage and I don't know how to get out of it. I don;t have the money to get a divorceor to even move out . But this is killing me . I can;t sleep, concentrate ,everything . I'm at the end of my rope here. Any help please

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  Posted by Socorro Wed Oct 14, 2009 7:04pm PDT

  VMJ, my heart goes out to you, I to was married for 28 yrs. and am coping with the loneliness, my daughters are 27 & 21 and they've gone on with their lifes. I wake up and go to sleep with prayer and tremendous faith everyday and I to know that one day things will get better. I'm taking it one day at a time, the anger, pain and everything else that goes along with it is less and less everyday so that I can continue with my life and CAN give myself to someone else if and when that comes. I still feel young and vibrant at my ripe old age of 48. Men & women who r going through this just take it one day at a time and live the moment, keep busy, enjoy life, BELIEVE and put yourselves in GOD's hands b/c in the long run that's all we can do. He's our creator and has a plan for everyone and remember he only takes away what pains and hurts us. KEEP THE FAITH!

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