Love + Sex

Friday, December 4, 2009

Do You Ever Feel Like You’re Making Excuses For a Guy, When Really You’re Just Reporting What He Said?

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Kelli and her daughter Finley: they will always make time for me!

Today I am leaving my family in San Diego and flying back to NYC. It was great seeing friends and relatives, and being able to work on my tan.

When I visited my friend Kelli, she asked me how my dinner was with Kiptyn (she knew him in high school). I said, “Oh, he said he was busy getting ready to leave town for three weeks, so we postponed it to lunch today, but you know, time got away…” and listening to myself, I just sounded so lame. I seemed to be making excuses for the guy, when really I was just repeating what he’d said. Then I was like, “It’s fine, I don’t care…”—so Kelli wouldn’t think I put up with flakiness—which sounded bad as well. What’s a girl to do? I guess you don’t ever tell people your plans, in case the guy flakes, and then you don’t have to tell them why he flaked or act like you approve when really you’re just reporting the facts.

Related: Are These Sex and Relationship Scenarios Sexy or Scary?

I think we ladies find ourselves in this position more often than guys, if only because we put a higher priority on dating than men do. A recent study found that men are more motivated by money than women are, and women are motivated by things like family. Which means we make plans to see men and the men cancel those plans in order to go make money. Ha! It all seems so simple now. (Related: Is Ambition Antithetical to Love?)

Do you ever feel like you’re explaining what a guy said, and it sounds like you’re making excuses for him? When really he was the one making excuses? But because you’re saying it, it’s like you’re somehow on board with it or happy to put up with it, even though you’re just repeating it? Am I weird?

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Comments 1 of 1
  • anh's Avatar
    Posted by anh Thu Oct 29, 2009 1:43pm PDT

    Honesty doesn't have to be rude or insensitive; I think that's why most people avoid telling the truth--it might have to do with how they were raised, too. You can tell your partner they need to be responsible for the outcome of their behavior by letting them know their options, too. Working through any problems together is the "glue" that keeps them healthy!

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