Love + Sex

Monday, December 7, 2009

Dating diaries: My C%$k blocking apartment (Part 2)

Here are the rest of my apartment ----- -blocks (defined in previous post):

My Two Gargantuan Mutant Cats

This is the one that I think all my friends will agree is my biggest ----- block. I adopted two cats years back and they've moved from apartment to apartment with me. I'm not one to give away animals or break commitments to defenseless things, so they will continue to live with me. However, they are huge. The white one is shy and never poses a problem. However, Dusty, the super fat tabby, loves/hates people. He is at the front door as soon as he hears it unlocking, so you have to shoo him away as you enter the apartment. He's also used to sleeping in my room so, when I kick him out if I have a girl over, he scratches at the bedroom door. Not sure how many of you have heard the sound of cat claws scratching a wooden painted door, but it really is not the most romantic soundtrack to make out to. If a girl is comfortable enough to let him in, he'll climb on the bed and then on us. I can remember specific times, mid-kiss, looking up and seeing his husky shadow triumphantly standing on her back. Cat toys are one thing, but their scratching post is a ghastly shredded thing that sits by my window and never goes un- noticed by a girl. I also felt guilty one day because I didn't think they had enough to do so I hung this wire toy for them off my wall. A girl who looked in on the cats when I was out of town said:

You have to get rid of that contraption on the wall of your bedroom.

When I don't have anyone else to stay with me, the cats sleep in my bed and shed. I wash the sheets and covers as much as I can but it's just not enough. I try to suggest to girls to get into shirts and shorts, but either way it's always awkward. In the morning, girls find themselves covered with cat hair. Perhaps I should start testing how clingy girls clothes are when I'm out and just eliminate them that way. Oh, and Dusty likes to bite and scratch too.

Dusty

Justin Santino

My Sunflower Seed Spittoon

One of my favorite snacks is David Sunflower seed . Nothing like cracking open that salty goodness. I love eating them while relaxing and watching TV in bed. I have a little plastic canister on my night table where I spit the hulls and eventually empty them into the trashcan. If I did' t happen to empty it the night I bring a girl home, all I can do is warn her up front.

Sunflowers

http://www.artquotes.net/masters/vangogh/vangogh_sunflowers.htm

Clothing Mounds

I still do it: just throw my clothes into a pile all week when I get home from work because I have no time for anything. I usually do wash on the weekend maybe during the week if I'm lucky. If I have dirty mounds of laundry on the ground, hopefully I've shoved them all somewhere before a girl comes home but, if I haven't, I just have to hope she doesn't get creeped out by the pile of clothes by my closet.

Looking over this list it's clear what I have to do. Maybe I should always assume the possibility of a girl coming over. It will force me to maintain my apartment ----- blocks. That way, I won t be nervous to bring a girl back and have to get through all the ----- blocking booby traps in my apartment. But, it's just so easy to be lazy sometimes.

So what horrible things have you encountered at guy s places that have ruined the mood: ex-girlfriend paraphernalia, pictures of mom next to his bed? And which of these things about my apartment do you think are the worst? Do you agree with my solution, or do you have other ideas?


Posted by Rich

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From the Community…

Comments 11-20 of 22
  • anonymous's Avatar
    Posted by anonymous Thu May 29, 2008 10:19am PDT

    Grow up! How hard is it to put your dirty clothes in a hamper and clean up your nasty food remnants. Guys like you end up with women that are constantly nagging you to clean up after yourself and then complain to her that she is constantly nagging you. Do yourself a favor, keep the place neat out of respect for yourself or don't bother. You'll just mislead some poor girl into thinking your the kind of guy that picks up after himself when you are not.

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  • AnnMarie's Avatar
    Posted by AnnMarie Thu May 29, 2008 1:33pm PDT

    I never go back to a guy's place for this reason......you never know what your gonna find. I know my sheets are clean and my apartment doesnt smell. And I always have condoms too.................

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  • Cindy's Avatar
    Posted by Cindy Thu May 29, 2008 4:42pm PDT

    From my perspective, the cats wouldn't bother me, and neither would the clothes. But I am quite grossed out by the sunflower seed spittoon. That would be a deal breaker for me.

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  • Sally's Avatar
    Posted by Sally Fri May 30, 2008 6:57am PDT

    BUY A VACUUM, BUY A HAMPER, AND PURCHASE A SMALL TRASH CONTAINER FOR THE SEEDS(you know the cute ones that are tiny and sit in peoples lockers or on their desks)

    Report Abuse
  • blubeautydrivr's Avatar
    Posted by blubeautydrivr Fri May 30, 2008 5:07pm PDT

    Geez, I can relate. I got two cats, both of them deemed "so overweight" by vets and it's frustrating. Similarly, I don't like people coming over. I change the litter about every four days or else one of my cats will go to the bathroom wherever she pleases, sometimes she is nice and does it on the tile which is easier to clean than the carpet. I always smell cat urine and use febreze, oust, lysol, etc on a daily basis. Then we move on to the carpet cleaning. . .I vacuum once a week and clean all the spots on the carpet from the hairballs. . I think it's from only one cat. I use really good carpet cleaner but I'm annoyed because the next day, my cat starts throwing up so it's a never-ending cycle. I do not want anyone to come over and see my place. And this is not even mentioning cat hair or dust or anything like that. Screw thinking about bringing a guy over. . .

    Report Abuse
  • goober's Avatar
    Posted by goober Mon Jun 2, 2008 8:12am PDT

    HAR DEE HARRRR!!!! THIS IS JUST GOOD ENTERTAINMENT!!

    Report Abuse
  • Jason's Avatar
    Posted by Jason Tue Jun 3, 2008 6:07am PDT

    Got to find a gal that loves the p----'s!

    Report Abuse
  • Jason's Avatar
    Posted by Jason Tue Jun 3, 2008 6:07am PDT

    Got to find a gal that loves the p----'s!

    Report Abuse
  • S's Avatar
    Posted by S Tue Jun 3, 2008 1:30pm PDT

    just a suggestion... but you might want to inquire if a girl is allergic to cats before bringing her home. Personally though.. I feel one p---- in bed is enough.

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  • Fatso's Avatar
    Posted by Fatso Mon Jun 9, 2008 12:31am PDT

    We have a big fat cat who is not allowed in our room, but when my husband isn't home we sneak him in and let him sleep on my bed. The rest of the time he sleeps with my son. In all other ways this cat is sooo spoiled and he's my husband's baby.The cat even talks meow talk to him! Pets are great, they still love you even when the rest of the house doesn't!

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Comments 11-20 of 22

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