Love + Sex
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Five Things I’m Not Crazy About My Pregnant Wife’s New Body
user
Now that
I've told you what I love about my pregnant wife's new
body. Here's what I don't...
- The belly. I love what’s inside it obviously. And the bigness
doesn’t even bother me. It’s the fact that missionary sex is out of
the question. And I happen to be a longtime fan of the missionary
position.
- The cramped lungs. What with all the grunting and heavy
breathing, every time she rolls over in bed it’s like a Romanian
Olympian is doing the clean and jerk.
- The itchy legs. It’s called Restless Leg Syndrome. You may have
seen the commercials for the prescription medicine that treats it
on TV and wondered if it was real. Well it is. Just try to sit
through ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ with someone who has it.
(5
lies women tell each other about pregnancy.)
- The spider veins. They came out the first trimester.
They're kind of scary looking, and it makes me worry about
her!
All that said, however, I'm the one who did this to her, so
I really have nothing to complain about.
Related:
The Best and Worst Sex Advice of the Last 70
Years!
MORE FROM MARRIED JAKE:
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Posted by Maria Wed Mar 4, 2009 6:11pm PST
I also got spider veins while pregnant with my son. They are generally harmless, the reason for them is that the pressure on the uterus from the baby is restricting blood flow somewhat. The good news is you can lessen the aches by raising your legs for ten minutes a day. Wearing support pantyhose also helps. The bad news is that once you get them, they never go away. Each pregnancy also tends to create new ones... However, the leg raises might also help with the itching. (That's probably also caused by poor circulation.)
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Posted by David W Thu Mar 5, 2009 2:55am PST
I FIND NOTHING MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN A PREGNANT WOMAN.
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Posted by C Thu Mar 5, 2009 4:11am PST
I'm sure my husband felt the same about a couple of the items, but he never ever made a peep about it ;-).
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Posted by None Thu Mar 5, 2009 6:05am PST
Wow, some of those things are so damn superficial, seems as if you are a jerk! Get over it, and I am assuming, you wanted the kid, men want kids, yet don't want to take care of them, and have the wife change form, its called reality, not perfect land, I hope your wife does not read your blogs and you are much more sensitive to her, this is the most important time for her! Be a supportive husband, a---- , cuz if she stresses, all that is fed to the kid in the belly, that's why I am never having kids, because men are very ungrateful, and plus I can't stand them LOL, my two dogs will do very well thank you!
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Posted by None Thu Mar 5, 2009 6:06am PST
Sounds like if she doesn't lose her excess weight like the actresses in a month, you are gonna start nit picking at her, don't you know pregancy = fat loose woman? That is the risk you took to having kids.
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Posted by Katie Thu Mar 5, 2009 6:15am PST
to none.... preganny is a beautiful thing.. and to the author of this blog... its ok to have worries like yours... these things come and go... you just have to be willing to acceptt it
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Posted by latinlady Thu Mar 5, 2009 6:31am PST
I hate my big, huge body right now (32 weeks prego) but my husband loves it. He rubs my belly, tells me how sexy I look. Like the author, he tells me he sometimes just doesn't know how or where to touch me because I complain of the aches and pains. All in all, he has been a wonderful husband about his hormonal, pregnant wife and that is why I love him.
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Posted by sita Thu Mar 5, 2009 6:47am PST
wow!!! please do NOT listen to the negativity. If some people are more happy with their dogs then more power to them, I'm glad. But if that was me it doesn't mean I would have to go hating on someone for talking about his pregnant wife. And frankly I don't think he's being ungrateful, I actually think he's being super honest, something I'm sure his wife appreciates. I read your first article and thought it was cute, I like how this one just goes to show that sometimes it's not all glowing skin and big boobs... but it sounds like you are genuinely concerned about your wife, so props!!! Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy and I wish you the best for your future family! =D
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Posted by Starwars196673 Thu Mar 5, 2009 7:01am PST
IM 13 WEEKS AND 2 DAYS PREGNANT AND JUST NOW START SHOWING SOME IT'S NOT BAD LOOKING I LOVE THE WAY I LOOK AND MY FIANCEE LOVE THE WAY I AM.
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Posted by Missy S Thu Mar 5, 2009 7:46am PST
I don't take offense to this whatsoever! He's not being superficial, he's probably never seen his wife's body change so much. Good luck with the new little one!
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