I have been seeing this guy for a couple of months and we work together. His mother happens to also work where we work. As usually happens in any business there are always people who like to talk. The Rumor mill so to speak. I should probably add, since this is my first blog on this site, that i am grown. I'm thirty two with three kids. He's a bit younger, twenty-five, with two kids, but neither one of us are children. Now that that's cleared up. I Really like this guy. Might even be falling in love with him. We have tons of stuff in common. We talk about any and everything. We've shared our not so perfect pasts with each other, etc. etc. So this guys mother thinks she knows that we are seeing each other and comes to me AT WORK and tells me that she's ok with us being friends but it better not be more than that or it's "gonna be bad." I should also probably mention that I'm white and they are black which i think is an issue for her. And i should mention that he is her only and youngest son. But again, I'd like to go back to the whole issue of him being A MAN and not 12 anymore. So she says this to me and I look at her and say, "OK." I mean what else am i going to say. I'm not trying to get anything started at work that i may lose my job over. We work in two different areas. Her son happens to work in my area. So he has a couple sisters, one of whom, has conveniently been hanging out at the workplace glaring in my general direction but hasn't said anything to me. I think it's an intimidation thing. Not working by the way. So to make a long story short Mom has on more than one occasion told son that i have said something that wasn't true. She told him once that when he was out of town i told her that "Yes, we are sleeping together." Now, call me crazy, but my own mother doesn't know who i'm having sex with and i'm certainly not going to share my sex life with said sex partners mom. He asks me if it's true, i tell him no, and he believes me because he knows me well enough to know that i do not lie under any circumstances. So the other day, we were working together and she came into our area to see him and to glare at me. Not once, not twice, not three times, oh no, ladies and gentleman, she came in four times. I'm not sure if she thinks she scares me or what but this is what she does. She will break up conversations between him and I because she has to "show" him something, or "needs" him for something. I think it's funny that she's so obsessed with it. I think she needs to cut the cord. So yesterday, and here's where it gets bizzare, he calls me while i am at my other job and says, "can i ask you a question?" I say, "sure." And he asks me if i told someone where we work that his mom was harassing me. I'm shocked. Of course I didn't say anything like that. I like him alot and I know how much he loves his mom even if her ass is crazy, so why would i, right? Well he says his sister, probably the one who comes to glare at me, called him and said that the boss had a talk with mom, said she was harassing me and if it didn't stop she would lose her job. Now I will admit that she was not hiding the fact that she now doesn't like me. I should probably also tell you that before this thing with her son, she absolutely loved me. Now, not so much. So after a little probing some of my people at work. I've come to the conclusion that she was lying about all of it because she wants him pissed off at me so when she puts him in the position to choose, which is juvenile, he will pick mommy. I have never in my life been in a situation like this. I really like this guy. Ok, i guess i could say I love him, but in the sense that i love being with him and almost everything about him not in the i can't live without him in love with him kind of way. so now i have this internal debate going on. This is way more drama than I am used to. More than I want. I'm a libra, i hate conflict. So do I, for the sake of my sanity, tell him that I can't be with him because I think his mom is absolutely certifiably insane? Because if i do that, she gets what she wants. She wins. That is what she is hoping i will do, i think. Or do I say, "screw it, i don't care what her crazy ass says, i want to be with you and she's just gonna have to deal with it?" Which is kind of funny because she doesn't have to deal with it. We don't take it to the office. This is an outside relationship. It actually has nothing to do with work, but she has turned it into a work issue. It's insane. it really is the most bizarre experience I've ever had. What's a girl to do when dealing with a CRAZY MOM?
Crazy Mom Rant
- by , on Fri Jul 4, 2008 9:35am PDT
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Posted by Fri Jul 4, 2008 10:54am PDT
Report AbuseIt sounds like you and this guy have been skirting ariund this issue. You are correct; neither of you is a kid. So, sit his butt down and level with him. His mom is causing drama and discomfort at work. You care about him, and if he cares about you and sees this relationship going somewhere, then Mom the Pit Bull needs to back off. He's the crown prince in the family, but if he is not willing to take a stand and man up to her, then you are better off without him. I wouldn't be surprised if the mother of his children left for this very same reason.
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Posted by Fri Jul 4, 2008 1:10pm PDT
Report AbuseYes, you need to sit down with him and let him know what's going on. If you guys relationship is as open as you think it is, he will understand. Your w personal life should not be brought at work. It's not any ones business but you and your guy. Explain to him that you are not trying to keep up any confusion but, you need her to back off.
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Posted by Fri Jul 4, 2008 5:09pm PDT
Report AbuseGirl sit that man down and speak to him about it and if he's on your side have him speak with his mother and let him know to tell her that she needs to mind hers and to start acting like a grown woman unless she wants to lose her job!
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Posted by Sat Jul 5, 2008 11:44am PDT
Report AbuseYou definitely need to tell your guy that his mom is causing problems and you don't want or need the drama in your life but you have genuine feelings for him. You may want to think of the consequences of how much of a bigger issue it could be since she is so enamored with her sons love life. You may have to decide whether you should get another job if you are that serious about him. The problem is, that if his mother doesn't like you now, you will be no less of a threat later. Mom's are weird about the youngest boy. My baby bro never could get his ex and my mom to get along no matter how hard he tried, and he did, for five years! She was sweet, nothing wrong with her but my mom had it in her head that this girl was "changing him" and she was "losing her baby". If he's serious with you it is HIS responsibilty to go to her and say that he wants this relationship. It is the family tie that make it so. If it were your mom it would be your responsibility. Maybe afterwards, you could both sit with her and you could tell her about your genuine feelings. Maybe she will have respect for that, and maybe you could find out that race isn't the issue but the thought of losing her only son IS. I wish you the best of luck! Relationships can be hard enough by themselves and it's an absolute shame that others can get way too involved.
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Posted by Sat Jul 5, 2008 7:33pm PDT
Report AbuseRun while you can. The fact that she is black has nothing to do with the fact that she is crazy.
It is very hard for some women to let go and cut the umbilical cord. He has to put his mother in her place. The fact that he confronts you about what he hears means that he will not be confronting her. He knows his mother is nuts and like most men is not able to say that to her.
Do not lose your job over this situation. Even if you did not tell a supervisor other people have eyes and probably feel uncomfortable with the situation. She is obviously unprofessional as she does not stay in her area and do her work. She is willing to risk her job to act foolishly at work.
Why would you put yourself in this position? What ever happens in the end you can not say that you did not see it coming.
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Posted by Sun Jul 6, 2008 12:38am PDT
Report Abusebeen there! if he hasn't stood up to his mama yet, he never will. you will always take the back seat in this relationship.if you would be ok with that and having a step grandmother for your children, knowing that they wont ever be excepted either,then try and make it work. I have to say that when I was in the same boat you are, I decided that my children's happiness came first. I let him know that I would not be the one to make him choose and I was making the choice for the better for me and MY children. Good luck honey, you'll need it.
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