Love + Sex

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Dating Diaries: 10 dating red flags

Getty Images

Getty Images

When determining if you should let things get serious, remember: actions speak louder than words. With that being said, here are ten dating red flags. If you see any of these, do yourself a favor and reconsider if it's worth it for you.

1. You are not on the VIP list for breaking news

Were you the last to learn about this person's job promotion or newborn niece or nephew? Once things are serious, you should be among the first to know about exciting news, or bad news.


2. They avoid meeting your family or friends

If they are shying away from meeting your friends/family consistently, then there are problems. Even if they are very shy, they should want to meet those who are important to you.


Photo creidt: Weblo

Photo creidt: Weblo

3. They don't make any sacrifices

Healthy relationships don't require bending over backwards all the time, but a certain amount of sacrifice is necessary in a selfless union. When two of my friends first started dating one another, she demanded that he go to Farm Aid for her birthday, which was also the opening NFL football Sunday. While all the guys gathered to watch the games, he was sweltering on some field attending Farm Aid -- an event he never would have gone to if she hadn't have invited him. Now that's sacrifice.

4. They can't fit in your future

I admit it. When I meet girls, I envision future moments I may some day share with them. Most of my scenarios are her with me and my family at a Thanksgiving holiday or at a summer crabfeast. If I'm really into her, I usually relish the thought. If not, I kinda cringe.

5. They are too controlling

It's scary but I've seen many relationships where guys forbid girls to hang out with certain friends, or wear certain clothes. Major problem if someone is controlling you and not allowing you to be who you want to be within a relationship.

6. The "what are we" conversation fails miserably

Almost every relationship hits that crossroads where you both decide if it's worth taking the plunge into being exclusive and calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend. If they are confused and surprised that you're ready to get serious, the timing is not right, and you should try to figure out how long you want to wait around until they are ready.

Photo credit: University of Pittsburgh

Photo credit: University of Pittsburgh

7. They talk about plans that don't involve you

My sister has major wanderlust. She's always talking about heading off to Chicago or living in London for a year. She often talks about these things with no regard for the fact that she has a boyfriend at the time. If you find that someone is making plans or talking about far off places without inviting you along for the ride, don't let yourself get too into this person.

8. Your friends or family don't like them

Remember that your friends and family know you best. Don't take their thoughts with a grain of salt. It's one thing if a person or two don't get along with your significant other, but if a lot of them are saying you should reconsider, then do it. Unfortunately, we often find out about how much our friends hated that person after this person is gone.


9. They violated your trust

Whether it's cheating or a little lie that they got caught in, it will be hard to regain trust. Trust is something we don't give away easily, and once it's gone it's hard to get it back. We'll always be wondering about that lie, and doubt will creep in more and more as our minds fixate on that lie. Too often, people take trust for granted and once they lose it they never get it back.

10. You practice "unbalanced dating"

Are you always seeing his friends or doing things that he wants to do? Do you just let him pick the restaurants and events? Or is it the other way around? Relationships are fun when you are both able to contribute. If you're not taking turns creating fun times together, it will most likely fizzle out.

What would you add to the list? Ever been a victim of any of these red flags?


Posted by Rich

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From the Community…

Comments 351-357 of 357
  • irishrose's Avatar
    Posted by irishrose Thu Oct 23, 2008 1:37am PDT

    I agree with most if not all the red flags- although, I have found that my style of dating is I want perfection or I want a fixer upper, giving all of myself to the WRONG one and pushing aside the one who would of been alot of fun in the long run! My mother knew- she would say something to the effect of Its timing! she was right 9 out of 10 times! i hated that! now i ask myself if i would date me and if i turn myself into the person i want to be with Just maybe they will come around. another of moms little sayings that i didnt like. another thing about DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH- i had great guy who was the fixer upper and the perfect man in every sense- just boring- so i got with a man who thrived on drama- i want my boring man back!! ahh.. to be a woman and to know i can be satisfied! that i will take with me on my next date!

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  • Roscoe D's Avatar
    Posted by Roscoe D Thu Oct 23, 2008 5:24am PDT

    I was married for 6 years to a very controlling man addicted to drugs. Every paycheck I earned I had to immediately turn over to him, only to have it spent on drugs. I got out of that. Friends introduced me to a guy "just made for me". He showed up at my door with a 12 pack of beer in one hand and a dozen roses in the other and complained the rest of the night about how much the roses cost him. Needless to say, I ran and I ran hard, I even changed my phone number. And I'm so glad I did, he remarried and his wife is terrified of him and has nothing to her name but bad credit because all that matters to him is that almighty can of beer and she not spend money on frivolous things like underwear. Apparently he doesn't wear it so she has no need for any. I'm so glad I didn't get involved.

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  • Randy's Avatar
    Posted by Randy Thu Oct 23, 2008 6:12am PDT

    Sorry, but #'s 7 and 8 are BS. Number 7 puts you into the "hopelessly needy" category. I mean, seriously? You think you need to be included in every aspect of your date's life? Maybe they had pre-existing plans with friends. They knew people before you came to the party, and they'll know them after you leave...get over yourself. Unless, of course, you're one of those people who starts planning the wedding on every first date....yuchhhhh!

    And number 8? Don't even know how to approach that one. Your family and friends should have their own lives to lead.

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  • Skeet's Avatar
    Posted by Skeet Thu Oct 23, 2008 9:34am PDT

    The thing I HATE most as a guy is when a lady agrees to a date for lunch or movie THEN texts you 30 minutes before you are suppose to pick her up and CANCELS. At lease use the cell phone and call to explain. Texting a way out of a date you committed to is BOGUS!

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  • Lucy's Avatar
    Posted by Lucy Thu Oct 23, 2008 3:50pm PDT

    tnx for these tips some of them have been truly helpful in my decisions...some opened my mind more regarding relationships....

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  • GOLDIE's Avatar
    Posted by GOLDIE Tue Jan 27, 2009 4:33am PST

    when u really luv ur guy or lady i dn suppose tht it'd b hard 2 tok thngs wt ur family or friends cz i blv tht wn u'r hapi thn they sud as wel noticed tht n put u ol down 2 tok thnds out n settle ol ur differences!tho our mummies lyk takin full control of our luvlyf lyk mine,smtyms u nid 2 shw hr tht indeed th smal thngs tht sh sees irritatng in tht guy does mstter lyk th qualificatxns of tht guy for example.motly whn in a relationship us ladies we r taken 4 granted so watch n start livin a better life n stop lettin guys mes u up,CHAOW

    Report Abuse
  • GOLDIE's Avatar
    Posted by GOLDIE Tue Jan 27, 2009 4:33am PST

    when u really luv ur guy or lady i dn suppose tht it'd b hard 2 tok thngs wt ur family or friends cz i blv tht wn u'r hapi thn they sud as wel noticed tht n put u ol down 2 tok thnds out n settle ol ur differences!tho our mummies lyk takin full control of our luvlyf lyk mine,smtyms u nid 2 shw hr tht indeed th smal thngs tht sh sees irritatng in tht guy does mstter lyk th qualificatxns of tht guy for example.motly whn in a relationship us ladies we r taken 4 granted so watch n start livin a better life n stop lettin guys mes u up,CHAOW

    Report Abuse
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