"Aren't you seeing anybody?"
"Whatever happened to that one boy john Jake Paul..."
"Well no rush honey your young you have time, wait for the right one!"
"By the way I'm sending you this gift I received at an elephant gift exchange, it won't fit me."
So I'm expecting something like some really crazy ugly slippers, or a sweatshirt with a cat on it or something like that. Probably something I would donate to goodwill anyways.
I get my mail today. Large envelope from grandma. Too small to be slippers or a sweatshirt. I tear open the end and pull out this satiny mass of fabric. Purple-ly flower design. It was all twisted and fumbled and strings here and there. I couldn't figure how it laid to figure out what it was.
After a few minutes I get the thing laid out on the floor. I am completely astonished. I am a little off put. My conservative republican grandmother has sent me a trashy little lingerie set complete with matching satin panties.
I blushed. I'm not your typical blusher. I'm pretty open about sexuality. But this is my grandma. My grandma who whispers naughty words like condom or sex, like she will be shunned from heaven if god heard her ..
In particular I remember being 16 or 17 and sitting in her house eating breakfast and my grandma sighed and says "I'm so glad your waiting!"
I am no sort of a morning person so in my angst ridden teen voice I say"Waiting for what?"
"Oh till your married."
Uncomfortable silence during which I shift my weight in the chair."Yeah"
Does she think this is what the typical 21 year old wears around the house or to bed. Does she think this is something her virginal 21 year old granddaughter would wear to a pimps and hoes party. Does she even know that there is such a thing as a pimps n hoes party where people wear underwear and drink all night.
Does she sense I am going to settle down sometime soon? I can't make up my mind about what to eat for dinner. This is typically something you receive at a bridal shower, intending to rock your husbands socks off.
Has she just come to the realization that it is year 2006 and that being the independent young woman I am I may have had a few sexual encounters. And if this is the case did she really think I was gonna get all laced up and enjoy the outfit with a gentleman. How could I. I would constantly be thinking" My grandma gave me this trashy little set!" Huge turn off.
I will be making a trip to the goodwill.
