Love + Sex

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Dating diaries: My C%$k blocking apartment (Part 2)

Here are the rest of my apartment ----- -blocks (defined in previous post):

My Two Gargantuan Mutant Cats

This is the one that I think all my friends will agree is my biggest ----- block. I adopted two cats years back and they've moved from apartment to apartment with me. I'm not one to give away animals or break commitments to defenseless things, so they will continue to live with me. However, they are huge. The white one is shy and never poses a problem. However, Dusty, the super fat tabby, loves/hates people. He is at the front door as soon as he hears it unlocking, so you have to shoo him away as you enter the apartment. He's also used to sleeping in my room so, when I kick him out if I have a girl over, he scratches at the bedroom door. Not sure how many of you have heard the sound of cat claws scratching a wooden painted door, but it really is not the most romantic soundtrack to make out to. If a girl is comfortable enough to let him in, he'll climb on the bed and then on us. I can remember specific times, mid-kiss, looking up and seeing his husky shadow triumphantly standing on her back. Cat toys are one thing, but their scratching post is a ghastly shredded thing that sits by my window and never goes un- noticed by a girl. I also felt guilty one day because I didn't think they had enough to do so I hung this wire toy for them off my wall. A girl who looked in on the cats when I was out of town said:

You have to get rid of that contraption on the wall of your bedroom.

When I don't have anyone else to stay with me, the cats sleep in my bed and shed. I wash the sheets and covers as much as I can but it's just not enough. I try to suggest to girls to get into shirts and shorts, but either way it's always awkward. In the morning, girls find themselves covered with cat hair. Perhaps I should start testing how clingy girls clothes are when I'm out and just eliminate them that way. Oh, and Dusty likes to bite and scratch too.

Dusty

Justin Santino

My Sunflower Seed Spittoon

One of my favorite snacks is David Sunflower seed . Nothing like cracking open that salty goodness. I love eating them while relaxing and watching TV in bed. I have a little plastic canister on my night table where I spit the hulls and eventually empty them into the trashcan. If I did' t happen to empty it the night I bring a girl home, all I can do is warn her up front.

Sunflowers

http://www.artquotes.net/masters/vangogh/vangogh_sunflowers.htm

Clothing Mounds

I still do it: just throw my clothes into a pile all week when I get home from work because I have no time for anything. I usually do wash on the weekend maybe during the week if I'm lucky. If I have dirty mounds of laundry on the ground, hopefully I've shoved them all somewhere before a girl comes home but, if I haven't, I just have to hope she doesn't get creeped out by the pile of clothes by my closet.

Looking over this list it's clear what I have to do. Maybe I should always assume the possibility of a girl coming over. It will force me to maintain my apartment ----- blocks. That way, I won t be nervous to bring a girl back and have to get through all the ----- blocking booby traps in my apartment. But, it's just so easy to be lazy sometimes.

So what horrible things have you encountered at guy s places that have ruined the mood: ex-girlfriend paraphernalia, pictures of mom next to his bed? And which of these things about my apartment do you think are the worst? Do you agree with my solution, or do you have other ideas?


Posted by Rich

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Comments 1-10 of 22
  • Cynthia's Avatar
    Posted by Cynthia Mon May 26, 2008 10:58pm PDT

    ahhhh the cat in your bed is the worst!!! i can deal with all the other "sinlge guy things" but the cats in your bed?? and the hairs?? that's horrible..i understand you love your cats...but in the bedroom is too much!! try to teach him to sleep in other place...

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  • s4r4hm4t's Avatar
    Posted by s4r4hm4t Tue May 27, 2008 3:01pm PDT

    aaaw... a dude who loves his kitties! Okay, so the AMOUNT of kitty hair is a bad thing. But that can be solved by MAKING YOUR BED! Even if you just tug the blankets up so the feline furries are only on the top blanket. The rest? Typical bachelor stuff that can be over looked. If it bugs her that much there are two options: - she can clean it herself or have you over to her place. Personally I think its part of the Santos Charm. :)

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  • Mimi's Avatar
    Posted by Mimi Wed May 28, 2008 8:19am PDT

    eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww! i hate cat hair!!

