To help better understand myself and others I have developed the "Four Types of Love", which is a simple theory that you can apply to your every day life.
Everyone has a specific "type" of love. You have a primary, and a secondary source of love in which you express yourself. The primary source is what gives you that natural feel good emotion that makes your senses come alive with passion. The secondary source simply compliments your primary, establishing a simple code in which individuals can read and pickup on within a short period of time. Before we get into the literal four types of love, keep in mind that this theory can be used at your job, with your family, and most definitely your personal relationship.
Four Types of Love
1. Touch: Now off the bat, I bet many of you are thinking to yourself yup that is me for sure. Well, try and take a deeper understanding of touch, this does not simply mean sex either. Touch can be a multitude of things. Your girlfriend walks up to you and grabs your hand for example.
The fuzzy feeling you get when you kiss someone and you get that sudden tingly feeling. The sweet scent of your partner as your laying next to them. Your loved one gently scratching your back or giving you a massage while you fall asleep every night. Your boyfriend taking you into his arms and kissing you on the forehead while giving you a hug.
And of course sex life is a part of touch, but if touch is your primary source of love, and you think its your primary because of the sex, you may be in for some trouble, most serious couples do not base their relationships on sex alone!
These are all very simple examples, but most people do not stop and think whether or not small things like that make them happy while they are in a relationship, they tend to think of them afterward when that person is no longer there and its too late.
Think about one of your past relationships and what do you remember? How she would stroke her fingers threw your hair? Cuddling in the bed all day watching a movie while it rains outside? Dancing intimately under the stars on a fancy night out? Dont overlook this stuff, its important in determining what you will need in your next, or current relationship.
2. Affirmation: To a huge number of individuals, affirmation is something that must be a part of their relationships. You could also call it "confirmation". To start you off, think of a time in your life either when you were growing up, or in a relationship with someone, or when you are at your job.
Now, when you worked at your job, did your boss have faith in you? Did he occasionally tell you what a fantastic job you are doing? While you were growing up, did you parents ever take the time to advise and council you? Did they let you know if they were proud or if you were doing something wrong?
Within the relationship, affirmation can be a highly delicate subject matter, and could easily result in the ending of a relationship if this need isn't met. This is due to the trust factor within a relationship.
Having your loved one say they love you on a regular basis, or have them tell you they feel safe and secure around you are simple examples, below is a more complex situation that gets overlooked way to often:
Most people genuinely cant stop wondering if their partner is cheating on them, or seeing someone else. It is important that if "affirmation is your primary or secondary source of love, that you find a person who will definitely compliment and soothe this need."
An example, your girlfriend going to a club with some friends and staying at a beach house when you are not going to be there. If you are an affirmation person, when you hear that your most likely going to go insane within your mind with negative thoughts.
What you are really needing is a soothing remedy, and obtaining that remedy is as simple as having a partner that will say to you don't worry hun, I love you and cant wait to see you when I get back. Or, I will call you before I sleep every night.
Doesn't sound like much, but its as simple as that.
A bad partner would get angry and tell you that your overprotective and hang up on you, ever-increasing your worries, which is very bad if you are trying to establish trust!
And if you are in a relationship right now, and your partner gets worried and slightly jealous, don't scold them for it by getting into an argument, simply compliment their need of affirmation!
"So does affirmation mean im jealous?" No, it simply is how people are and it depends on what has occurred in their life. If you had parents that got divorced when you were growing up, and you saw a horrible unhealthy relationship every day while you were being raised - chances are, you wont be a very trusting person immediately. This doesn't mean you cant date affirmation people, just if you do... know the rules of it and compliment their needs.
3. Quality Time: This is less complex, and is pretty straight-forward. This one falls into many categories, but im sure you can apply "quality time" to somewhere in your life. Your family, father, mother, you name it - all legitimate examples.
Most of the time, within your family relationships, quality time is necessary to show love and creates a better relationship, and they know that. If your father was never around as a child, you might hate him for it quite dearly. And that is an example of quality time. You are lacking that source of love towards your father for him not being there and giving you your quality of time that was necessary for their to be a solid relationship between you and him, and thus love. Whew.
Your friends appreciate quality time because it creates a bond, and let's them know they have a companion, or a partner in crime (not literally), but you get the point. A lot of kids, teens, and adults feel left out in life due to lack of friends. And when their friends that they have now don't hang out with them anymore, you can best bet they might get a bit upset.
It could easily be described as being around enough for someone to see that you do indeed care about them. In your love life, it is important to be around for your partner. If your in the marines and thousands of miles away, you best bet your loved one is going to hold seeing you "soon" dear to their heart.
If you are a busy businessmen or woman and always out of the house at the office or work, your partner might be lacking the quality time she needs to feel loved. Keep in mind that most people do not express how they feel, so you need to take the initiative to ask them about their thoughts.
4. Gifts: No it's not your birthday silly. When I am speaking of "gifts", to start it off picture yourself living in an apartment with your loved one, or in your home. Does your partner do certain things for you that really brighten your day?
You wake up to a fresh cup of coffee and your clothes pressed. Your partner does all your laundry and cleans up your messes for you without asking. Every night when you get home, your partner gives you a nice massage because they know you had a ruff day.
That's pretty easy to think about, right?
Not realistically, most couples together today get to "use to how things are" and forget to thank their partner or show that you really do love and care about the things they do for you. Do not get so involved in your life that you forget the good things coming out of your relationship! It is absolutely important to make sure your partner does not feel like you are taking advantage of their love, or them in general.
The real gifts, some people honestly feel loved by getting physical gifts. You just bought your girl her first pearl necklace. You just bought your man that cologne he wanted so bad. Although physical gifts is a topic listed, you really gotta ask yourself if you can support that kind of relationship, or if its plausible.
Individuals who want super nice gifts and expensive dinners and Broadway shows every night might be a mistake, but then again, that is entirely up to you and your lifestyle, and if you are a person of that luxury, you probably know what your doing anyway!
Open your eyes, and try something new in your relationships.
Take these four types of love, and apply them to your personal love life, your job, and your family. See if approaching people differently while keeping these values in mind makes a difference to you. You will be surprised at how efficiently this works when you are communicating.
Big example, if you are the manager of three-hundred employees and it is stressful work, each person you speak to has different needs, if you can find out what their primary and secondary source is, you can keep them happy at the workplace, an employee might just need a pat on the back and a legitimate good job, hint hint (affirmation).
With your personal partner, instead of following the same old routine, give them something new to digest, it may create a new an improved relationship, and less conflict.
Change is never a bad thing, keep that in mind folks, and sometimes its necessary to move forward.
What's your two types of love?
For me, my primary is touch, my secondary is affirmation.
Posted by James
