He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know

If you're a regular reader, then you'll know that we're huge fans of Feministing (even if we do wish that the site's name didn't always make us think of fisting). So how could we not love founder Jessica Valenti's new book, He's a Stud, She's a Slut? Sure, some of the double standards she includes might seem a little tired (like "He's a Bachelor, She's a Spinster"), but that's kind of the whole point, isn't it? It only seems tired because we're sick and tired of the fact that it's still freakin' true. Other double standards include "He's Pussy Whipped, She's a 'Good Girlfriend,'" "He's an Activist, She's a Pain in the Ass," "He's a Celeb, She's a Mess," and a bunch of other stuff guaranteed to get you all riled up. In honor of Lindsay Lohan's blossoming relationship with Samantha Ronson, we thought we'd excerpt from "He's Gay, She's a Fantasy," after the jump...

"Ask a straight guy about lesbians, and you're likely to get some smart-ass comment about porn, girl-on-girl action, or how they don't mind them so long as they can "join in." Charming. Ask about gay men, however, and it seems the only appropriate response is disgust. When it comes to being queer, gay men are gross and lesbians are hot (so long as they look like cheerleaders and ----- men too, of course).

While this double standard is undoubtedly bad for gay men, it's just as (if not more) insulting to gay women. The assumption behind the hypocrisy is that lesbians aren't "really" gay and they don't have "real" sex. The idea being, of course, that if a dick isn't involved, it's just not real sex. ... Lesbians aren't a threat to their all-precious manhood so long as men can keep pretending that all gay women are like the gals in porn movies. (You know, where butch women just don't exist.) ...

At the end of the day, this double standard is completely tied up with men's fear of being femininized! Whether it's through appropriating lesbianism as a straight man's dream or bashing on gay men, straight guys get to reaffirm how masculine they are."

From He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know by Jessica Valenti

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Posted by Bellisima Thu Aug 7, 2008 3:33pm PDT

LOL...I shall read that one!

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Posted by Amazed by you. Thu Aug 7, 2008 3:52pm PDT

whatever

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Posted by mabcosmic Thu Aug 7, 2008 4:47pm PDT

Thanks for blogging about the book. I'll check it out.

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Posted by weslian_jnr Thu Aug 7, 2008 5:33pm PDT

Now that's cute.........................

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Posted by trebuchet30303 Fri Aug 8, 2008 4:15am PDT

You forgot to mention the double standard in double standards.
As in, TV ads showing men as clueless boobs being rescued by their competent, savvy wives/GFs are everywhere and supposed to be amusing; but you just try putting on an ad showing things with the roles reversed and see what hisses of seething rebuke you get...
Or as in, it's the man's responsibility to put the seat up after using it. Not the woman's responsibility to put it down...or even equal responsibility either for one's own utility or for consideration of the other. No. Somehow it's just blithely assumed that OF COURSE, the onus is on men.
Give me a tiny break. "Feministing", indeed.

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Posted by jules Fri Aug 8, 2008 8:18am PDT

Of course guys don't believe there's still such thing as double standards (see above).
I think double standards go both ways, such as she's a good wife/stay-at-home mom but he's a lazy ----- who just doesn't want to work and lets his wife hold down the good job.
I think the article makes a good point. I think it's also the reason that women are more likely to be okay with having lesbian friends and gay friends. We don't see things as de-masculating like guys do, so we don't see it as such a big deal. I still get confused by the whole thing, don't get me wrong.

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Posted by lawrence d Fri Aug 8, 2008 9:45am PDT

I love big round asses on skinny tall women.Now thats hot!!!!!!

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Posted by Jon H Fri Aug 8, 2008 10:34am PDT

It's not that we don't believe there are double standards, we just don't write books whining about them. This is because we know it goes both ways.
Also, it's not that we have a fear of demasculation, but we just don't want to be demasculated. We feel at times that the traits that we feel define manhood are being challenged by women. Some of our behaviors are no longer acceptable. And granted, there are obvious reasons why some behaviours are now discouraged or illegal. But there are other behaviors that have been deemed inappropriate just because women find them unappealing, not because they cause anyone harm. Let the men decide what a man is and you women should decide for yourselves what a women is.

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Posted by billy bong Fri Aug 8, 2008 11:45am PDT

wow.... that whole blog was one big waste of my time. stop complaining

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