A friend of mine is also friends with her ex's second wife.
Part of the connection revolves around sitting around and chewing
the cud over all the bad habits the "ex" has, and sharing
how she "knows all about" this person.
I got to thinking about this, the other day.
Are our exes really "experts" on us? I concluded
that if they are, only in a limited way.
I keep thinking about my dad. My dad was a completely different
person around my mom, than he was around the woman he
subsequently fell in love with, and lived out his life with. He
didn't stop liking rare steak or the color blue... but his
vibe was different. His frequent rages, were no more. His
disappearing into his workshop after work... an infrequent event,
now.
To the degree our exes are "experts" on us (and we, on
them), it's limited to the dynamic between two people, not a
"global" dynamic.
When someone says (of their ex) "Oh, I can tell you about
ALL his/her faults and foibles!" I no longer believe
that.
And my reply is "No, you can't. All you can tell me is
about his/her foibles IN RELATION TO YOU."
As human beings-- and perhaps moreso as someone's
"ex"-- this is perhaps a truth we don't like looking
at. Because we have to look at-- and become accountable
for-- OUR part of the breakdown of the dynamic of the
relationship. And then, we have to face the reality that maybe we
were not "all that," in some ways... and our
"replacement" really IS a better choice for our ex.
Exes, Insights and What We Know
user
- Let’s talk: Comment (5) | Blog
- Email to a Friend
- Print this Page
Syndication:
From the Community…
Comments 1-5 of 5
-
Posted by Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:44pm PST
Report Abusethe best thing that ever happened was realizing how smart it was to leave because NO woman was fake enough, crazy enough, etc. to 'satisfy' him!
-
Posted by Sat Nov 21, 2009 7:25am PST
Report AbuseNot only is is my perception limited to the dynamics of the relationship. But also my limited perception of who that person really is. I've made some incredibly desperate choices based out of lonliness,and then was hurt when things did not work out. My responsibility is to find out what type of relationship I really want and base my decisions on that. Honest communication is the truth,not what I think the truth is.
-
Posted by Sat Nov 21, 2009 7:57am PST
Report AbuseThey are an ex for a reason and whether that reason is more mostly them or you or a combination of both lies totally on where you are at today emotionally/mentally/physically and who you are with.
-
Posted by Sat Nov 21, 2009 3:19pm PST
Report AbuseI absolutely agree with your post. I do believe we are almost like different people depending on the relationship we are in at the time. Some people bring out the best qualities in us-others the worst. Your exes only claim to "knowing" you is knowing you in a relationship with them. Some people are just "better" people when they are with the right person. Great thoughts-Thanks for sharing.
-
Posted by Sun Nov 29, 2009 6:03am PST
Report AbuseEXACTLY!!!! ex's should never be allowed to discuss their experience as our bf with anyone especially with a new bf. nothing angers me more then to have an EX. play the all knowing of you to a new bf of yours, when in reality your EX never even took the time to even really get to know the real you. and now that your not together they act like like someone with wisdom...NOT! THATS CAUSE THEY DONT WANT TO SEE US SUCEED WITH ANYONE ELSE..It's the ol' simple jealousy, childish, immature thing that some jerks can't help theirselves from being. can't let it bother you though- cause as long as you know its not the truth of who you are. and anyone who listens to anyones EX as far as oppinions of that person goes then i wouldd'nt worry to much about their opinion either....! in reality the only person who really knows who i am is ME!! have a wonderful day today and never allow anyone that much control over you!
Comments 1-5 of 5
leave your comment
You must sign in to post a comment