Love + Sex

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Debating the Dating Age Gap: How Old is Too Old?

 

So you've finally met a guy who seems worthy of your time. He is everything you've been looking for and more: handsome, successful, smart, and funny. There's just one thing; he's a little bit older than you...make that, a lot older. More so than you're willing to reveal to your parents--let's just put it that way.

How to Transition Your Work Outfit to a Sexy Date Ensemble

As if the world of dating didn't already have enough nuances and complications, differences in age between you and your significant other can be a common source of complication. Whether you are currently dating someone or considering dating someone who differs greatly in age from yourself, read on to see what you can expect from a relationship with this kind of age gap involved.

Celine Dion and her man are 26 years apart.

The Cons

As you've probably already guessed (or experienced for yourself), dating someone, let's say, 12 years your senior can elicit some raised eyebrows from friends and family--and it's never pleasant when the closest people in your life don't approve of the one you love. You'll have to decide whether your family members and friends are the kind of people who can get over the age gap in your relationship given time, or if they'll always hold it against them for this simple fact.

Depending on what phase of your life you currently find yourself in (college, your first job, or divorced in your 40s), it can be hard to get to a deeper level with someone who's just not in the same place. If you're still frequenting the local campus pub every weekend and your boyfriend is 30 and thinking about marriage, chances are the relationship is doomed, unless one of you is willing to make serious sacrifices. You'll also have to be prepared that all of your lover's friends may be at a completely different maturity level, even if your bf/gf is not--and hanging out with a bunch of married folks with kids when you're 21? Not so fun anymore, is it?

Recession-friendly Ideas for Your Next Date

When dating someone much older than yourself, be wary of their motivation. Did they just get out of a marriage and are simply trying to prove to themselves they still have what it takes to bag a babe? Use caution.

Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas are 25 years apart.

The Pros

While others may find it creepy, dating someone ten years older or younger could be just what you need to keep the relationship interesting. While you might be able to keep your man young and modern, he could impart his extra years of wisdom on you, working out a beautiful balance between youthfulness and maturity in the relationship. Plus, since you've grown up experiencing different cultural times, you'll have plenty of stories to share with one another.

If you're still in a phase where you're just getting your career started, there is something to be said about dating someone who is a bit older, and ergo, more financially stable. That is, unless you want to spend every single night of your relationship in your apartment microwaving ramen noodles. Yeah, we didn't think so. We don't suggest basing your attraction solely on a dude's bank account, but if you meet a great guy who's got a steady job and can treat you to the occasional cultural event or dinner out on the town, we say, bring it on.

The 5 Types of Guys to Avoid at All Costs

In the end, if you feel a connection and have similar interests and chemistry with your man, there really shouldn't be anything to stop you from continuing the relationship, as long as you feel that yours and your significant other's motivations are valid. So don't rule someone out just because they were wearing neon spandex and listening to Eddie Money in high school while you were still sucking on a pacifier. There's still hope for the sparks to fly.

Check out StyleCaster for more of the best dating and relationship advice:

Follow us on Twitter and Facebook And the StyleCaster Daily Looks Widget! Get StyleCaster on-the-go with our ALL NEW iPhone App!
Syndication:

From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 120
  • None's Avatar
    Posted by None Wed Nov 25, 2009 11:44am PST

    I think anything over 10 years is a bit much, creep almost, like daddy & daughter, or grandpa LOL imagine when u are 30 and hes 50 u will not be able to experience certain things, BUT, for men, they look great old as hell and can still function, but women, not as well, sadly. We got all the curses.

    Report Abuse
  • Liz's Avatar
    Posted by Liz Wed Nov 25, 2009 11:59am PST

    My boyfriend is 7 years older than me. I am 23 and he is 30. But I've always been mature for my age anyways, so we really are both at the same place in our lives. I wouldn't date any guy that was anymore than 10 years older than me though. That's just pushing it!

    Report Abuse
  • SusanB's Avatar
    Posted by SusanB Wed Nov 25, 2009 12:00pm PST

    this article seemed to be geared to the women who date much older men (that's been done for YEARS) but doesn't address the issue in reverse much - i'd like to see an article on THAT for a change :)

    Report Abuse
  • cindy's Avatar
    Posted by cindy Wed Nov 25, 2009 12:01pm PST

    My husband is 26 yrs older than me. I was 18 and he was 45 when we got married and I was pregnant, but we have been HAPPILY married for 7 yrs, our son is great and smart and well behaved, we have good jobs, and yes the cultural differences and stories are great and interesting. We share a love of music and other cultural events that I may not have been able to share and experience with someone my own age. I feel his wisdom and confidence from being older wears off onto me and helps me grow and yes I do help keep him young at heart. He was to begin with though. We are such a perfect compliment to each other that I think we have many more great years ahead of us.

