I've been in love with this guy for a year now. I hate
his effing guts. He was my first love and I told him this and he
knew it. And he still hurt me so bad. He hurt me so bad that it hit
my soul. If i could rip my heart from my chest, I would. I would
rip it out, stab it, and then shove it down his effing throat.
He'll never understand how it feels to love and be treated like
yet another. I know that I deserve better. And I'm very pretty.
There's no guy that I can't have. But it's only one
that I want. But I dont want to want him. I want to kill him. I
want to demolish his everything. Piece by piece. My heart will
never be the same. And I dont want it to be anyway. I want to hate
him and know that he feels the same. I want to stab all of hell out
of him and then bring him back to life and do it all over again. I
want to make him bleed despair, anxiety, pain and betrayal. I want
to strip him and have him walk around clueless and ashamed and with
no self esteem.
He was my everything, I thought. If he wont love me who will?
I always wondered this. Man.... if I could turn back time and make
it so that I end up at Hixson High my sophomore year, I would.
Anything to make it so that I dont go through the hell i went
through at Brainerd. And what hurts me the most is he sometimes
admits he's wrong, but he will never understand how the hell it
feels to give someone your all and the b------ steps all over you
and twenty other females. I want to get even. I want revenge. But I
dont have the energy to do it. I dont have the energy to cheat
back. All I want to do is leave. I want him to leave and never ever
ever ever come back. I want him to love me so I can deny and reject
and step on him like he did me. I want him to know how the hell it
feels.
---
Broken Hearted Girl
Nov. 23rd Brainerd High School
Diary of a Heart Broken Girl
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From the Community…
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 9:42am PST
Report AbuseI UNDERSATND ALL AND FEEL WHERE YOU COMING FROM BUT I WUD MAKE A WAY TO GET BACK AT HYM IF IMA HURT THE PERSON THAT HURT ME WELL ALSO HURT TOO.
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 9:58am PST
Report Abusei have been through somthing similar but like u said u dnt have the energy to get even jus leave it alone..its not worth it my dude...i was in love with the boy 4 two years an i felt like i was in it alone..i felt like i was the only one given the love somethimes until i got tired..he cheated so much he got upset when i did the same 2 him i 4gave him but once your hurt by the one u love its never the same never give up on yourself theres som1 out there that will want u the way u want to be wanted get over him dont hate him it will jus make u sadder cause as much as your thinkin bout hatin him hes out with another girl no even thinkin bout u but if u were good 2 him he mite miss u wen ur gne ...but dnt pay him no mind when that new grl he got do him like he did u cause karma is true an it will cum to bite him n the ass..so girl live your life get over him yea its gne b hard but u gotta do it..ur 2 young 2 be all sad an s---
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 10:24am PST
Report AbuseAnytime you love, you open yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt. If you do get hurt, the trick is to learn something positive from it and not to let the pain and anger that you feel run your life. Wanting to get or getting even and wishing that bad things would happen to the person who hurt you is actually YOU continuing to HURT YOURSELF. Turn that negative energy into something positive! Do not lower yourself to this guy's level by seeking revenge. Revenge will only make you feel better for about 5 seconds, then it will make you feel like a fool. Rise above the pain that he has caused and simply walk away from the situation with your head high and knowing that this guy is the ultimate loser. He lost you! Do not allow this guy to know that he had such a powerful effect on you. Realize that at some point in his life, he will get what he deserves. Do not allow his weak actions to turn you into a person who is filled with hate and anger. He is not worth wasting any more of your energy on. You are a better person than that!
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 10:41am PST
Report AbuseEnggie, you are right.And i agree with you.
He's not worth it, so move on.
Get him out of your mind. Delete his cell number or change your phone number.
Do anything that will get your mind off him. Oh and Thanksgiving is around the corner, so this is a great time to be with family and friends: people who care about you.
It's okay to feel this way. That is what makes you human in the first place.
Forget him and move on.
Take care.
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 10:58am PST
Report Abusesounds like someone i know. have you told him how he has made you feel? cant speak for all guys but most of us are pretty stupit. see what i mean. i've done my ladie wrong, but do you really want to keep this neg.energy around? if you want to hurt him , then just send him packing and hid neg. energy too! oops!did it again. i ment "him" and it's stupid. lol or just smile , you will feel better :-).
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 10:59am PST
Report AbuseOHH KAY '''i have been thought once bee4 and its like you cant let a men get you to the point to were you u start 2 fell bad about about yyour self that shyt is not is not cool at all so if he's not good for u should leave him
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 1:19pm PST
Report AbuseYour giving him to much power over your life and emotions, dont let that happen. Get back in control.
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 2:36pm PST
Report AbuseChica,
Hating him and the revenge won't take the pain away. Trust me. Trust me you'll get over it. Every girl goes through this, your not the first to feel the pain you feel. Your just lucky you survived. Some don't get to where you are... they don't get to feel the hate and anger you feel towards him. Trust me I'm a junior and Love always finds a way even if it's not with the person you thought you loved so dearly. But this is why you never give your whole heart to anyone but God Humans have a way that can kill.They can cut your heart into pieces and you will think you can never out it back together. So don't ever give your whole heart to anyone because thats why it hurts so much when they drop you, when they leave you for another. I hope you can get over this quickly. Oh and you might want to try to forgive him in your heart. I know that will be hard too. Forgiveness will take some of that pain away too even though it doesn't seem like it will.Ifyou need any more advice come to my blog and comment me.~ Miz D.
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Posted by Mon Nov 23, 2009 3:47pm PST
Report AbuseI agree. Getting revenge only makes you look and feel like a fool in the end. And you don't want him to win. He is a loser, and you are not a loser! You are a winner and you can do and will do better. Move on and remember who you are and he can't take that away from you ever! Eventually your heart will heal, and you will be glad he is gone, and someday, you will think about him, and think, "What was his name? I don't remember his name." Trust me, someone better is out there!
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Posted by Tue Nov 24, 2009 11:14am PST
Report Abusewow i may be bipolar. I love how you guys commented on my blog.... thanks so much for the support and the time you guys took to just simply write me back.
but i hate how we all know how this feels.... i hate how we all know how it feels to have a broken heart. Why is it always us that gets hurt??? Dam i wish the shoe was on the other foot. This situation makes me not ever believe in love again. Just foolishly getting attached for no reason whatsoever. Knowing that he may or may not feel the same and that he could cheat as well as you can and that this may or may not be a game to him.
I'm so hard now that when a guy comments on me, I dont even care. No giggles or feelings whatsoever. I give up. I'm tired of being hurt. From everyone, not just him. Bestfriends and all.
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