DEAR MARGO: A lot of sex is in your mind

DEAR MARGO: My husband of a year, "Michael," is everything a partner should be: generous, caring, supportive, intelligent, easygoing and optimistic. My ex-boyfriend, "George," is none of those things. He's controlling, obsessive-compulsive, inflexible and unhappy. Don't get me wrong, George has his good points; otherwise, we wouldn't have dated for four years. But while Michael fills my days with happiness and laughter, George was more the tear-inducing type. My problem is that when it comes to the bedroom, George really rang my bell. Sex with Michael is very pleasant and usually fulfilling, but George could set me on fire. Please know that I wouldn't touch George with a 10-foot pole. We broke up for valid reasons, and my husband is my one true love (forgive the cliche). I just wish that Michael and I could have the level of intensity that I had with George. How do I get back into that mindset?

--- LONG ON LOVE, SHORT ON SPARK IN THE U.K.

DEAR LONG: It sounds as though you're stuck in "bad boy mode." Some women need to be with a jerk to get turned on. I would concentrate on your husband: Ask for what you want, and teach him George's techniques, if possible -- with no attribution, of course. And for God's sake, stop thinking about the guy with whom you had high drama and good sex. Let it really be over and done with. When you're remembering the good sex, remember the rotten behavior. If you totally accept that "Michael" is your heart's desire and "George" is yesterday's (bad) news, I'm betting the bedroom scene will greatly improve.

--- MARGO, BLAZINGLY

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to click here.