Love + Sex

Monday, November 9, 2009

FYI, Guys Really Don't Want to Marry The Kinds of Women I Keep Seeing in Summer Blockbusters

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Any of you people see ‘The Hangover’? Am I the only one who sees a reversion to H-wood’s ‘Stepford Wives’ era?

I’m going to get to the ‘The Hangover’ in a minute. But let me start with the movie that seemingly all other dude comedies are trying to be like: ‘Knocked Up.’

Listen, I love me some Judd Apatow. I could have watched ‘Knocked Up’ seventeen times. (Actually, I think I did watch 'Knocked Up' 17 times. Thanks HBO!) But there was something about the Leslie Mann character that always made me squirm.

See our tips: Justin Timberlake’s Dating Dos & Don’ts

I don’t know. Maybe it was that she plays a castrating, neurotic, vindictive, sexless wife?

And that she was supposed to be some kind of wifely archetype. Her purpose was to show our young, fuzzy and impressionable Ben (played by Seth Rogan) what wives are like, should he decide to make an honest woman out of Alison (played by Katherine Heigl).

Cut to Rachel Harris in ‘The Hangover.’ She plays Melissa, Stu’ girlfriend. And she makes "Knocked Up"'s Debbie look like a barrel of laughs. I mean humorless doesn’t even begin to describe it. She’s not a wife, she’s Gestapo. She may as well wear Stu's manhood around her neck on a lovely gold chain.

Is that how they think guys really feel about their girlfriends? It’s not how my friends feel about their girlfriends.

And then there’s the other wife figure in ‘The Hangover’: the woman who’s supposed to marry the bachelor in this bachelor party movie. She’s painted as the perfect woman, the opposite of Stu's girlfriend. She “lets” her fiancé go to Vegas. She never bothers him when he doesn’t come back when he said he would. And when it looks like he won’t actually make the "wedding" part of the wedding, even though all the guests are there, she tells him, you know, she’s getting a little freaked out.

That’s not a girlfriend. That’s a lobotomy with c-cups.

That’s a modern Stepford Wife. It’s like, as men, we’re supposed to yearn for a human sex doll with no opinions or will of her own, a woman we can introduce to our friends by saying, ‘Isn’t she great! She looks awesome and barely speaks!’

What gives? Were you guys as bummed out about these characters as I was? Did your guy friends dig those movies?

Related: What Men Say vs. What Men Actually Mean

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Comments 1-10 of 33
  • J.J.M.'s Avatar
    Posted by J.J.M. Wed Jul 1, 2009 11:00am PDT

    First off, I thought knocked up was a horrible movie. But that's a preference, I haven't liked any Seth Rogan movie, I'm a fan of dry humor, his always seems to weave its way back to drug/alcohol/sex humor. His jokes just can't make me laugh or even crack a smile.

    But that controlling wife thing isn't what guys really want, but it's more a satirical view of how single guys see their committed friend's girlfriends. As a single guy with no commitments, you'll see a guy's new girlfriend as the downer who's constantly taking your friend's time away from you. She keeps him from doing fun things with your group. You generally don't see that as a fun person.

    Sure, you'll support him and say "Good for you two!" but deep down, you wish she'd catch on fire. Asking you what her boyfriend did on such and so trip, trying to be "one of the guys", and wanting to go on every guys night out to supervise their boyfriend. They mean well, they just want to be with their new guy and enjoy the early time when things are still hot... to a single guy, a buddy's new girlfriend is like a rash. Annoying, difficult to get rid of, and once you think it's gone it keeps popping back up in the weirdest places.

    To a single guy, a buddy getting married is pretty much the equivalent of him dying. Just like with a friend in a fresh grave, you'll never be able to do stuff with him, you're doing well if you can visit him once a week, and you usually can't visit him late at night without getting yelled at.

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  • None's Avatar
    Posted by None Wed Jul 1, 2009 11:09am PDT

    Who are you kidding "Married Jake" Its exactly what you all want. A mom & -- you know the rest, wow, "J.J.M" a bit harsh, and I thought I was the "negative" one. Insecurities much?

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  • None's Avatar
    Posted by None Wed Jul 1, 2009 11:11am PDT

    But I also hate comedies, and ones that have things like Kumar and joke boy go to White Castle, are just nasty and not even funny, I have fallen in love with the Wayans Bros movies, they are crude, but funny, and not overly sexual. I like movies too that imitate others, for some reason, LOL, except I bought "Date Movie," that sucked, so I stick to horror & action for me.

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  • J.J.M.'s Avatar
    Posted by J.J.M. Wed Jul 1, 2009 11:18am PDT

    None, I suppose if I didn't have so many insecurities I wouldn't be single. Insecure about my weight, height, glasses, hands, feet, ears, eyes, nose, legs, arms, hair, body hair, facial hair.. I'm far too concerned with every single other aspect of myself to have normal guy insecurities like penile length and muscle mass.

    Not that I really ever do anything to maintain or change anything about my insecurities, I've grown comfortable in being insecure.

