Dear a----

The more i try to forget you the more i realize how much i care about you.
I don't know if I should call it "Love" but something inside tells me that you are the one!!......that scares me!!.   How can I fall for someone who doesn't know how to apreciate a woman, or someone who doesn't even know what respect and education really mean?!
It scares me to know that I may be really fallen for you, am I depressed? or am I that desperate to be with someone that my heart has decided to choose you to be in my life?!...It's soo confusing.
Today something extremly weird happened to me, as I was "doing IT" with that special someone your face came to my mind and I realized how much i missed being with you and talking to you. I felt like if I was using him, but it wasn't rreally me!
It was my mind playing tricks on me, it was horrible but yet amazing. It was exiting but yet confusing, to the point that after it was all over he asked me about you like if he knew what I had been thinking!!! **ugh**  I felt kinda disgusted with myself, I felt so bad.
My question is: Why am I feeling like this, if you have never giving me a reason to fall for you?!
I cant even say that I have confused friendshiip with love if you don't even know how to be a good friend, I have always been there for you but you have never been there for me, so is not even that.
All you have done is try to make me jealous and at the same time treat me like one of the boys. There is nothing special about you that would make me want you in any way and for some odd reason I do!
I wish I could just find an explanation for this feeling!