It’s the one thing we all think about all the time. It changes your life and your mom or dad is always talking about it and you really don’t want to listen to it. You think in your mind that you are a responsible and that your ready to turn in your white card and receive your black card. You want that black book (okay maybe we use cell phones but you know what I mean.) and you want that BTDT list. Yes people I’m talking about sex and if you cant handle it STOP READING NOW! Lol sorry you guys but some people think they want the truth when they cant handle it, Let it be known I’m writing from a female perspective and some of you may not agree but just saying this is what’s in my head and from personal experience or hearing other peoples stories. Sooo on that subject my story begins.
Freshman year of high school.
Yes its on its own line for a reason everyone knows that this is a huge statement and change in life! I’m so not kidding! Anyway back to my story of fluffy bunnies and cotton candyJ only playing! I wish it were that simple and happy. Anyhoo this was totally going to be my year. I new a bunch of senior and juniors and rarely thought of as a freshman hallelujah that feeling is so good. I’m not going to lie I’d say I very pretty and only fat in the right places (boobs, butt lol typical if you don’t understand). Well I had my eye on this one Jr and we had been talking since orientation when he led me and some other newbies around the school, later that day there was a bbq and of course my dysfunctional embarrassing family came. My grandfather (currently he’s dis-owned me) asked for this tour and of course the hot Jr I wanted (he’s so hot) was the one gpa asked. Lets call my hottie Jr “twenty pack”. Well he leads this tour him and I flirting just the slightest bit and of course gpa bombards him with dumb questions and I’m totally mortified and want to disappear, Luckily 20 pack was pretty chill and I got a hug at the end of it all. During the year I do sports so after class every sports jock congregates to the pool lobby where I’m ”discovered” by (lol another fake name Chocolate”) well he’s also was a team-mates wanna be play thing but apparently I caught his sexy eye. He’s another Jr and also a varsity football player so I fell pretty hard for him. He wrote me notes and was like a total gentleman I was on cloud 9. We talked all the time via text or online. In my mind I new from day 1 he was a player and I needed to be careful but HELLO who listens to their head when it comes to the opposite sex! Everyone in the school new we had a thing but it was never official, like I was always his baby but that was it (no judgments I know I was being and idiot) anyway we talked for a good 3 months and than 1 night I was seduced, I had scored 2 free tickets for a play but he couldn’t stay to watch so when it was over he came to get me (walked) well we started making out and than he jokingly says “don’t let me get you in the dark.” I totally ignore it and than as we walk past a dim area he starts grabbing but not too much. I’m kind of overcome by lust and we do it right there. Outside in public on the football field. How ironic sex with a football player on a football field. (Hahaha) it wasn’t the bed of roses I expected my first time to be but in my head it was worth it. After that everything was heaven and I honestly was happy. Mr. chocolate still doesn’t ask for me to be his gf another guy does and I date him. BAD BAD BAD MOVE! I still talked to chocolate all the time. Chocolate started dating a friend of mine; I was beyond pissed and refused to talk to him for a while. I dumped my bf and got the ultimate revenge on chocolate by having sex with his friend. Yes I became that girl hell bent on revenge and I wont lie his friend was the 1 of the best I had! Anyway chocolate and I re-kindled but he still had a girl, please don’t say it I already know STUPID STUPID STUPID! I figured in my head obvi she wasn’t doing something right because why was he messing with me. Again STUPID LOGIC! I had a downward spiral was like F—you and started talking to another varsity dude (call him bodybuilder) we went on some dates didn’t get very far. (Remember his name) talked to chocolate had sex again (seeing a pattern) got mad again dated another varsity guy for a good 2 months and had crazy hot passionate sex but didn’t end well we went our separate ways and became good friends, got back with chocolate (jeez even I think I sound pathetic) he was still with the girl. I randomly hook up with body-builder and he freaks on me because I messed with chocolate L needless to say we never got together. I get into this big war with the girl and chocolate is like screw it and dumps her. At this point I’m so messed up I really think I love him and during the summer I hang with him. He gets all seductive and you can guess what happens, well after we are chillen at his apt, and she walks in flips on him and leaves. At this point I leave and go to a friends house we stopped talking for a good month. (During this time I moved about 40 mins away) He tried calling me but I just couldn’t do it. I finally realized that I wasted a year on a dude that didn’t completely care. You know the song “really wanna be with you” by fabulous? Well that describes chocolate and me. I got so depressed I actually cried every night and barely slept for that entire month. 1 night I cried so much I felt nothing at all. I was emotionless and I wanted to feel something so I cut. Or at least at this point I attempted to cut, I couldn’t find a blade, I cried again. After that night I let as much of him go as I could. He will always be in my heart. He was my first but it’s just difficult. I have a picture of us we were so happy it’s on my bulletin. Yes we talk again. No I wont have sex with him. Hes my best friend and despite it all he apologized and strange as it is we love each other in an odd way. Since than its been a month and a few days. It was around this time last year all this started. I guess that’s why it’s heavy on my mind. And the best news? I’m OVER HIM! I’ve dated others but so far it’s not been perfect peachy keen but I never said this had a happy ending…
-Ladii Asylum:(
**btw**= my point was sex changes everything negative and positive,
