This Is going to be the first of many entries I plan to write .
First off my name Is Tony . I live In all fired up Southern
California . And I am a complete dummy when It comes to computers .
I am a person who Is unabashedly honest . And I always say what I
think or feel because If I cannot be me , what Is the point ? Today
I want to talk about falling In love and how much I hate It . Most
of the time when I Interact with most people I feel self assured .
I am a reasonably Intelligent Individual , I have a pretty good
sense of humor and communicate and Interact with most people pretty
well .
But there Is one woman who has had my
heart from the first day I saw her . I am an old fashioned romantic
who still believes In love at first sight , kinda like In the
movies .And of late I have had fairly good Interaction with the
object of my affection , she Is a co worker which I realize Is not
always wise , but the heart wants what the heart wants , so what
can I say ? And when I get around her all the self assurance I have
as a man goes completely out the window , I become a little more
unsure of myself ,I sometimes get nervous as I want her to like me
. I feel Inadequate , because I know that I want to be a better man
than I am because of her . I do little things for her not because I
am trying to buy her love . I do them for her because I want to
show her I care . I want to show her I am paying attention and that
I am listening when she talks . I want to show her I am dependable
and that I can be counted on ! If that Is one trait I have always
had It Is that If I care about you , you can depend on me like you
can depend on the sun coming up ! But I have been around long
enough to know that life Is not like the movies .
So this Is why I hate falling In love . It sucks ! It has turned me
Into a nervous wreck . I can barely concentrate on the box scores
for baseball when I read the paper , I have fortunately still just
enough concentration skills that I have not crashed my car on my
way to and from work as thinking of her pre occupies the bulk of my
time . And I wonder what It Is that I have to do to win her heart !
I have never been a playuh , I do not have enough money or flash
for such a thing ! All I have Is a sincere heart and some good
morals and values to list as my assets ! I hope that might be
enough . This Is a prime example of why I hate falling In love .
Because normally I can just go about the business of my day with
relative smoothness and effeiency . And I still do , but It just
seems like more of a struggle . Because I know that I may not get
my way on this particular situation so that fear of rejection
always seems like It Is gnawing at me ever so quietly . I just miss
the days where all I had to worry about was gettin some food In the
fridge , and whether my fantasy football team Is gonna win big this
year . I already miss those days . I know they might return
down the line , but for now I just think about what It would be
like to hold her little hand and look Into her eyes and kiss her. I
HATE IT !
I
guess maybe I share this with you for therapeutic purposes . I need
to unload what Is going on Inside of me somehere . I write a blog
on another site too , but I am reserving this blog for writing
about what Is going on between my ears and In my heart .
Normally I can be a
pretty snarky and sarcastic Individual . Today as with the rest of
my sarcastic personality , that Is all gone . Today I am a solitary
man with his heart In his hand . I will tell her one day , because
as a friend of mine says " If you never take a chance In life
you do not have one ! " And I firmly believe that . So I have
gone from a basically emotionally unattached man . Into a nervous
and vulnerable person who can barely tie his shoes right now .
Whatever the outcome may be In this situation I know I have the
Internal wherewithall to accept . But for now I just have to accept
that I am a blathering geek with love on his mind and hope that I
may win her heart . This Is why I hate falling In love , It has
tuned me Into someone I barely recognize , It has made me a wreck .
And I just gotta ride out this storm of emotions . Thank God
football season Is coming soon !
You can read my other blog on HUBPAGES !! As Tony0724
Falling In love sucks !
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From the Community…
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Posted by Wed Sep 2, 2009 8:10am PDT
Report AbuseGod, you sound like the prefict man that all girls want!!!!!!
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Posted by Wed Sep 2, 2009 9:36pm PDT
Report AbuseBambu thank you for the kind words . I am far from perfect but I do believe I am a good man . As for your question , what kind of woman am I looking for , just one who Is kind and loyal and loving and funny. She does not have to look like a model , because I know I don,t .
However I hope she Is out there . Like I said this girl Is who my heart longs for now and being a loner primarily It Is quite an adjustment for me. But I am a romantic at heart ! Thx for checking In Bambi .
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Posted by Thu Sep 3, 2009 6:04am PDT
Report AbuseYes you are old fashoined and that's ok! There aren't that many men like this anymore. Tony I am not trying to be harsh on you but...You are trying to hard to have someone love you! You are afraid of the rejection that she might give to you if you ask her out. Don't be afraid of love because it can be a beautiful thing! First of all know that you need to love yourself before you can love another. Accept you for you and what you can offer a woman! (you already know this too)
Ask her out and don't be afraid. If she has already said no...then she's not really looking for all the good you do for her. She's not seeing the real man that you are.
I wish you luck and hope that you will one day find your true love and happiness! Trust in the Lord and he will see you through!
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Posted by Thu Sep 3, 2009 7:17am PDT
Report AbuseThank you Devotion72 . Am I trying to hard ,maybe. What I do know Is that I can sense she got hurt somewhere In the past here . So she has alot of walls up. So the first thing I need to do Is earn her trust. If I just wanted to get laid I can do that , I have moved beyond that point now . Thx for the peptalk though .
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Posted by Thu Sep 3, 2009 1:15pm PDT
Report AbuseYes that is so true about earning her trust! My boyfriend and I were best friends at first! I didn't trust him or any man for that matter. I had a wall put up as well! I learned to take this down when I learned to love me first and ask God to heal me! It worked I learned that no matter what I tried and I had to stop blamming myself for the broken hearts! I had to fully give into myself. I think the best thing for you is to give her confidence. Take her out and tell her it's not a date but time to just get away and have some fun with friends kid of thing. Maybe that will work.
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Posted by Thu Sep 3, 2009 1:48pm PDT
Report AbuseBy the way...Read my blog. "A BEATIFUL HEART" It seems to help some.
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Posted by Thu Sep 3, 2009 2:21pm PDT
Report AbuseThank you Devotion I will be looking Into your post on " A beautiful Heart " . I always trust a woman, s perspective on women way more then a mans !
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