Do You Hate Your Friends' Significant Other?

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  Posted by Kelvin J Fri Jul 31, 2009 10:51am PDT

  I would be one of those a**holes that pulls my friend aside to point out to him what he is not seeing. There is alot of tact to doing this and really something you shouldn't do after shots or too much drinking but we all know how that commons sense filter can disappear after a few. Its just lessons learned, i had a friend who married the wrong guy. We all knew it but we kept our mouths shut. Her family on the other hand didn't. She blew them off as being not open minded, and that noone would ever be good enough in their eyes. By not backing up her family on what we knew was a bad, she had a horrible 2 years of marriage, a few STDs because he cheated on her, lost thousands of dollars to support him, domestic abuse and restraining orders.

  So If I'm ever in a situation like this again I will definitely be the d---- friend that speaks out.

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  Posted by AmandaC Fri Jul 31, 2009 11:12am PDT

  Hey Kelvin Sorry about your friend, that really sucks.

  But in general, I don't know if I would say anything. I might try in the beginning to tell him/her that something is wrong. But most people need to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Most likely they won't take your advice and they'll just end up being mad at you or resenting you. I think the best thing to do is support them when they need you.

  But then on the flip side, if I really knew that there was cheating or abuse going on, and it wasn't just a dislike of the other person, I would definitely say something.

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  Posted by stephanie Fri Jul 31, 2009 12:19pm PDT

  No I don't hate my friend's significant other. But one of her exs I could not stand. We were always arguing. Her relationship with her ex was very stressful on her. Now she is better with the guy she is with.

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  Posted by Doktor Eevol Fri Jul 31, 2009 3:19pm PDT

  I would give my honest opinion, PRIVATELY, and before ANY festivities at all.

  There's absolutely NO reason for friends to publicly gang up on someone, just because they don't like their SO. Especially on a night that's reserved for well intentioned frivolity.

  If there's an issue like cheating or abuse, I would definitely intervene if I knew I had all the facts.

  But regardless of how I feel about the SO, it's THEIR love, THEIR choice to stay with them for as long as they see fit. Ergo, I am not expecting to change any minds. My ability to remain supportive will depend on how much THEY BOTH strain my tolerance with any unnecessary drama.

  Of course, it helps to choose friends who have their heads screwed on straight in the first place.

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  Posted by pwsgirl Fri Jul 31, 2009 5:36pm PDT

  I tried relentless to warn my best friend about the guy she married some 19 years ago. He turned out to not only an abuser, but an adulterer as well. Unfortunately, after almost five years of marriage, she got smart and divorced him after he got another woman pregnant! She has now been married to a wonderful man for 10 years and is very agreeable when I lovingly say, "I told you so!"

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  Posted by Angela Fri Jul 31, 2009 9:16pm PDT

  A good friend of mine got divorced a few years ago. On the phone, she was complaining about how much she hated her ex, and asked why I didn't stop her?

  Well, I didn't stop her, because when she got married, all she wanted was to get married, and to marry him. I didn't want to alienate my friend and her new husband. Instead, I supported her, because I knew there was no way of keeping her from doing what she had her heart set on.

  She recently got remarried. She made me promise that I would tell her if I didn't like any of the new people she dated after she got divorced. I didn't like any of them. I thought she was setting herself up for disaster. However, it's a fine line to walk. I can't live her life.

  Instead of bluntly telling her she was about to screw her life up all over again, I tried asking her questions to help her look at the situation. Still, she only saw what she wanted to. I repeatedly suggested counseling.

  The man she married has all the same issues as her ex-husband. He even has the exact same job. I like her new husband less than her old husband. When she asks me what she should do, I continue to tell her to go to counseling, because it's obvious she isn't interested in what I really have to say.

  We aren't as close as we used to be because of this. When she talks to me, all she wants to do is complain about her marriage and both of her husbands. She's the "help rejecting complainer", and frankly, I get sick of listening to her.

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  Posted by raul63 Sat Aug 1, 2009 6:09am PDT

  my opinion is its none of your buisness cause their gonna do what they want anyway so just be there for them thick or thin cause ITS NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS ANYWAY and all the a-holes that think it is its cause you have no life!!!!!!!

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  Posted by KittyKat Sat Aug 1, 2009 2:09pm PDT

  I like the fact that you didnt hire any strippers for the party.

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  Posted by patricia Sat Aug 1, 2009 6:28pm PDT

  Yes! Yes! Yes! And is she trying to get out ? Its taken her years to see him for what his worth NOTHING!!!!! I hope the best forr my best friend but come on, she a great person loves everyone, goes out her way sometime to be there for you, but his the type of person she don't want her friends to witness how bad he treat her. her life style has change because of him, his a dead beat i hate him for how he treat my best friend. I hope that if you have best friend that a little advice wouldn't hurt them in the long run .

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  Posted by tressa Sun Aug 2, 2009 11:00am PDT

  I have several friendly co-workers who married odd men who now complain about everything and wonder what happened. And to make things even stranger, these women look down on my being single.....suggesting that I would be better off married. Geez!!! Mostly I have stopped sociallizing with them because all they do is complain about their men.....I knew them before they got married and they have changed from outgoing, happy types to whiners and complainers. I don't get it.

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