I only just noticed this lately, and it really got me to
thinking. There are tons of articles about how to "spice
up your sex life", which isn't surprising.
What's interesting is that many of these articles are written
in a way that implies "Your sex life is boring, you better do
something to make it interesting again or else!" I
always read about people who say they've "fallen into a
rut" or are trying to "recapture that spark".
So is "trying new things in bed" synonymous with
"we're dissatisfied with our current sex life and find it
boring"?
It seems there are two main ways to treat the subject of
experimenting in bed. The first view would be that couples
only resort to trying new things because their relationship has
gotten stale, and they're trying to revive it. By this
reasoning, a couple that had a really good relationship and were
madly in love would never need to try different things in bed,
since their connection goes beyond sex. Regular missionary
would be sufficient.
The second view would be that couples who try new things in bed are
very comfortable with each other and love each other greatly.
Couples who try new things want to experience each other in every
way possible and are comfortable being unconventional; couples who
don't try new things have not reached that level of intimacy
that lets them feel free to experiment together.
I feel like it can't possibly be so clear cut in real life
though. After all, there must be couples who enjoy nice
romantic missionary sex just as much as wild "break out the
whipped cream and scarves" type sex, right? Wouldn't
it all depend on your mood? At least, that's how I see it
working for me.
It just seems that I only read about "sex tips" in the
context of the first view, though. I've never been
married, so I don't think I can comment too much on married
relationships and whether or not this is accurate. What do
you think? I'd appreciate thoughts from married/unmarried
readers!
Does trying to spice up your sex life mean your relationship needs help?
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Comments 1-4 of 4
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Posted by Tue Nov 18, 2008 6:07am PST
Report AbuseIts all about how your relationship is with your partner, what you said does hit the nail on the head for the most part...
True intimacy doesnt involve sex!
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Posted by Tue Nov 18, 2008 2:58pm PST
Report AbuseExactly Tiffany, each couple/.relationship is different, maybe everything is fine but, with work, kids, car pooling and so on, sex get's put on the back burner or has become routine. Not saying that it's not good, just sort of normal, it doesn't mean that your relationship has gone south especially if neither of you are complaining. There is nothing wrong with experimenting, trying something new, and yes true intimacy doesn't 'have' to involve sex, I think the articles are just talking about ways to 'spice' things up in case you get caught up in life, not meaning you and your partner are in a rut or close to divorce because you don't please each other anymore. My hubby and I have been married for eleven years, and yes we find ways to spice up our love making not because it's bad but because we want too, we like being spontaneous, romantic, intimate and freaky, but with kids, work and so on, sometimes it's not so easy. Spicing it up could be a good middle of the night or early morning quickie no matter what position, something out of the norm.
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Posted by Wed Nov 19, 2008 4:57am PST
Report AbuseI am 57 years old and I love sex. I was married for 32 years before my husband passed away at 50. He was disabled and we always had a very active sex life until his medical problems caused no sex. I had convinced myself because of his issues that I didn't need sex anymore. Well when I first started dating I found out that oh my god sex was still great. I have been with the same guy now for 4 yrs he is a truck driver and whenever he is in town the sex is wonderful and we are like teenagers everytime we are together,we can't get enough of each other.He says he has never been with anyone that likes sex the way I do.He said once "did you ever think 25 years ago that you would still like sex like this?" I always have said that if a women says she doesn't like sex then she has never had sex with the right man,he would make sure that it was good for her then she would like it anytime. I also think a women should not holdd back her true feelings about sex,let go it will be the best ever.Be open tell your partner where and how you like to be touched it will make it so good. Well I've said enough and my lover won't be here for a couple of weeks but when he gets here I will be ready. Good luck finding your lover and friend like I have and I hope 25 years from now I am still alive and still having great sex.
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Comments 1-4 of 4
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