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  • Beth's Avatar
    Posted by Beth Wed May 28, 2008 9:04am PDT

    I have 5 cats myself, a few of them are part time and all of the are outdoor kitties. Most of the time they all sleep on the bed also, either I'm just used to the kitty fur or it really isn't all that bad. Any girl who is an animal lover will understand. Would you really want to bring home someone who wouldn't be accepting of your furry buddies?

    I agree with you, if you treat your place like a girl is going to come over at a moments notice then things will be more under control. Plus it will be easier for you when a girl does come over, you won't have to do the massive cleaning before hand just a little touch up.

    When my boyfriend and I started dating, we were 17 so he lived with his family still. Shared a room with his little brother. That wasn't so much the C blocker because his younger brother knew to announce that he was coming up before doing so....now his older brother on the other hand did not and barged right up, sat down on the floor and proceeded to try and play video games. He interrupted us in the middle of and "intimate" moment, and he couldn't take the hint. Talk about a good way to ruin the mood.

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  • joseph t's Avatar
    Posted by joseph t Wed May 28, 2008 2:20pm PDT

    dude take that old nasty blanket out of your closet wash it and cover your bed with it and when girls come over pull it off real quick and keep the cat out of the bedroom, you have a door right? If you have cats you are responsible for them and their hair so you have to vacuum all the time and use those tape hair rollers, just stock up on em they come in handy everywhere.....either that orrrrr shave your cats every couple weeks. lol

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  • joseph t's Avatar
    Posted by joseph t Wed May 28, 2008 2:20pm PDT

    dude take that old nasty blanket out of your closet wash it and cover your bed with it and when girls come over pull it off real quick and keep the cat out of the bedroom, you have a door right? If you have cats you are responsible for them and their hair so you have to vacuum all the time and use those tape hair rollers, just stock up on em they come in handy everywhere.....either that orrrrr shave your cats every couple weeks. lol

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  • 's Avatar
    Posted by Wed May 28, 2008 7:35pm PDT

    Of course, you can get with a dominant-sub switch. She will crack the whip over you to get your room in line so you can lick her boots without getting all that fir stuck in the seams. And she might even enjoy old puss scratching and nibbling on her strategically on your behalf. She might even turn around and use YOU for her own sunflower spitoon in some psychrodramatic episode. Yup! She would be perfect for you. It would shape your room right up.

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  • Inky's Avatar
    Posted by Inky Wed May 28, 2008 11:52pm PDT

    My fiance had three cats when we met. Two are 20+ pound Maine Coons. (The other is an obnoxious little Siamese.) The first night I stayed at his place, we were laying in bed, watching a movie, kissing and getting playful and frisky; and out of nowhere this monster cat lays down on my back and starts purring and kneading the blanket. (Thankfully, he was declawed.) I just started laughing and grabbed the cat and snuggled him up with us while we finished watching the movie. My fiance said that was when he realized I was "the one." And now all three cats sleep in bed with us every night.

    If the girl doesn't like cats, get her outta there. Cats are NOT a c*** block. Prissy chics that can't stand the idea of an animal vying for their attention ARE however.

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  • oliviatetreau's Avatar
    Posted by oliviatetreau Thu May 29, 2008 8:02am PDT

    Of course, you can get with a dominant-sub switch. She will crack the whip over you to get your room in line so you can lick her boots without getting all that fir stuck in the seams. And she might even enjoy old puss scratching and nibbling on her strategically on your behalf. She might even turn around and use YOU for her own sunflower spitoon in some psychrodramatic episode. Yup! She would be perfect for you. It would shape your room right up.

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  • oliviatetreau's Avatar
    Posted by oliviatetreau Thu May 29, 2008 8:03am PDT

    hi, good discussion.bye

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