I have been married for 21 years. I was totally in love with
my husband and did just about anything he wanted me to even things
that I hated to (Swing) and hated it and myself. He had been
seeing someone else. After it fell apart and I found out he
talked me into trying the swinging scene. Said we could do
this together and he would be tempted to stray. So......I
did. I hated every minute of it and it became something he
wanted to do every weekend. Then he wanted to see me with
antoher woman. Ok now too far. We moved to Texas almost
10 years ago and all the swinging stopped (thank god).
However....he would always mention it during sex. Totally
turned me off. Wound up just going through the motions most
of the time. 6 weeks ago I moved out of town. We had
planned the move together then he changed his mind. I found
out he was having sex with my daughters best friend and god knows
who else. I found out I had an infection from bacteria that
could have been picked up during sex with him after he had gotten
it from someone else. Nothing serious, not an STD. More
like an STI. I also found out that he is an emotionally, and
psycologically abusive person. In otherwords,
CONTROLLING. I never really saw it till I got away. I
have been able to put so many things together and am just in awe at
what is now so clear but I never saw while with him
I know this relationship has run its course and I cannot continue
in this way. I can no longer accept his desired
lifestyle. I loved him with everything I had in me and it
really hurts to realize after 21 years that he never really loved
me like that. Yet he is begging me to call. He calls
and writes and I really wish he was the person he is portraiting in
his letters. Deep down I know it will all go back to the same
old ways if I go home, So my question is: As bad as he
has hurt me why do I worry more about hurting him
by walking away from the marriage. Others have told me he
only wants me because he has lost control. I'm
confused. I know being away is best for me but I worry about
him and don't know how to put ME first. Any advise on how
to do this?
Thanks in advance for all your help
He hurt me.....so why is it so hard for me to walk away knowing it will hurt him
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Comments 1-10 of 10
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Posted by Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:47pm PDT
Report Abusei do not think it is the fact that he lost control, just the fact that the only person he ever expected to actually stay in his life is trying to get away. the girls he sleeps with come and go (no pun intended) and you were still the one he went home to at night. you are his security blanket. im sure he loves you, but you just always seemed to love him more. you gotta live for yourself now. be happy! and do not feel bad for saying no to him. :-) -sarah
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Posted by Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:47pm PDT
Report Abusei do not think it is the fact that he lost control, just the fact that the only person he ever expected to actually stay in his life is trying to get away. the girls he sleeps with come and go (no pun intended) and you were still the one he went home to at night. you are his security blanket. im sure he loves you, but you just always seemed to love him more. you gotta live for yourself now. be happy! and do not feel bad for saying no to him. :-) -sarah
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Posted by Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:47pm PDT
Report AbuseIt is because you either a. still love him or b. have pity for him and fear what he may get into without you there. If you are still in love and know he feels the same maybe suggest counseling for his destructive ways so that you two may remain together. If it is pity then you must be strong and walk away for your own good. He is grown and he can control his own destiny. If you remain you will just suffer alongside with him because misery loves company.
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Posted by Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:49pm PDT
Report AbuseYou only have ONE life to live. Why spend it doing something you hate?
Being with anyone controlling is not good for you. I strongly advise you to stop the madness and get on with your life.
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Posted by Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:52pm PDT
Report AbuseOh, and don't worry about hurting him. He is hurting your mind and your well being. It's normal to feel bad for the person we're married to when we walk out. I did that because he wanted to control me. After awhile, I stopped loving him. That is not a marriage. You can get a rooommate for that. It's black and white.
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Posted by Tue Jul 21, 2009 10:02pm PDT
Report AbuseI feel bad for you, with saying that I am going to state something you know but do not want to face. You are in love with him but he his not in love with you. You are dependable and thats why he is upset you are leaving. He wants to stay married but not be in a marriage because he can not handle the responsibility and the lifestyle.
Let him go honey and find yourself. You dont to be a mans wateringhole. He has you to socialize with and live a "normal life" when you guys are nto living a "normal lifestyle."
Leave him for good and not date for a while to see what you realy want out of life.
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Posted by Wed Jul 22, 2009 8:13am PDT
Report Abuseif he hurt u then why care what he thinks u just have to end it for good
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Posted by Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:32am PDT
Report AbuseMaybe you don't miss him at all. Maybe you miss some of the life you had and everything is new now. I wouldn't go back after all that. If he didn't love you enough to keep your person sacred and cherrish your marrage then why bother. Sounds to me like you have good morrals and could do alot better for your self.
You had a name before you were married. Remember it, hold your head up high and walk down your new path.
Think to your self what would my parents think if they knew all the things I've done to try and make this work when he never respected ME or MY FEELINGS.
Comments 1-10 of 10
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