    Report Abuse
  • ~*~Bella Donna~*~'s Avatar
    Posted by ~*~Bella Donna~*~ Wed Nov 25, 2009 12:01pm PST

    I think age is irrelevant. My husband is 12 years older than me, and it works fabulously. I have dated men as much as 26 years my senior (we were together for 2 years actually...), and see nothing wrong with it. I've been asked out by men older than my parents. And I didn't turn them down because of their age. I was already in a relationship. People need to not be so judgmental. If a relationship works, and is not bad for either party, let it be!

    Report Abuse
  • Lizzy's Avatar
    Posted by Lizzy Wed Nov 25, 2009 12:02pm PST

    I've been dating someone 16 years younger than me he's 29 and I'm 45. We are crazy about each other. I was the one that was scared and he told me that we should live for each other and nobody else. Love is great at all ages and don't end it to make others happy...Make yourself happy!!

    Report Abuse
  • Nicole's Avatar
    Posted by Nicole Wed Nov 25, 2009 12:05pm PST

    ^ i agree with the over 10 comment. But on the other hand, Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas seem like a beautiful couple.

    Report Abuse
  • Mysterious Gryphon's Avatar
    Posted by Mysterious Gryphon Wed Nov 25, 2009 12:15pm PST

    I don't know. I don't have a problem with a woman my age (26) dating an older man, but I don't get women with younger men. Why would I want to date someone even five years younger - who is still in college?

    But I really, really don't understand men who date or marry women who are significantly older than they are. It just seems creepy. What does an 18-year-old boy see in a 45-year-old woman, besides his mother? I really, really don't understand ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. He would be a better fit with her oldest daughter.

    I guess my big thing is that I want a partner, not someone who has experienced the world already and has nothing new to see. Wehn I was 20, I dated a guy who was 35. He told me a story about being in the Gulf War, and I responded that I had been in first grade at that time. While he was flying fighter jets, I was singing my ABCs! It was too much. Plus he had kids, etc, and I was definitely not interested in being a stepmom at 20. So that ended that. He was hot but not right for me.

    Report Abuse
  • Giz's Avatar
    Posted by Giz Wed Nov 25, 2009 12:55pm PST

    My ex was 13 years older than me. We got along very well and I have a lot more common ground with him than I do with many guys my own age. Although things ultimitely didn't work out, they ended amicably and maturely and we are still good friends. 13 years is the largest age gap I've experienced in the dating world, but I have seldom dated a man who wasn't at least a couple years my senior. The couple of times I tried it, things got messy and irritating to say the least, as the guys turned out wanting/needing a mother, babysitter and/or drinking buddy and not a girlfriend. I have very little in common with both men and women my age. I have been taking care of myself for a long time, don't like partying and going to bars all of the time, own my own home and am more settled down and future/goal oriented than a lot of 26 year olds. At this point, I have very little patience for people who shirk their responsibilities to have fun, drink, party and shop away all their money, do not keep up with world events, refuse to take accountability and basically still act like kids. I am not going to say I am as mature as someone with years more experience than me, because I'm not. I have a lot of growing to do. That said, I am more settled than many people in my age group. I even have trouble spending time with my childhood friends at this point. There just seem to be very few venues where we all feel comfortable. Most of the people I enjoy spending time with at this point are at least in their 30s. I didn't plan it things that way, but I seem to be more comfortable with people of that age group.

    I know some women who date younger men and I generally don't see this as a good thing. Maybe that is because most of the women I know who do this are insecure, trying desperately to find validation in the idea that they are still young and pretty, have never learned to care for themselves and have no desire to do so, live paycheck to paycheck and are self absorbed and clingy. They date younger men because no one decent their own age would ever take them seriously or consider settling down with them and they know it. Dating younger men makes them feel like it's okay to have lived until middle age and have nothing to show for it. Many times I have seen said women get pregnant "accidentially" when they see time ticking away or their guy starts to lose interest in order to trap the still naive young buck. I've only seen one relationship in which the woman was significantly older where this wasn't the case. I'm sure there are many more out there and I should be less judgmental, but I must admit that I am biased against the stability of such unions and the individuals in them.

    Report Abuse
  • Simone's Avatar
    Posted by Simone Wed Nov 25, 2009 2:50pm PST

    I wouldn't date anyone more than 5 years older than me at this point. It seems that any older and our priorities just don't match up.

    Report Abuse
Comments 1-10 of 120

leave your comment

You must sign in to post a comment

Sign In for personalized information

New User? Sign Up

Love Byte

Help! My close friend keeps flirting with my spouse!