Recently, I wrote an essay in a very public forum about a past relationship. I know, I know, I do that all the time here, exploring the awkward, the anecdotal, the everything, but this blog doesn't have my full name attached, and, as such, feels more private, as if I'm speaking to a large (virtual) circle of friends. This particular essay, on the other hand, used my real name-first and last-and the guy's real first name. For the month after it was published, I held my breath, both hoping and not hoping the guy in question would read it.
Thankfully, while plenty of other ghosts from the past (ex-roommates, middle school english teachers, my best friend from first grade's mom) found it, he didn't. And while I was proud of the piece, I still felt a little guilty, that I had in some way, betrayed him. And, strictly speaking, I did. And, even more strictly speaking, I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Sometimes I wonder if I'd have better luck, relationship wise, if I didn't talk so much about what was going on, as it was happening. I say I do this because I'm a writer, but I don't think that's entirely correct. It doesn't take too much analyzing to realize that, more likely than not, I'm doing it because dating is inherently so full of uncertainty and roasting someone behind their back-talking about a gross habit, a bad date, etc, etc, etc-to other people at least makes you feel less alone.
And I'm not alone. I feel everyone does that in the beginning of a relationship-picks apart their potential partner in front of their friends, analyzes their weird tics and confessions-and, when observing my friends, I always find it so interesting and telling when that stops; when suddenly, their relationship and what goes on behind closed doors becomes more or less private.
For the most part, I'm fine-ish with living out loud. But I'm still trying to navigate the somewhat tenuous line between PRIVATE PRIVATE and personal, but not private.
What about you? Do you have any tips for how to keep the balance in check when it comes to talking about your romantic/sex life?
Posted by Alice
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