Love + Sex

Monday, December 14, 2009

Five Guys Reveal What They Think About Girls Doing "The Reach"...

http://blogs.e-rockford.com/askgeo/files/2009/08/restaurant-check.jpg
When you're on a first date and the waiter brings the check, a whopping 50% of you (myself included!) do the old "reach" for your wallets but let the guy pay. So, I started wondering, what do men think of the reach? Do they appreciate the polite gesture? Or not so much?

Here, five guys reveal what they really think of "the reach"...

Guy #1: "The reach is transparent, yes, but necessary. It seems entitled to not make some gesture to help pay, even if the girl knows the guy won't actually take her up on it. It's just an awkward moment all around, though, and you can't escape it."

Guy #2: "I want her to do a blatantly ceremonial reach. The guy should always pay on the first date; it's part of the old-fashioned mating dance. I don't care about 'this economy'; the economy of romance hasn't changed."

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Guy #3: "If the 'reach' is obviously insincere, then I consider it to be a bunch of B.S. and a telling sign that the girl isn't as straightforward as I'd like her to be. I'm very open and likely would have already told her that I was paying prior to the meal. If she balked at the idea and demanded to contribute half of the funds, then before the meal is the right time to make her stance known. After the meal is over, the only stance I want her in is...well...I'll stop there."

Guy #4: "I generally appreciate the reach. In certain minority cases the onus might fall on the woman to pay (like if she clearly asked the guy out), ergo the emergence of the lesser known 'male reach.' I would make the finer point that there's a noticeable difference between the more common 'reach' bluff and a bone fide 'reach' with a serious intention to split the check. Obviously, I give more credit for the latter."

Guy #5: "The reach for the check, I'm presuming we're discussing? I would never discourage other end of date 'reaches.' I appreciate the gesture, but do not mind at all if it's skipped on a first date. A lack of 'thank you' is a bit poor form, in my opinion, but also excusable--once. Two times with no acknowledgment is a deal breaker."

Ha, thanks, boys! Ladies, did any of these answers surprise you? Are you a tried-and-true reacher? Or do you prefer to just split the bill and call it a day?

Related: 10 Things He's Thinking When You're Naked

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Comments 1-10 of 59
  • "Mama Kaye"'s Avatar
    Posted by "Mama Kaye" Fri Oct 16, 2009 12:01pm PDT

    If he ask me...he pays.

    If I ask him...I pay.

    Simple...uncomplicated.

    No need for "the reach".

    And ps...I am not a "young modern"

    63 years old this Novemner!

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  • __A_YAHOO_USER__'s Avatar
    Posted by __A_YAHOO_USER__ Fri Oct 16, 2009 12:19pm PDT

    some guys will let the women pay for all the dates.... :P

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  • princess's Avatar
    Posted by princess Fri Oct 16, 2009 12:38pm PDT

    I have to agree with guy #2...I'm an old fashioned type of girl. If a guy asks' me out, its only fair that HE pays on the 1st date. Actually, the guy SHOULD ALWAYS pay on the 1st date, period. Then, after the 1st date or two, the female can OFFER to pay. I feel that if a Lady is financially independent enough to pay for the date, then thats great, but, in general I tend to feel that MOST dates should be paid for by the GUY! Sorry fellas, just my opinion!

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  • sara's Avatar
    Posted by sara Fri Oct 16, 2009 12:42pm PDT

    ew--glad i never dealt with this scene.

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  • urassismine2's Avatar
    Posted by urassismine2 Fri Oct 16, 2009 1:19pm PDT

    Umm,.. you late comers to this topic need to go to the earlier post on this subject(3 to 5 pgs.). You will get an education on this subject about the new,..you...just a thought("powder girl" is all over this one)

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  • Joey's Avatar
    Posted by Joey Fri Oct 16, 2009 1:28pm PDT

    In my single days (which wasn't THAT long ago), I expected the guy to pay if he asked me out. But I always offered to leave the tip.

    If the relationship progressed, then I would ask him out and pay for both of us when I did the asking.

    I never asked a guy out on the first date. If a guy wasn't interested enough to do the asking, I wasn't interested in him.

    Glad those days are over. First dates are always so uncomfortable. Too bad there aren't set rules anymore.

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  • Highness's Avatar
    Posted by Highness Fri Oct 16, 2009 2:16pm PDT

    I NEVER do the 'reach'! If he asked me out he had better intend to pay. If I ask him out, I pay; no talking me out of it, he can ask me out next time if he feels emasculated.

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  • original gman's Avatar
    Posted by original gman Fri Oct 16, 2009 2:48pm PDT

    urassismine2 is correct that we beat this to death already. Not sure about the education part. I pay the check it is my responsibility. No matter who invited.

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  • Britt's Avatar
    Posted by Britt Fri Oct 16, 2009 3:02pm PDT

    Part of this is just how I was raised, I'm sure.

    When I was dating, I would not reach for the check on a first date. I'm not full of myself, but I do expect a man to respect me enough to pay for my food. If I ordered a few alcoholic drinks, I'm willing to chip in, but if you can't afford to take a new girl on a real date, don't bother asking.

    If I suggest another date, I'll try to pay at least my part of the bill.

    If I asked to take him on another date, then I would plan on paying. And I wouldn't ask to treat him if I couldn't afford it.

    I probably also wouldn't be interested in a guy who thinks a girl "owes" it to him to reach for the check at ANY point. Like I said though, I'm sure a lot of that is how I was raised. :)

    I'll definitely teach my boys that they better respect their dates the same way.

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  • Chezare's Avatar
    Posted by Chezare Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:12pm PDT

    If the guy asked the girl out, than he should definitely pay and the awkward reach should not be necessary, though appreciated. Actually, he should cover all expenses that night and on the second date. As a guy, I appreciate when the girl makes a sincere offer to split the bill, leave the tip or pay for the next round of drinks. But my experience recently has been that girls don't pay for anything, even after the fourth or fifth date. They won't even buy me a drink, which is a huge turn off & disappointment...where have all the gentlewomen gone??

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