My friend Alexandra just had the most awful experience. She went out with a guy who seemed like the most thoughtful, polite guy in the world, but ended up being basically the biggest misogynist she’s ever met. She said he was one degree removed from being the Preppy Murderer. We went out for dinner the other night and talked and came up with a series of signs that might indicate you’re in for a bait-and-switch like this.
1) He won’t let you open any door — car, restaurant, your own apartment — but you get the sense he’s not completely listening to you. Opening doors can either be polite, or it can be a power play. Keep your eye out.
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2) He’s the kind of guy who calls your father “sir,” but isn't the kind of guy who might actually want to know anything about your father. Unless he’s in the military, calling someone sir is suspect enough. But if he’s the kind of guy who does it without having that underlying, genuine sense of respect it’s a sign you’re dealing with a class-A manipulator.\
3) He likes the show ‘Mad Men’ a little too much. For lots of men I know, it’s a lifestyle set-piece about a world where women should be seen and not heard.
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4) He refers to you, either while speaking to you or someone else, as “miss.” The guy my friend went out with said to the waitress at dinner, “Miss Alex here will have the pan-seared halibut.”
5) He orders your pan-seared halibut for you, and he doesn’t make a joke about the fact that he's ordering your dinner; sure, this one can go either way, but again it's what's behind it. If it feels less like someone’s trying to do something nice for you than that someone’s trying to put you in your place... well, that's not good.
Do you know this type of guy? Mr. Light Your Cigarette? Have you ever met him? Is there such a thing as too chivalrous?
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