Love + Sex

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Four Guys To Rid From Your Dating Diet

Poor dating habits are no different than crummy diet choices. We know we should grab an apple instead of a Snickers, and we know After Midnight Booty Caller's number should be replaced by an option who's aware of our existence when the sun's out. But like a carton of leftover Chinese food and a glistening pint of Ben and Jerry's, sometimes it takes as much will power to shelve the Go Nowhere men as it does the Go Straight To Your Thighs food. Here's a list of dating diet no-nos to clean out of your pantry immediately. Read: Dating Advice From Tila Tequila (It's Good!)

1.) The Hot And Sour Soup Guy

One minute you're his soul mate, the next he forgets your birthday. The first weekend of the month you're the future mother of his unborn children, and by the third it's as if you never existed. While in the beginning this brand can be all absorbing—afterall, when it's hot it's SIZZLING—but the cold, not too unlike being trapped in a tortuous windy shade, is a discomfort that's unparalleled. Worth it? We think not. Pour this option down the drain. Read: Winning Him Back: Should You Do It?

2.) The Late Night Binger

This one's just empty calories. He only calls (or texts, let's be real) when Letterman's finished and the lights are out.  Sure you could stumble out of bed and unlock the door, but why? Save up those extra fat grams for the next morning, when someone is at least thoughtful enough to shoot you a mid-morning e-mail.

3.) Drunky McDrunkstein Six Pack

Ever notice how this guy is always drunk? God, you wonder, how does he do it? Whether it be those never-ending Bloody Mary brunches or the times you meet him for after work drinks and—wow—he's already smashed. Don't pick up the extra six-pack; wouldn't you rather acquire bloat from a substantial meal? There’s no longevity in a liquid diet. Read: Drunk Women More Likely For STDs

4.) The Messy Drifter Appetizer

Like a burrito that's so overstuffed a bite turns into a rice and cheese Jackson Pollack splat on your pants, this guy's so all over the place it's impossible to ever get full. Where does he work? It's foggy. Where does he live? How would we know. And where do we stand with him? We'd guess somewhere after his first options but before the lower half. Time to 86 this luke warm appetizer who will never make it to the permanent menu.

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Written by Melissa Noble for YourTango.com. 

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From the Community…

Comments 11-20 of 42
  • alle's Avatar
    Posted by alle Sat Jun 13, 2009 1:49pm PDT

    totally agree with ladybella04!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • Scott H's Avatar
    Posted by Scott H Sun Jun 14, 2009 10:18am PDT

    Ok, I'm a guy (yes I was reading to see a womans point of view). Are most of the men you meet like this? I concider myself nothing like this (of course I'm not perfect) but it seems that us decent guys have to go through allot to get you to break down the wall!!

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  • 's Avatar
    Posted by Sun Jun 14, 2009 1:56pm PDT

    Another guy checking in on this one. I can think of a few women I've scratched from my dating menu back in the day:

    -A girl who is attractive in a way, but far from a Barbie Doll, as a previous poster put it. Yet she revels in the unexpected attention and has to play "hard to get." A waste of good beer-drinking, sports-watching time.

    -The girl who wears $200 shoes, and for whom no gift or amount of affection is good enough for her.

    -The one who constantly whines: her boss is an ogre; her job sucks; her parents are repressive; her exes didn't understand her

    -The girl who thinks all men are rapists-in-waiting; the bus driver was eyeing her up; the guy in the elevator was about to goose her until she moved away; the clerk at the convenience store was checking out her boobs.

    -The woman who can't make up her mind whether she's going to be busy or not on Saturday night. She just needs the attention and wants you to beg by calling back three times asking for that date.

    -The girl who dresses like a Bourbon Street hooker, and then gets all haughty if a man makes a comment about her appearance.

    -The clingy types who get an attitude if you say you have a night with the boys planned. And then say, "What? You'd rather be with THEM than ME?" Honey, I've known them a lot longer than I've known you.

    -The one who tells you in January that her birthday is in June, doesn't mention it again, and then gets crappy when you forgot it.

    I could go on, but I won't. Suffice it to say there are PLENTY of psycho babes out there, just as there are men with bad habits.

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  • 's Avatar
    Posted by Sun Jun 14, 2009 2:11pm PDT

    Oh, I forgot my favorite! The girl who says, "I've only done this once before," and then performs like a porn star in bed. Yeah, right...only ONCE, with 200 different guys. That really makes ME feel "special."

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  • Freshman Law's Avatar
    Posted by Freshman Law Sun Jun 14, 2009 4:17pm PDT

    they're all... familiar. ;)

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  • AnGil's Avatar
    Posted by AnGil Sun Jun 14, 2009 9:37pm PDT

    haha omg 1 & 2 both describe a guy that i've been stuck on for like a year now.funnnyyy. it's just how can yu let something that feels so good go,like everythings not great bt when yu guys do spend time together its like the perfect moments. ladybella04 i completely agree with yu.!

    ughhh guys.!

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  • SHUG's Avatar
    Posted by SHUG Sun Jun 14, 2009 10:30pm PDT

    i no them very well myself but i dont care because im a female dog if they hate letem hate men do what we allow it gose bothwayz

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  • melody's Avatar
    Posted by melody Mon Jun 15, 2009 10:19am PDT

    this blog was a complete waste of my time. thanks so much.

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  • Melanie's Avatar
    Posted by Melanie Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:55pm PDT

    What about Mr. Pepperoni breath or Mr. Slim Jim belcher? I think men with bad manners are not worth a second of your time!

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  • Melissa's Avatar
    Posted by Melissa Mon Jun 15, 2009 3:06pm PDT

    Ha. Unfortunately, dating (and dumping) all these guys is just a natural part of the single life. Ah, well. It gives us character.

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Comments 11-20 of 42

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