Spending dozens of years in the entertainment business as a
performer and a manager, I saw how sexual harassment plays during
the day in, day out routine in the office.
Let's say Laura is a lovely woman, a former gymnast that now
works in accounting. She's got a quick smile but it takes
a little longer for the laugh lines to soften than it did
before. Late thirties now, she's on the prowl but not in
a carnal way that would leave residue if she were to sit on any of
the trendy, granite lunch counters for a length of
time. She’s available… to the right guy.
Arnie, a heavy man in his forties with hair that looks like
he's found a disturbing way to comb over his pubic threads into
a wispy coif, eyes Laura and his moist tongue jets out a
little. He comes up to the counter, where Laura is waiting
for a friend (albeit not for a very long time, ahem), and his
sweaty, red hands are trembling just slightly and he says:
"OOoh, I wouldn't have brown bagged it, if I'd seen
what was on the menu!"
A droplet of spittle falls from his lips as he tries to
smile. To Laura, his teeth resemble some sort of
bony, handmade device Native Americans may have fashioned to carve
canoes out of large, dead trees.
Later that day, Arnie is sitting down in HR, once again, getting
scolded, once again, for speaking inappropriately to the ladies.
He's got one shot left. He'll probably talk to no one
for now on, and it’s probably for the best. When he gets
home, the dozen or so cats will talk to him-- they get Arnie.
Ten minutes later, same scenario, Laura is up on the lunch counter
once again, waiting for her friend, kicking her calf high boots
together and Hunter comes up with a tray.
"Very dangerous, sitting there, Laura. You could do
damage."
"You calling me fat, Hunter? You think I’m
going to break the counter?"
"No, damaging to YOU. Don’t you know-- to keep the food
fresh, the counter top is chilled to below freezing... right now,
you probably don't even feel your ass because it's being
freeze dried."
Laura smirks, flips her hair. "You seemed terrible
worried about my ass."
"Not really. First you're blocking the sloppy
joe. Second, I have a solution to fix your impending
hypothermia."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, I learned it watching Karate Kid. I just rub my
hands together real fast, you hop off and I place them on the
injured area. Trust me, it’s the only way to
save you."
She hops off, smiles, and pokes him in the tight abs: "Oh,
no. No so fast, Mr. Miage."
He raises his manicured hands, "Fine, fine. Then let Mr.
Miage take you to sushi after work. Warm Saki. That’ll bring
a little color back into your cheeks." (wink, wink)
Trotting away, she says over her shoulder: "Maybe. Come
by my desk at 4pm."
What’s the biggest difference here, in this story that is played
out in various forms HUNDREDS OF TIMES A WEEK at places across the
U.S. ?
Arnie is an Uggo. Gross, unattractive, no self-confidence and
probably has a huge collection of used baby shoes in the mud
room. Arnie will always get hit with sexual harassment simply
by speaking to some women. Sometimes just by looking in their
general direction.
Hunter is good looking. Confident and a little funny. It
doesn’t matter that his comments were many times worse than
Arnie's. Hunter is NOT an Uggo. He's a good
looking person. He will not only get away with it, but often,
these exchanges will get him laid.
As a working fellow in the entertainment industry, I saw this first
hand. Luckily, I suppose for me, I was Hunter without the
rock hard abs (apparently, it's not Lite beer, if you drink
twice as much of it... ). I was way, way over the line many
times. Never even an eyebrow-raised (except when she was
being coy).
But the "Arnie" of our group? Written up
twice. I heard the exchange both times. His lips had
been smacking both times, yech. His was inappropriate because
he was an Uggo. That's simply how the complexion
crumbles.
CowFACT: Sexual Harassment is only filed on UGLY
or UNATTRACTIVE people. Never, never good-looking people
because you and I LIKE attention (even some harassment) we might
get from THEM! It makes us feel good about
ourselves.
Now, on occasion Hunter & Co. do get sexual harassment suits thrown at them only because there is a substantial monetary gain to be made by the accuser (or more often) accusers. However, Hunter can avoid the negative ruling simply by sleeping with the judge (no matter their gender).
Addendum: This does not apply for women sexually harassing men. Bring it on, please. The more, the merrier Seriously. All of it and more. Dare yourself to offend us. Please. Except, of course, the Uggo women.
Scratch that... Actually, that's fine, too.
Moo,
--Cowfact