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  • Sweet T's Avatar
    Posted by Sweet T Wed Jul 1, 2009 11:43am PDT

    WOW. I think Married Jake is actually pretty spot on. No man wants the controlling shrew, just as no man wants the doormat. J.J.M., I feel a little sorry for you. Your experiences with lame women and your friends' lame GFs and wives must really be plaguing you, and I don't blame you. It sucks how easily some people are willing to settle. OR, could it be that your pals who get married (or choose to die, as you put it) have actually found someone who fulfills the need we all have for a partner? Maybe you have some envy towards them and their happiness? I'm not judging, I'm just saying, when you see other people who no longer have to be "on the search," it can be frustrating. I felt the same way before I came to be with my SO.

    My SO came 500 miles to get me, not because I asked him to, but because he wasn't about to let the best thing in his life slip away. I'm not saying I'm the best woman ever, but we match, so we basically didn't have a choice; we fell in love, wanted to be together, and he sped up the process by 4 months because he wanted to show me A) he is willing to do anything to be with me; B) he CAN live without me, but sees no point to it; and C) he literally has never felt this way about anyone. I feel the exact same way about him on all three points.

    He has spent a lot less time alone with his friends, but they all get it, and if they don't, too bad. He made his choice, and anyone not on board or who has a problem with it gets held at arm's length or cut out. It's the same thing with me and my pals: the people who have been harsh are the ones who don't get it; they've never felt this kind of love, so how can they be expected to? And honestly, my best friends love him, his best friends love me, and they see we make each other happy. Good friends want to see each other happy, and my SO and I are really a perfect match (not perfect people, mind you, but we fit, ya know?). Our friends appreciate that, and, though it was hard to leave all of my pals behind, it's worth it for my soul mate/partner in crime/love of my life. And hanging out with his friends is a bonus for them, because we have a dang good time together, and I'm a good addition to the group. They know it and appreciate it, as I appreciate their being so welcoming towards me.

    And even though he's spent less time alone with his friends, now that I'm moved in and we've gotten the house in order for the most part, he's free to do as he wishes. If he wants a night with the guys, he's welcome to do so whenever he wants; I like my nights with the girls, too. The difference is that we would rather be together than out with other people. I don't need to watch over him; part of being in true love is having trust for the other person. I can't say I don't get insecure or possessive at times, but we talk about it and have a good laugh about my irrationality, and then we move on and enjoy our life together.

    I felt the way you did, None, until this happened to me. Now I understand that when you really love someone, the b.s. labels go out the window and you make it work for yourselves. It's a pleasure to do things for him, domestically, sexually, spiritually, etc.; it's reciprocated, so I sure don't feel like I'm losing out or being taken advantage of.

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  • Jo's Avatar
    Posted by Jo Wed Jul 1, 2009 11:47am PDT

    JJ, you should come to f2bbs.com.

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  • Zom-B's Avatar
    Posted by Zom-B Wed Jul 1, 2009 12:31pm PDT

    Most mainstream comedies, especially of the romantic variety, create "characters" that are overblown cardboard cutouts and perpetuate the most idiotic, often baseless stereotypes of both men and women. It's insulting to both genders, and it wouldn't surprise me if consumption of these types of films contributed to massive misunderstandings and screwed-up relationships.

    People get so angry at me when I diss these kinds of movies for some reason. They often claim I have no sense of humor or I take things too seriously. No, I DO have a sense of humor; it's just that I laugh at things that are actually FUNNY. Romantic comedies are DEPRESSING, not funny...why on Earth would I want to watch something that actively encourages my worst feelings about women and past relationships and has dopey, trivial-minded male characters I can't relate to in any way? They make me feel like the human race is little better than animals.

    And why the heck do so many women like these ridiculous things? I keep trying to tell myself negative stereotypes are WRONG...but then so many women lap up this retarded drivel. If I were female, I'd be tearing my hair out over the female characters...both "good" AND "bad".

    Maybe Rousseau was right....maybe the theater DOES cause moral rot and corruption.

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  • Doktor Eevol's Avatar
    Posted by Doktor Eevol Wed Jul 1, 2009 2:01pm PDT

    I watched knocked up ONCE - and just because I was held hostage by one of my friends (this same friend later subjected me to Twilight... blech).

    pffft what a waste of time. I'll never get those four hours of my life back. Plus, they encourage double standards. Where are the movies written about a not so good looking heavy woman who ends up romantically entangled with a hot, career blossoming man? Hmmm? People would probably watch it to see any chance to scream gold digger, but it's ok if a broke slob of a man is the one who benefits from a one night stand.

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  • Chela's Avatar
    Posted by Chela Wed Jul 1, 2009 3:40pm PDT

    KNOCKED UP WAS HILARIOUS, YOU ARE ALL HATERS!!

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  • Doktor Eevol's Avatar
    Posted by Doktor Eevol Wed Jul 1, 2009 3:55pm PDT

    Marcy M... quite right. I hate willful stupidity.

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Comments 1-10 of 33

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