Love + Sex

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Four Guys To Rid From Your Dating Diet

Poor dating habits are no different than crummy diet choices. We know we should grab an apple instead of a Snickers, and we know After Midnight Booty Caller's number should be replaced by an option who's aware of our existence when the sun's out. But like a carton of leftover Chinese food and a glistening pint of Ben and Jerry's, sometimes it takes as much will power to shelve the Go Nowhere men as it does the Go Straight To Your Thighs food. Here's a list of dating diet no-nos to clean out of your pantry immediately. Read: Dating Advice From Tila Tequila (It's Good!)

1.) The Hot And Sour Soup Guy

One minute you're his soul mate, the next he forgets your birthday. The first weekend of the month you're the future mother of his unborn children, and by the third it's as if you never existed. While in the beginning this brand can be all absorbing—afterall, when it's hot it's SIZZLING—but the cold, not too unlike being trapped in a tortuous windy shade, is a discomfort that's unparalleled. Worth it? We think not. Pour this option down the drain. Read: Winning Him Back: Should You Do It?

2.) The Late Night Binger

This one's just empty calories. He only calls (or texts, let's be real) when Letterman's finished and the lights are out.  Sure you could stumble out of bed and unlock the door, but why? Save up those extra fat grams for the next morning, when someone is at least thoughtful enough to shoot you a mid-morning e-mail.

3.) Drunky McDrunkstein Six Pack

Ever notice how this guy is always drunk? God, you wonder, how does he do it? Whether it be those never-ending Bloody Mary brunches or the times you meet him for after work drinks and—wow—he's already smashed. Don't pick up the extra six-pack; wouldn't you rather acquire bloat from a substantial meal? There’s no longevity in a liquid diet. Read: Drunk Women More Likely For STDs

4.) The Messy Drifter Appetizer

Like a burrito that's so overstuffed a bite turns into a rice and cheese Jackson Pollack splat on your pants, this guy's so all over the place it's impossible to ever get full. Where does he work? It's foggy. Where does he live? How would we know. And where do we stand with him? We'd guess somewhere after his first options but before the lower half. Time to 86 this luke warm appetizer who will never make it to the permanent menu.

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Written by Melissa Noble for YourTango.com. 

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 42
  • kittiemack's Avatar
    Posted by kittiemack Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:39am PDT

    I know all of these guys very well

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  • KittyKat's Avatar
    Posted by KittyKat Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:13pm PDT

    Been there done that dont want to do it again.

    Report Abuse
  • Chicka Bow Bow's Avatar
    Posted by Chicka Bow Bow Fri Jun 12, 2009 2:18pm PDT

    LOL!! These are absolutely hilarious and true!! I think I've seen them all in one guy more than once!! Great blog!

    Report Abuse
  • Doktor Eevol's Avatar
    Posted by Doktor Eevol Fri Jun 12, 2009 4:52pm PDT

    5. The guy with no accountability. He refuses to take any responsibility for his behavior. He'll blame everyone else for his problems - especially women and feminism. He constantly implies that if women would just be more obedient to how HE wants them to be, he'd have no problems.

    Uh huh!

    Report Abuse
  • ladybella04's Avatar
    Posted by ladybella04 Fri Jun 12, 2009 7:22pm PDT

    Dated the hot and sour soup guy. One minute he's taking me out and showering me with affection and the next he's cancelling plans. Then, just when you think you're over him, he shows up again saying that he would do anything to have you back in his life. Then the cycle starts all over from the beginning. He forgets you're alive, stops calling for weeks and then he randomly appears again to tell you how he just can't get enough of you. It's miserable- a complete roller coaster of emotions and just a huge letdown when you figure out that he isn't that into you. He's probably either married, the biggest flake in the world or secretly working for the CIA.

    Report Abuse
  • nurse glo's Avatar
    Posted by nurse glo Sat Jun 13, 2009 1:39am PDT

    how can one meet a faithful guyin these days of deception

    Report Abuse
  • Veselina's Avatar
    Posted by Veselina Sat Jun 13, 2009 2:43am PDT

    ooh, there are at least 2 more lists with scum like this..but i must say that it is also our own mistake to pick them out of the bunch, where there are as well pretty decent guys, and there are.

    well as long as we learn from our mistakes, it can't be that bad

    Report Abuse
  • Monica's Avatar
    Posted by Monica Sat Jun 13, 2009 4:13am PDT

    Man, I so want a big sloppy burrito from Q'Doba now...

    Report Abuse
  • mpho's Avatar
    Posted by mpho Sat Jun 13, 2009 6:46am PDT

    i dont get it why? gals allways blame guys they are involve with in their relationship when things dont seem to work out for them.it like in their relationsheep they expect everything to be a mans responsibility.we all have our wrong doing in life but it seems like gals are all "miss got it right"in everythig they do.

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  • ragdoll's Avatar
    Posted by ragdoll Sat Jun 13, 2009 7:55am PDT

    Man, I waited until I just knew this guy was honest and had something besides, well you know, but they are all the same.Want to meet you one day, wants to get to know you and then all of a sudden, won't answer e-mails. Won't even give you the time of day. Just because I did not look like a Barbie Doll. Man he had me fooled. Done!!! Done!!!! Done!!!!!

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Comments 1-10 of 42

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